


Hey, Brother

by ArbitraryRambunctious (SheepOutTetradecagon), flightlesscrow



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Countries Using Human Names, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, den and nor are friends, ice is den's adopted brother but nor's biological brother, ice is in high school, nor and ice's parents get in a car accident, theyre in uni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8097703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheepOutTetradecagon/pseuds/ArbitraryRambunctious, https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesscrow/pseuds/flightlesscrow
Summary: After losing his parents in a car accident, Lukas finds himself alone in a world that is slowly unraveling around him. Without any relatives or money to take care of his younger brother, he ends up having to put Emil in an orphanage, and saying goodbye for what seems like the last time.However, after meeting an eccentric Dane, his life seems to take a turn for the better, and broken bonds can start to be repaired.





	1. The Day It All Came Crashing Down

Lights. There were so many lights. Too many people, all surrounding him and talking to him at one time. It was loud, too loud. He felt like his head would explode. He was having trouble understanding what was being said to him. Trying to keep his ten-year-old brother under control while red, white, and blue lights flashed outside and the officers, so many police officers, standing in their living room talking over each other was a hard task. He kept asking them to repeat what had been said. His brother was crying. He was beginning to get a headache. Finally, though, he heard why the officers had come. His parents had been in a car accident. A bad one. No one survived. He couldn't breathe. His world was crashing down around him, everything he had ever known pulled out from under him until he was flat on the ground. Which, he was, after losing his balance. It only got worse from there. The noise levels rose. His brother was crying louder and clinging onto his arm. He looked towards the door. Social workers had come. He was terrified; why a social worker? And then he realized.    
  
They were taking away his little brother, the only family he had left. His poor, sweet little brother, off to a new place, one that might not be safe, all because their parents were now passed on.    
  
After all, someone who's just turned 18 is not fit to raise a small child. Or so they told him.   
  
This was the day it all went downhill for Lukas Bondevik.

He spent weeks, months, fighting to keep his brother, but was ultimately shot down. He had no choice but to send his beloved brother, Emil, to an orphanage, and say goodbye for what seemed to him like forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, this is a new story that I'm going to be writing with my friend. It's a multi-chapter. I wrote this first chapter. Yes, it's short, but stay tuned for more! It's gonna be a good one ;)  
> You can find me at norwaythememelord on tumblr and you can find my friend at sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr.  
> Feel free to ask us any questions you have!  
> (Title is inspired by Avicii's "Hey Brother," which is a beautiful song and I strongly recommend listening to it.)


	2. It's only day one

When people asked Emil about his past, he usually told them he didn’t really remember much, which was in many ways the truth. He had a vague recollection of living in a cosy house by the coast, and a few scattered memories about people whom he didn’t remember the faces of anymore. To him, the past was mostly a collection of rehearsed facts. He didn’t really want to dwell on them.

It was however something unavoidable in some situations. This was one of them. The classroom was stuffy with hot air from not being used for a whole summer. Something that looked suspiciously like mildew was clinging to washed-out pink walls with pieces of chipped paint falling off in some places. The blackboard was already defaced with crude chalk drawings, probably made by some noisy kid who thought they were funny. A loud group of students were slowly gathering there, backpacks slamming down onto desks as the kids who already knew each other rushed to claim seats together. 

Emil’s hand tightened on the strap of his backpack as he entered the room, doing his best not to draw too much attention to himself. Although he had been in class with some of the other first years in his class, the majority of them were unknown. Never having been one to initiate conversations, he found an empty desk by the window where he could watch the cars go by rather than engage in conversation with the others. 

He sat there for what felt like an eternity until the teacher entered the room. The other students rushed to their seats. A few seconds went by before the room went silent, the teacher studying her students with passive eyes. She then proceeded to take attendance. Emil sighed; trying to tune out the shrill voice after his name was called. The teacher had just reached “Leon Wang” when the door slammed open and a boy tumbled through it with a loud “here!” All the eyes flew to the newcomer who bowed apologetically and hurried to the empty seat next to Emil. The teacher gave a theatrical sigh, starting to establish that coming late to her classes would not be accepted and that she expected them all to read up on the school regulations by the end of the week.

Emil looked around, being careful with avoiding the gaze of the boy next to him. There were several empty chairs in the room where the boy could have sat down. In other words no reason for him to sit down by Emil at all. Glancing sideways, he was that the boy was already paying attention to the teacher who despite having asked them to read up on the school regulations, now was going through them with the class. Not really minding as long as it postponed the actual class, Emil leaned back in his chair, yet again fixing his eyes on the cars passing by.

The dreaded words came sooner than he had expected. The teacher who was finally done with her long speech about rules had decided to move onto Emil’s least favourite thing about starting in a new class. Introductions. “I want you to introduce yourselves to the person you are sitting next to, then you will present your partner for the rest of the class. You have fifteen minutes.” 

Emil looked up at the boy beside him for the first time since he sat down. Big hazel eyes were staring curiously back at him. The classroom soon filled with the buzzing voices of his peers. “Hi,” he tried awkwardly, not quite sure what to say. 

“Hi,” the boy repeated. Another beat of silence. 

“So, um, your name is Leon?” The boy’s face lit up with a grin. 

“Leon Wang, possibly Jia Long depending on who you ask. You can call me Leon though. How about you?”

Emil shrugged, glancing up at the clock. “Emil Bondevik.”

Leon nodded approvingly, smiling stupidly at Emil. The attention was starting to make Emil a bit nervous. Usually, people didn’t even bother to do introductions properly with him, not to mention genuinely showing this much interest. “That’s a nice name, where is it from?” 

“From?”

“Yeah, like on earth? Mine’s Chinese. My family’s part Chinese.” Taken aback by the odd question, Emil took a few seconds to come up with an answer. 

“It is Norwegian I guess, although I’m part Icelandic.” 

Leon grinned and continued to ask him stupid questions that ranged from anywhere between “How many pillows do you sleep with”” to “What is your favourite candy?” Emil did his best to answer the barrage of questions, glad that he didn’t have to pose any himself as the other boy answered his own in addition to asking them. It went on like that for a while until Leon decided to go into a more serious subject. The one that Emil would usually avoid.

“So do you have any siblings?” Emil’s mind involuntarily flashed to a passive face with deep blue eyes framed by blonde hair pulled back to one side with hairpins. He shook his head, not wanting to let the thought resurface.  _ It’s not like I’ll see him again anyways. _ Instead, he let his mind drift to the cheery face dusted with freckles that had been his supporting pillar for the past five years. 

“Yes,” he mumbled, trying to collect himself. “I have a brother. His name is Matthias.” Leon nodded thoughtfully. 

“I have several siblings. Most of them are a lot older than me though, so I don’t speak with them all that often, but they usually find the time for me whenever I ask. It’s boring being the youngest, they’re all coddling me.” 

“That must be nice.” 

“You think so?” 

_ I used to  _ know _ so, but that doesn’t matter anymore. _ “Probably”.

* * *

 

When the red car pulled up by the school building, Emil could have screamed in joy. Not that he’d ever admit that. Throwing his backpack into the back seat, he hurriedly found his way to the passenger side and slid into the worn seat. The slightly bulky door took a few tries before it shut completely, making the young boy let out a stream of curses.

“You should watch your mouth, what would mom say?”

“She’d probably tell you to stop teaching me bad words.” The driver scoffed, but put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. Emil schooled his expression into a neutral one, but he could feel a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

Matthias Køhler had been his foster brother and closest member of his new family for five years now. Although he had been 19 at the time when his parents decided to adopt Emil, he had never acted as if he was too old to play with the boy. He had indulged Emil when he wanted to play and comforted him when memories of his past life plagued him during the nights. When he had moved out at 21, Emil had practically begged to go with him, his foster parents often absent or busy with work. At age 23, Matthias had been allowed to let Emil move in with him in his little apartment. He had been living with his foster brother for a year now, although he did occasionally stay at his new parents’ home.

Emil glanced up at his brother, watching his face as he concentrated on the road in front of him. He let out a breath, sinking deeper into his seat, finally feeling like he could relax. Despite Matthias often being loud and energetic, his presence was strangely calming sometimes. “So how was your day? Anything exciting happening?” Emil shook his head. 

“Nothing special. We did a lot of introductions. I told them that I was part Icelandic and that my favourite candy is liquorice.” Matthias took his eyes away from the road for a second, casting a worried gaze at his younger brother. 

“You okay?” 

Emil closed his eyes. “I’m fine, I didn’t dwell on it. Really, I haven’t had nightmares for months, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Not seeming entirely convinced, the Danish man turned his attention back to driving, letting a comfortable silence settle in between them. He didn’t say anything before they pulled up in their parking space, silently urging Emil to get out of the car to help him carry the groceries.

They made dinner together, Emil almost burning the rice as he tiredly tried to fry it. It wasn’t before they sat down at the table to eat that they finally started talking again. “I’m going to be late tomorrow, but there are buses stopping here so you’ll be fine?” Grimacing, Emil swallowed his spoonful of fried rice and chicken. He hated to take the bus. It was always noisy, and never a free seat. And Matthias usually drove past his school when he left from university. There wasn’t any reason for him to take the bus on a normal day.

“Why?” 

The Dane shrugged. “I promised my professor that I’d show the new student around. He got in on a scholarship this year, but I heard he’s really smart, so he shouldn’t have any problems with keeping up. Anyways, you know we have a buddy system at my school in which new students are assigned an older student to help them and integrate them. This guy’s gonna be my buddy, so I got to make an effort for him to feel welcome.” Emil nodded, finishing his meal. 

“That’s great then. I’ll be doing some homework, then I’m going to bed.” 

“Have fun!” Emil snorted as he closed the door to his room.

He really hoped that Matthias wouldn’t start to spend too much extra time at school. After all, he didn’t know if he could deal with the absence of another brother. 


	3. Small Talk for Killing Time

Lukas was on his second day at his new university, the one he had just transferred into. He had been paired with an upperclassman whose name was Mathias. Mathias was… interesting, to say the least. Lukas wasn’t quite sure what to feel about him yet.

Because of the system they had for newcomers at the university, Lukas was paired with Mathias so Mathias could show him around and introduce him to new people, and also help him get involved in social events (not that Lukas really wanted to do that). In fact, that’s what was happening at the moment. Mathias was taking Lukas to his first class. It was the whole way across campus from all his other classes. Lukas thought this troublesome.

As they walked to Lukas’s first class, Lukas listened while Mathias talked a mile a minute about anything and everything he could think of. He seemed to never run out of things to say. Lukas didn’t mind so much; it meant he never ran out of things to listen to, which was nice for him.

“Hey, Lukas, before you head in, uh…” Mathias started so say. Lukas watched as Mathias scratched the back of his neck, waiting for him to continue.   
  
When he didn’t, Lukas spoke. “What is it?”   
  
“Oh, um, I was just wondering if you wanted to grab lunch later today? Today I have only morning classes, so I thought we could go grab a bite if ya wanted?” Mathias asked. Lukas looked at him closer. Was he blushing? If he was, it was faint. Lukas thought for a moment.   
  
“Alright. I don’t think I have afternoon classes today, either, thankfully. Lunch sounds nice, thanks. I’ve got to go now, though. I’ll text you after my last class?” Lukas offered. He had received Mathias’s number yesterday morning, just in case he needed to get in touch with him.   
  
“Sounds good. See ya later, Lukas!” And with that, Mathias was walking to class. Lukas stood outside the door for a moment before entering his classroom and taking a seat.

-

After a few painfully slow, boring classes, Lukas was free from the clutches of university for the day. He whipped out his phone to text Mathias that he was done. A reply a few moments later told him that Mathias was waiting for him by building C. Lukas remembered that that’s where his first class was, and began the journey back over there.

He found Mathias parked outside the building. He put his things in the backseat next to Mathias’s things and sat down with a sigh in the passenger seat.   
  
“Ready? Where do ya wanna eat?” Mathias asked, already beginning to drive towards the road that let out of the school campus.

“How about Egon? I hear they have really good pulled beef sandwiches,” Lukas responded. Mathias nodded as he drove towards the restaurant.

Mathias was quiet for once, but the radio was on. Playing was a song that Lukas has heard so many times it’s begun to irritate him, but he said nothing as he looked at the surroundings while they headed towards their destination.

Upon arrival, Lukas impatiently waited outside the car for Mathias to turn it off so they could go in. As soon as he was done with that, Lukas started walking towards the door, eager to eat something after not eating breakfast this morning. He stood in line to order, choosing table number three in his mind seeing as hardly anyone was in the restaurant yet and most tables were open. He hadn’t noticed when Mathias came up beside him.

“What are you gonna get?” Mathias asked him, startling him in the process.   
  
“Um, pulled beef sandwich? How ‘bout you?” Lukas asked in response.

“Probably an omelette. They have good omelettes here.” Mathias answered. Lukas nodded. Finally, it was their turn to order. Lukas said his order and table number quietly, getting out money to pay, when Mathias put his hand over Lukas’s to stop him from paying while he himself said his own order to the cashier. Lukas frowned as Mathias handed the cashier money. _I was going to pay,_ he thought. The cashier handed the two their glasses and said their order would be to their table shortly.

After getting their drinks, they sat down across from each other at table three. Lukas looked around the restaurant, feeling at ease in the warm, cozy atmosphere it supplied for its customers. Mathias started up a conversation, so they made small talk until their food came to the table.   
  
As they ate, they talked about anything and everything. Mathias asked a lot of questions, trying to figure out more about Lukas, since he’d be showing him around for quite a while. Most questions were just about Lukas’s favorite things. One question, though, made Lukas freeze up.   
  
“So, have you got any siblings?” Mathias asked, tilting his head slightly. Immediately, though not of his own free will, Lukas’s mind raced to a little boy, with bright eyes and messy platinum blond hair. A little boy who ran all over the house and made messes constantly, but never failed to bring a smile to Lukas’s face. A little boy who Lukas loved with all his heart. A little boy who was Lukas’s little brother, now a little boy Lukas would never see again. It made his heart ache. His throat was dry and his hands were clammy, his head was screaming, but Lukas fought through it all to answer.   
  
“I… did, at one point. A little brother. We got separated though, I haven’t seen him since he was young… he must be so much different now…” Lukas’s voice was closer to a whisper than anything else as he revealed this information to Mathias.

“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s sad. I’ve got a little brother too. He’s adopted though, I’ve only known him about five years, but he’s the coolest kid I know. He’s real sweet, bus mischievous and snarky at times, too. I’ve learned to not piss him off, ‘cause man, his glares are as cold as ice, and he holds grudges like no one’s business. He’s cool though. You’d probably like ‘im, too. He seems to be interested in the same things you are.” Mathias said with a smile. Lukas sighed. Mathias’s brother sounded a lot like like his own.

-

 _Mere weeks after the incident that claimed his parents’ lives, Lukas lost everything important to him. His family. His mom, who was his support pillar, and his dad, who taught him so many important lessons. Most importantly, though, was his little brother. Emil. Emil had been taken away to the orphanage, no matter how many times Lukas pleaded for Emil to be allowed to stay._   
_  
“The house is paid off, so he’ll always have a roof over his head. I can feed him, take care of him, even if I go without. He’ll be safe. Just don’t send him away. He’s all I have left. Please, don’t take him away from me.” Lukas remembers begging the social worker, but she would not listen to him. _

_“Though you have just turned 18, you are still a child, and don’t have money to pay your bills or feed yourself. That type of environment is not safe for a child. Seeing you might also remind him of his parents, and that would be too difficult for a child his age to go through. A constant reminder of his caretakers without them being there would cause him great distress. He cannot stay.” She had told him. Lukas felt his heart rip in half._

_How was this happening to him? Who had he wronged so badly for this to occur? First his parents, now his brother. He had no one left. No friends he could call for support, as he had become entirely unresponsive and cold upon the incident occurring. That had freaked them all out, and they had all ran away. They left him with nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company. Which wasn’t a good place for him._

_He began to work more hours at his current job, even getting another job in addition to that. His entire life outside of school became centered around working so he could afford his bills and food for himself. When he wasn’t working, he was studying and doing school work._

_Fortunately for him, he gotten into the school he had applied to. He went there for about three years, but over time disliked it, the feeling of discontentment growing with each passing day. Eventually, he transferred out and to his current school. Life got easier as time went on, but thinking about his brother and parents still hurt him._

-

Lukas had grown quiet, extremely so, as memories and flashbacks took him to a time he wanted to push from his mind as much as possible. He didn’t notice Mathias trying to get his attention until a hand waved in front of his face.

“Hey, earth to Lukas? The food’s coming, like, really soon. You okay?” Mathias looked concerned. Lukas failed to understand why.

“I’m alright. Why do you ask?”

“You were spacin’ out there, LuLu.” Mathias chuckled. Lukas was again reminded of little Emil, who’d use that same nickname because he found the name ‘Lukas’ to be a mouthful. The thought made him tear up, but he hurriedly wiped his eyes as the waitress set their food down so Mathias wouldn’t see the tears. He was thankful that Mathias didn’t notice. They thanked the waitress, who nodded as she left.

“Mathias, don’t call me that.” Lukas said a few minutes later.

“Call you what?” Mathias said around a mouthful of food. Lukas grimaced.

“‘LuLu.’ Also, talking with your mouth full is gross.” Lukas commented the last part under his breath, but Mathias seemed to have heard. He noticed that Mathias made sure to swallow what he was chewing before speaking.

“So, I have to go home to my brother in a few hours, but until then I’ve got nothing to do. We can hang out if you want?” Mathias offered.

“That sounds nice, yeah. Can we go back to campus first though? I left my car there, and I don’t want you to have to drive me around all day, especially when your brother expects you home.” Lukas said.

“Yeah, sure. When we get there, follow me in your car. I wanna show you something.”   
  
“Alright.”

-

They finished their meal in silence after that, then quickly head back to campus so Lukas could grab his car. Once he did, he followed Mathias.

Though, he did not know where he was taking him.

Lukas eventually found out, though, that it was to the top of a hill that overlooked their small town. The two of them parked their cars side by side, each sitting on the hood of their respective cars.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Mathias said, glancing over at Lukas.

“Breathtaking…” Lukas muttered in amazement as he took in the sight. He could see for miles out above the town. He had thought it small, but it was much larger than what he pictured an aerial view of it to look like. The nature surrounding it was simply stunning as well, it put him at a loss for words.

Eventually, though, Mathias started to talk once more. Lukas talked with him, and they sat and talked like that for what felt like hours. It was nice, if a bit odd. Lukas hadn’t ever spoken that much in one sitting before.

“Oh! Sorry Lukas, but I really have to go! Em needs me at home to start dinner.” Mathias said.   
  
“Em?” Lukas was confused. Who was Em? 

“My brother. I have to go help him start dinner. Text me later, though, yeah?” Mathias said, hopping off his car and entering it. He didn’t give Lukas much time to reply before he drove off.

“Sure, alright…” Lukas mumbled to himself in response to Mathias. Em… that used to be his nickname for Emil. He was positive it was a coincidence that Mathias’s brother had the same nickname, though. Lukas firmly believed he’d never see his little brother again. As much as that killed him inside, he learned to live with that fact.

Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was the same person they talked about. The same Em. _No, Lukas, don’t get your hopes up. That does more harm than good,_ he told himself. Even so, he let himself think about that possibility on the way back home.

When he arrived, the house felt a little bit brighter, livelier, warmer than when he left it last.   
  
He just hoped that feeling wouldn’t fade into ones that left him feeling more lonely than he ever had before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm here to bring you another chapter of Hey, Brother! If you couldn't tell, this story is set in Norway. I (flightlesscrow (norwaythememelord on tumblr)) am not from Norway nor have I ever lived there, but Sheepouttetradecagon is from Norway so they helped me find restaurants and guide me through the restaurant etiquette. It was a big help, so (if you see this) thanks so much! 
> 
> Feel free to come ask us about the fic (or just talk to us in general) at norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr!


	4. The sound of change

When Matthias said he’d be late, Emil had not expected this. He grumbled irritably as he shuffled around the kitchen, starting to find the ingredients to make pizza. Tuesdays were always a pain, and school hadn’t done anything to make him less irritable, not to mention the fact that he had been waiting for Matthias for the good part of an hour now. He decided that if his brother didn’t show up soon, he’d eat without him.

The pre-made base wasn’t cooperating, and stuck to the baking paper as if someone had tried to glue it to it. After struggling for a few minutes he had finally managed to roll it out, and despite the many holes in the dough, he was satisfied. Absentmindedly he started to spread the sauce and the cheese across, adding leftover meat as topping. Not very fancy, but it’d do.

When the pizza was finally in the oven, he sat down at the living room table, pulling out his homework. Their teacher had given them an assignment to write about one of their hobbies, which was okay in some ways, but Emil didn’t really have many hobbies. Well there was one, but it was a well-kept secret to keep Matthias from worrying about him, and his classmates weren’t the first he wanted to share it with. Tapping his pencil against the book, he glanced at the clock on the wall. The smell of pizza was starting to fill the room, making the dull white walls feel warmer and more welcoming. He and Matthias usually made it a point to cook and eat together, Matthias claiming nothing was better to bond over than meals.

It kind of reminded him of meals spent by a worn wooden table while the waves were beating angrily at the shore. Nothing like it was now, with his new home being situated in the middle of the city. Did he miss the coast? He wasn’t sure. Not that it mattered; the coast was only one town over after all.

Emil glanced up at the clock again, noting the few minutes until he had to take the pizza out of the oven. He had yet to get any work done and it was only one hour until 11pm. Maybe he’d just write about his secret hobby anyways, it wasn’t like Matthias would find out. Speaking of which.

“Where the hell did Matthias go?” He muttered quietly to himself. As if he had summoned the older man, the door burst open and Matthias came rushing through it, knocking over the shoe rack in the hallway in the process. He let out a surprised yelp and hurried to right it.

“Hi Em! Sorry I’m late, me and Luke just got carried away a bit. It won’t happened again.” Frowning, Emil rose from his chair and walked over to help put the shoes back in place. When they stood again, Matthias surprised Emil by pulling him into a firm hug, letting out a sigh in his hair.

“You weren’t worried were you?” Matthias released him from the embrace, putting his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders, his eyes lined with worry. It was so like him, always afraid of upsetting his adoptive brother. Emil shook his head, shrugging the Dane off.

“The pizza is probably done by now.”

“You started without me?!” Matthias asked, voice sounding slightly betrayed.

“Well, you never came home and I was getting hungry. Damn, Matthias, I actually have to get to bed at a decent time since I have school tomorrow. How was I supposed to know when you’d get your ass back here?”

They both stopped and stared at each other, slightly shocked. An ugly feeling was stirring in Emil’s gut. The two of them rarely snapped at each other, and when they did, their parents had been there to fix stuff between them. This was the first time since they moved out together that they had had an argument. With a start, Emil realized he was shaking. Taking a deep breath, pushing his face into his palm for a second, he turned around and walked into the kitchen.

As expected, Matthias followed soon after. The tension was thick in the air, making Emil wary of everything around him, as if he was afraid that one wrong step might make his world explode. Taking the oven mitts in his hands he tried to take the pizza out of the oven, but ended up burning himself on the edge. He swore angrily, almost dropping the pizza pan, but managed to get it onto the stovetop before he ran over to the sink to cool the burn.

It stung like hell, and he was starting to get some blisters around the area where he had touched the hot metal. Tears were stinging at the corner of his eyes, but he endured the pain silently. Matthias had shuffled up behind him, hovering at the outskirts of his personal space as if unsure of how close he was allowed to get.

 “Is everything okay Em? I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Emil nodded, turning the tap off. He glanced over his shoulder where he was met with big concerned blue eyes. Sighing, he made a small gesture to signalize it was okay for Matthias to hug him now. The older man smiled softly, pulling Emil against his chest. They just stood there for a while, embracing each other, not saying anything. Matthias was stroking his hair, muttering words of assurance into the younger boy’s hair, much like he used to do after Emil had nightmares as a kid. After Emil had calmed down a little, Matthias let him go, nodding towards the pizza.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong while we eat?”

Emil shrugged, reaching up into the cupboard to get the plates. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just a bit stressed out by school and I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve eaten.”

Matthias gave him a doubtful stare, but let it pass. They set the table in silence and only spoke about trivial things. The subject of school was gracefully avoided by both of them. Apart from Matthias telling him that he’d probably take “Lukey” to the startup party on Thursday, and therefore he would be a bit late, they didn’t speak of school related matters at all, something that Emil was very grateful for.

The sun had been shining too brightly through the worn curtains in the classroom. Emil had tried to ignore it, but the heat and the sharp rays from the offending ball of gas didn’t want to leave him alone. Leon had been talking nonstop about some video game he had been playing and the rest of the class wasn’t exactly quiet either.

However, he had been doing just fine, taking notes in classes and generally trying to keep a low profile. That was until he had gym class at the end of the day, and he was more or less owned in football. He was pretty sure the gym teacher had already given up on him. To make matters worse, he was locked out of the wardrobes after classes, and in the end he had ended up with walking home without showering. Safe to say his patience with the rest of his classmates was wearing thin.

The memories from earlier that day made Emil grimace, and he shoved another piece of pizza into his mouth. He was starting to feel progressively more tired as the clock kept counting the seconds, and he still hadn’t started on his presentation yet. Blinking, he sat up and gathered his cutlery (completely unnecessary for pizza, according to Matthias) and his plate and brought them to the kitchen. The Dane followed him with his eyes but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll be doing some homework before I go to bed. Good night.” He closed the door of his bedroom before he got an answer.

 

* * *

 

As expected, the next school day turned out much like the previous two, in other words shitty. This one was however, reaching whole new levels of shitty.

Their English teacher was an optimistic man with a very broken English that took his job way too seriously. He started the round of presentations the moment everyone had sat down. As expected, the majority of them were about sports, and Emil was starting to dread when his turn would come around. Leon had just finished a very colourful and animated presentation about video games, when the teacher’s eyes zoomed in on Emil.

He felt his throat run dry and a sense of panic settling in. Forcing himself to breathe evenly, he rose from his chair and made his way up to the blackboard. It took a few tries and a lot of fumbling with the cables to get the picture up on the screen, and by the time he was ready to start he was cold sweating. The classroom suddenly seemed very, very crowded.

Swallowing, he glanced at the teacher who was still smiling his big smile, eyes crinkling at the edges. The other students still hadn’t stopped chatting with each other, and it didn’t seem like the teacher was about to stop them anytime soon either. Emil glared harder at the man, pleading him to get the attention of the other kids for him. It took a few seconds, but then the teacher seemed to understand, and he clapped his hands, telling everyone to pipe down.

Emil decided he definitely didn’t feel better when all his classmates’ eyes were focused on him. He averted his eyes, trying to get his notes in order before he started to talk with a shaky voice.

“I’m going to talk about my past time, which is horseback riding, um…” Emil scanned the room, watching as the faces of the majority of his classmates remained passive, probably waiting for the class to end. I bet they couldn’t care less, could they? In the back, a few of the boys were snickering, one of them mouthing “girly” at him. His stomach felt heavy, his feet frozen to the ground as if they were roots keeping him there. _I’ll show them girly._

Taking a deep breath, he proceeded to tell them about going for rides in the woods and how he helped train horses that were competing internationally. He could feel his words starting to blur into each other as his sentences got faster and faster, longing for the presentation to end. By the time he was done he could feel tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. The class clapped lifelessly, and the teacher gave him permission to sit down again.

“Did he try to make it sound cool?” someone whispered incredulously as he hurried back to his seat, shoulders hunched and eyes fixed on the floor. He did his best to ignore the curious gaze that Leon was giving him.

He was glad that English was his last class of the day, as it gave him the opportunity to put some distance between him and his condescending classmates. He could feel his breaths getting shallower by the second, and all he wanted was to get somewhere to calm down. _I can’t have a breakdown here, my reputation is already ruined as it is._ He was just a few meters from the door when a hand took hold of his backpack and stopped him from reaching his much-needed goal.

Spinning around in a surge of fear, he lashed out to get the assailant to release his backpack. What he didn’t expect was his fist colliding with the face of a very surprised Leon, who gave an undignified yelp in both pain and shock. Emil could feel his cheeks starting to heat up as the other boy clutched his face in agony with a choked groan. There was blood dripping out of the part Chinese boy’s nose now, tainting the ugly hallway floor with crimson stains.

“Holy shit, you sure know how to pack a punch.” Leon’s voice was slightly nasal from pinching the tip of his nose to prevent the blood from getting everywhere. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to be very angry; quite on the contrary, was that an amused expression? Emil quickly looked around, searching for the closest toilet. Finally spotting one at the end of the hallway, he took hold of Leon’s arm and dragged the other boy, who was still clutching his nose, with him.

To Emil’s relief there wasn’t anyone by the sinks, and the battered green stalls seemed to be empty as well. The gross smell of school toilets was making Emil want to gag, but he stood silently by the paper dispenser and watched as Leon stuffed chunks of paper up his nose. After half a minute had passed, Leon seemed to be satisfied and turned around with a smug grin.

“Do I look fabulous now?” He pointed to the paper that was sticking comically out of his nostrils. It was already starting to get tainted with red. Emil felt the guilt settle in him as he regarded the other with a shameful expression.

“I’m sorry I punched you, I didn’t expect anyone to sneak up on me,” he mumbled, not quite able to meet Leon’s eyes. The goofy happiness that had resided in them before disappeared, replaced by something akin to sadness.

“Hey, you don’t need to worry about it. You didn’t break it or anything, and also It’ll be something to show my stupid brother when I get home.” Leon leaned back against the wall, crossing his hands over his chest. He stared towards the mirrors by the sink.

“You know, I thought you seemed interesting from the beginning, but I never knew you were so jittery. I was just hoping we could be friends or something. It’s not easy you know? Being the only Asian kid in the class. Even when you get accepted you know there’ll always be some people who’ll have something against you for stupid reasons.” He turned towards Emil again.

“I thought your presentation today was really nice by the way. Maybe you could take me to see your horse friends some day?” Before Emil had the chance to say anything, Leon had gathered up his things, leaving Emil standing alone in the draughty bathroom. Blinking, he realized that he wasn’t feeling anxious anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Looks like we managed to get another chapter up!  
> I guess I never introduced myself in the notes like my friend did, anyways, I'm arbitraryrambunctious and I'll be writing the icey parts :)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the new chapter, feel free to tell us what you thought in the comments
> 
> Or come bother us at tumblr, we're Sheepouttetradecagon and Norwaythememelord


	5. Don't Say a Word, Don't Make a Sound

It was Thursday evening, and Lukas had just returned home from his last class when he received a text. He knew who it was from, since only one person ever texted him, but he pulled out his phone to check anyways.

**From: Mathias**

**Hey Luke!!! You wanna come to the startup party with me tonight??? You should, maybe you’ll meet some new people!!**

Lukas huffed. He was never a party person, much preferring to stay home and watch a movie with his brother. But his brother wasn’t here with him anymore, and the house was much too big for him to stay there by himself all night when he could be doing other things.

 **To: Mathias** **  
** **Sure. I’ll meet you there. What time?**

 **From: Mathias** **  
** **6!!!! See ya there, Lukey!!!!**

Lukas rolled his eyes at the nicknames. He felt like Mathias would come up with an endless list. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about that. It was around four now, so he had around an hour and a half to get ready.

Instead of getting ready, however, he sat around and watched television until he had to leave. He didn’t particularly care that much though, and thought about how being at home (as boring as it was) was much better than socializing in large numbers. But he had agreed to go, so he would.

The drive to the destination (which Mathias had told him earlier that day) was quiet, only the sound of the tires on the road could be heard. He hadn’t bothered with the radio. It distracted him, and he couldn’t afford to be distracted while driving. Not with what happened to his parents. He vowed to never be the distracted driver that would ruin others lives because of causing an accident. That’s why he never played the radio, spoke to others, or had his phone on his person when he drove. To  keep him and everyone else safe.

He shook his head at a stoplight to clear his thoughts. Thinking too much was distracting, too. Until he got to his destination, he only focused on the road in front of him. Luckily, he was close.   
  
When he got there, not a lot of people were there yet, so he parked close to the exit so he wouldn’t get stuck in traffic. He saw Mathias across the lot, but he looked busy, so he didn’t go up to greet him.

It turns out that he didn’t have to, though, as Mathias spotted Lukas and quickly ran over to him.

“Hey, Lukey!!!” Mathias said in an excited tone. He quickly hugged Lukas, letting go soon after, and dragged him along to the entrance into the party. He spoke about how fun it was going to be, and how many great opportunities Lukas would have to express himself and make new friends. Lukas didn’t have time to voice his thoughts on that as they entered the building.

There were only a handful of people in the room when they arrived, which Lukas was happy about. The lighting was soft and gave off a comforting glow. Lukas was surprised at how… _calm_ he felt. He wasn’t expecting to feel this at ease. Nevertheless, he stuck close to Mathias, not wanting to get separated from him.

“Oh, oh, I have to introduce you to Berwald and Tino! Ber doesn’t talk much, but he’s super cool when ya get to know ‘im. Tino’s super friendly, I think you’ll like him. Oh, speaking of them, there they are!” Mathias told Lukas. He pointed to two blonds, a short one and a tall one, and dragged Lukas over to say ‘hello.’

“Hi, Mathias! Who’s your friend?” The shorter one said, looking at Lukas with big brown eyes and a warm smile on his face. Lukas shied away from the attention, stepping behind Mathias some. He observed the taller of the two looking at him too, but Lukas felt more like he was being glared out.   
  
“Hi Tino, Berwald! This is Lukas.” Mathias said, bringing Lukas to stand beside him instead of behind him. Lukas nervously glanced around at all three people.   
  
“Hi, Lukas! It’s nice to meet you. I’m Tino, and this-” Tino gestured to the taller person with his hand “-is Berwald.” Berwald nodded in agreement, sending a small wave to Lukas.   
  
“Um, hi…” Lukas said quietly. He wasn’t sure how to go about talking to these new people. Where would he begin? He didn’t have much experience in making friends. Mathias was an exception, but if Lukas hadn’t been paired up with him when he transferred here, he most likely would not have made friends with him in the first place. It was easy when the other person did most of the talking, but it seemed like Lukas would have to start this conversation himself. He didn’t know what to say.   
  
“Well, now that we’re all situated, I’m gonna go grab everyone a drink. What do you guys want?” Mathias asked.

“Just water for me, thanks.” Tino responded.   
  
“Same here.” Berwald said. Lukas was surprised at how deep Berwald’s voice was, but he supposed it wasn’t unfitting.

“I’ll take a glass of water, too.” Lukas said. He watched Mathias’s smile turn into a pout.   
  
“You guys are no fun. I’m getting a beer. Berwald, come help me carry the drinks please?” Mathias asked. Berwald nodded and went to help Mathias, leaving Tino and Lukas there.   
  
“So, how do you know Mathias?” Tino asked Lukas.   
  
“I transferred here recently, he was assigned to be my ‘partner’ and show me around, and I guess help me socialize, too.” Lukas answered.   
  
“Oh, really? I started here two years ago, so Berwald was my buddy. We became good friends, though. Kind of funny, yeah? We’re sort of in the same situation.” Lukas nodded at Tino’s words.   
  
“So, um, how do you know Mathias?” Lukas awkwardly asked.   
  
“He and Berwald had been friends for a while, so he was always around us, and eventually we all became friends. I’m hoping to see you around more, too. You seem like you’d be fun to be around.” Tino smiled. Lukas averted his eyes, not knowing how to respond.

“I mean, not really, but thanks? If you’d have me, I’ll be around, I guess.” Lukas said quietly. He found it unlikely though that he’d hang out with them if Mathias wasn’t there. _Maybe if you just open up some you’ll make friends and won’t have to rely on one person for all your social needs???_ A voice inside him said. Lukas ignored it. _That’s not as easy as it sounds._

“You’re welcome anytime!” Tino smiled brightly. Mathias and Berwald came back with the drinks. Berwald gave Tino a glass of water, keeping one for himself, while Mathias handed a glass of water to Lukas.   
  
“Thanks,” Lukas responded, taking a small sip of the beverage.   
  
“No problem, buddy!” Mathias said, patting Lukas on the shoulder before taking a sip of his drink.   
  
From there on, Mathias and Tino did most of the talking, though every once in awhile Lukas would be asked a question and he’d answer it. Berwald didn’t say much, but Lukas could tell he was actively following the conversation.

Over time, more people came to the party. He was glad that he was with someone he knew the whole time, but could feel a growing sense of discomfort with each passing second. The room was increasingly filling up, leaving less space to move around, leaving less room for anyone to catch their breath.   
  
It didn’t help the fact that Mathias was shit-faced drunk at this point, and leaning all over Lukas. He found it hard to stay calm, and was desperately trying to avoid a panic attack. Someone accidentally bumped into him, and because he was trying to keep Mathias upright, beer splashed all over Mathias and himself. His face burned. He heard someone apologize, but it sounded very far away. Tino asked him if he was alright.   
  
“I’m fine. Uh, I think I’m gonna head home now, though. I’ll take him along, he can’t drive like this and I wouldn’t wanna burden you two with taking care of him. See ya later,” Lukas said. He didn’t wait for a response before he dragged Mathias out of the building and towards his car. Thankfully, the site was on campus, so Mathias’s car would be just fine where it was. He could pick it up tomorrow.   
  
“Oh god, oh god, oh god, why this…” Lukas whispered angrily to himself. He didn’t blame anyone, but he had a feeling that he should have stayed home.

“Hey, buddy, where’re we goin’?” Mathias slurred, lazily walking beside Lukas, who had a death grip on his arm. “Yer gonna make my arm fall off…”

“No, I’m not. And we’re going to my house.” Lukas said, unlocking his car when they got close enough. He helped Mathias into the passenger seat, buckling him before getting into the driver’s seat.  
  
“Nnno, I can’t go to yer house, buddy!! I gotta go home to Emmmm!” Mathias protested. Lukas rolled his eyes.   
  
“You’re drunk, I’m not letting you drive, and it isn’t fair to make a little brother take care of his drunk older brother. So, you’re staying at my house for the night. You can go home tomorrow when you’re more sober.” Lukas said. He drove out of the lot, and towards his house. He was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white, but he didn’t care. _Just get home, just get home, just get home._ A mantra in his head, keeping him focused.

“My car…” Mathias pouted, crossing his arms.   
  
“It’ll be there tomorrow.” Lukas assured him. He got home as quickly as he could, helping Mathias get out of the car and into the house. As soon as they got in the door, Mathias turned to him.   
  
“Lukey, I dun feel so good…” He whined. Lukas lead him to the closest bathroom without a word. Almost as soon as they got into the door, Mathias had his head in the toilet, all the contents of his stomach coming up. Lukas sighed, but sat with him, rubbing his back until he felt better. Just then, he heard a ringtone go off. It wasn’t his, since he kept his phone on vibrate nearly 24/7, so he figured it was Mathias’s.   
  
Not particularly caring much at this point for boundaries, he dug in Mathias’s pocket until he found the cellphone. He looked at the caller ID. All it said was “Em.” He answered it, remembering Mathias’s brother was called Em.   
  
“Hello?” Lukas said, walking out of the bathroom so as not to disturb Mathias.   
  
“Mathias? Where the hell are you?! It’s like, 12 in the morning!” A frantic voice on the other end of the line responded.   
  
“No, no, not Mathias. His friend. The one he was taking to the party? That friend. Yeah…” Lukas said, trying to calm down the boy who he could tell was upset.   
  
“Who? Why is he with you and not at home?” Em said. Lukas sighed. He walked into the living room, sitting on the ledge by the big front windows, where he could see the water lapping against the coast.   
  
“Um, I don’t know if he told you my name, but he seems to like calling me Luke? My name is Lukas, though. He’s with me because he got really drunk and I didn’t trust him to drive home. I didn’t think it was fair to you for me to take him home and have you watch him, either. Also, I don’t know where his house is at. So…” Lukas responded. He heard a groan come from the bathroom. The line on the other end got quiet. Eerily quiet. It made Lukas uneasy.   
  
“Are you alright?” He asked. “I’m sorry, I can bring him home if you want.”

“Lukas… it’s probably a coincidence…” He heard Em whisper. He felt like he wasn’t meant to hear it, but he responded anyways.  
  
“What’s a coincidence?” He asked. He heard a shaky breath from the other line.   
  
“Nothing. Just, make sure he’s alright and comes home tomorrow.” Em said. After that, the connection got cut. Lukas was left with nothing more than a beeping sound in his ear. He felt strangely empty and alone, despite having another person in his house with him for the first time since his brother was taken to the orphanage.   
  
Looking out at the sea, he was reminded of when he’d sit in this exact spot with little Emil, sitting with him in his lap as he sang songs to him and told him fairytale stories.

___  
  
_“More, tell me more, LuLu!” Emil shouted, laughing and wriggling out of his brother’s grip so he could look at him face to face._   
  
_“Alright, alright. Sit still, you’ll fall.” Lukas chuckled, ruffling his brother's hair. He smiled at Emil as he glared up at him through messy hair, but the glare was soon replaced with an eager look of excitement as he awaited the next tale._

 _Lukas told him of fairies and trolls who lived deep in the Norwegian forests, and of dragons who terrorized entire towns but were brought down by brave warriors, and of ogres who lived in the swamp who lived alone but were visited by many other creatures. He’d tell silly stories, sad stories (with a happy ending, of course), and serious stories that are taken as lessons. Emil hung onto every word his brother uttered, staring wide-eyed at Lukas while he spoke. When he was done, Emil would clap and give his approval of the stories._   
  
_It was a fun bonding time for the two brothers, and it was something they did often. Both enjoyed it as much as the other did._

_____

Lukas took a shaky breath, willing himself not to cry.   
  
“LuLu…” He heard Mathias whine from the bathroom. He set the phone on the side table and went to check on him.   
  
“Feeling better?” Lukas asked him. Mathias nodded.   
  
“My mouth tastes gross though,” he added.   
  
“Hold on.” Lukas rummaged in the bathroom closet for a spare toothbrush. When his efforts produced results, he handed the toothbrush to Mathias. “Toothpaste and mouthwash are in the cupboard somewhere. I’m going to head to bed now. Your phone is on the table out there. And there’s a spare room right beside this room. My room’s across from it if you need anything.” Lukas then left to get himself ready for bed.   
  
He moved through the motions slowly, and his usual 5 minute routine of brushing his teeth and changing into night clothes took three times longer than usual.   
  
When he finally laid down in bed, he couldn’t fall asleep. The person on the phone… it reminded him a lot of his little brother, but he couldn’t place why or how. It kept him up. He tossed and turned all night.   
  
At 3:02 in the morning, he heard his bedroom door open. A little sliver of light from the hallway snuck into the room, illuminating the figure in the doorway.   
  
“Lukas?” It said, creeping into the room.   
  
“Hmm?” Lukas hummed in response.   
  
“I can’t sleep.”   
  
“Neither can I. C’mere, Mathias.” With that, Mathias shut the door and walked over to Lukas’s bed.   
  
“You can lay here if it helps you sleep.”   
  
“Really?”   
  
“Yeah. Just, if you hit me in your sleep, you’re getting kicked out of bed.”

He heard a chuckle come from Mathias as he slipped under the covers next to Lukas. “Alright, I’ll try not to, then.”

“Hmm.” Lukas hummed again. He closed his eyes. It was much warmer now than it had been. With Mathias right beside him, Lukas found it hard to think about the similarities between their brothers, and instead used this difficulty as an opportunity to close his eyes. He was glad he didn’t have classes that day, even if he’d have to drive Mathias to campus to get his car. A few minutes later, he fell asleep. 

___

He woke up and found himself snuggled close to Mathias. He decided not to think about that as he detached himself and got ready for the day. His explanation would be that Mathias was a source of warmth, and it’s natural for humans to seek out warmth if they’re cold (which, he was).   
  
He made some coffee to wake himself up, and Mathias followed the scent to the kitchen.   
  
“Good morning,” Lukas said quietly, sipping his coffee as he read an article on his phone. “Sleep well?”   
  
“Yeah.” Mathias yawned. He walked towards the coffee maker. “Can I have a cup?”   
  
“Sure.” Lukas replied. “You don’t have any classes today, do you?”

“Nope. But I should get home to Emil soon, so would you mind driving me to campus to get my car?” Mathias said. Lukas froze up. Emil… Mathias’s brother’s name was Emil. Just like his brother. He shook his head. _It’s probably just a coincidence. Don’t get riled up over it._

“Yeah, sure. I have to get some groceries, anyways.” Lukas said, his voice barely above a whisper. He got a concerned look from Mathias, but he was glad when Mathias said nothing about it.

“Alright, thanks.”   
  
“Yeah, no problem.”   
  
About thirty minutes later, the two head out in Lukas’s car. It was quiet, no one speaking. Lukas found it odd that Mathias was so quiet, but didn’t mention his silence.   
  
When they got to the university, Lukas parked beside Mathias’s car.   
  
“Thanks, Luke. Text me later, yeah?” Mathias said, getting out of Lukas’s car. He kept the door open so he could hear Lukas’s reply.   
  
“Yeah, okay. Bye, Mathias.” Lukas said. Mathias smiled and shut the car door, getting into his own car and driving home.   
  
Lukas sat there in his car for a while after, thinking about some things. Was Mathias’s silence in the car a sign that he was growing sick of Lukas? No, perhaps he was just tired. It’s plausible. Both of them were awake till late. But what if that wasn’t the reason?   
  
It wasn’t until it started raining outside that Lukas snapped out of his thoughts. He took his car out of park, and drove out of the parking lot towards the grocery store.   
  
But insecurities and questions still flooded his mind. As they got worse, so did the storm. He found it ironic that the weather matched his mood so well. Almost as if he controlled it. Emil used to believe he did. He allowed a tear to roll down his cheek and a bittersweet smile play on his lips. Today was going to be a long day for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy!!! Another chapter up! This one was fun to write, hopefully it's fun to read. 
> 
> If u feel like screaming to one of us about the fic, our tumblrs are norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon!!!
> 
> (Chapter title is from the song Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöv)


	6. Å svaran som æ gi dæ e itj dæm æ hadd I går

Emil felt like he had been trampled by an angry flock of buffaloes when he hauled himself through the door of his classroom the next day. However, unlike in _The Lion King_ , he was still not dead. The students were still chatting loudly when he entered, and his chair was missing. Leon was nowhere to be seen. Sighing, Emil scanned the room in annoyance, trying to find an empty chair.  
  


The previous night had not been very good. After hours of worrying about Matthias, he had finally been able to go to bed, despite it being much later than his usual bedtime. Still, he’d had not been able to sleep properly, thoughts about his biological brother overwhelming him. _It’s stupid, how many Lukas's do you think there are in the world? Also, he’d be a year younger than Matthias, they wouldn’t be in the same class._ Still, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny twinge of hope that maybe his brother was out there somewhere, safe and sound. He barely got any sleep.  
  


The classes was a pain like usual, and even more so when Leon didn’t show up for the rest of the day. He ended up sitting alone in the common area by the canteen in his free period, strategically blocking the view of his laptop screen by situating himself by a pillar. He was just starting another episode of the new anime he had discovered recently when a stack of textbooks were slammed down onto his table.  
  


Not expecting this, Emil fell hallway out of his chair in shock, dropping the lunchbox that had been resting on his lap. He gathered it up and shot a glare at the person who had disturbed him. There was a reason he had sat himself down in a corner like that. His eyes were met by a big grin and confused blue eyes. They just stared at each other for a few seconds, before the guy burst into laughter. Emil looked around briefly, wondering if perhaps the media class was filming for hidden camera or something.  
  


“Can I help you?” he asked, eyeing the other boy confusedly. He blinked at him, opening his mouth as if to say something but closed it again before choking out in a very broken Norwegian.

“Snakke du engelsk?” It took a moment for the message to sink in but when he did, he couldn’t help but scoff.  
  


“Yes I speak English, what did you think?” The moment the words were out of his mouth he regretted them, realizing that they had probably sounded really rude. _This is why you don’t have any friends._ The other, however, didn’t seem to be fazed at all by Emil’s curtness, and grabbed hold of a chair sliding it out so he could sit down on it. Emil scooted a few centimetres to the left to make more room between them, still not sure what it was the other boy wanted.  
  


“Good, you’ve gotta help me dude. I can’t understand the Norwegian school system at all!”

The other boy started rummaging in his pile of books and papers before he pulled out a crumpled paper with colourful boxes on it. He handed the paper to Emil, who accepted it with some hesitation, looking up at the kid for an explanation.  
  


“I’m Alfred F. Jones, exchange student. Man, I’m glad I found you, everyone else seemed really busy, so I didn’t know who else to ask.” _Well it isn’t like I agreed to help you but I guess I don’t have a choice_ , Emil thought to himself.  
  


“So, what’s your name?”  
  


“Emil, Emil Bondevik,” Emil replied, eyeing the timetable in his hands. It was the basic one that was the same for most classes in _Studiespesialiserende_ , which meant it had all the subjects listed on it. With a sigh, Emil realized the guy was in his second year, which meant that the timetable was even more confusing than his own.  
  


“Look. I know it seems confusing and all, but I can’t really help you since I don’t know what subjects you are taking. Can’t you just see if-“  
  


“That’s not a problem, hold on!” Alfred started to dig around in his paper pile again before pulling out another paper, equally crumpled, but still readable. He excitedly handed it over to Emil. It took a few tries before Emil could decipher the many codes for different subjects, but he managed to figure them all out and wrote down a list of the subjects Alfred would actually have.  
  


He was prepared to go back to watch his anime when Alfred spoke up again. He kept Emil company for the whole free period, and even though the part Norwegian, part Icelandic boy didn’t really say much, Alfred seemed to be content with leading the conversation himself. He talked about anything from amazing things he had seen, to the latest superhero movies and about how different Norway was from his own country.  
  


It seemed when only a few minutes had passed when Alfred jumped out of his chair with a “Shit, I’m going to be late! Nice talking to you, see you around!”  
  


Then he was gone. For the second time that year, Emil was left wondering if he had made yet another friend.

 

* * *

  
He took the other bus after school, watching the cityscape turn into greens and the soft yellows of wheat fields as they made their way out to the country. He hadn’t been in the stables in two weeks when he stepped into the small building. What with the summer break coming to an end, and Matthias finally having some time off work, he had spent the past few weeks in a cabin up in _Nordland_. It had been an amiable experience, and his adoptive parents had been overjoyed from seeing the two again. However, as much as he loved their little cabin situated out on one of the many islands up north, he couldn’t help but miss the calm atmosphere that filled the old barn.  
  


He had been coming there for three years, in other words ever since Matthias moved out, and even though he often had the company of his new brother again, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to stop. Since their family wasn’t particularly rich, Emil hadn’t dared to ask his parents to be allowed such an expensive hobby, and he didn’t want them to feel bad about not being able to provide it for him; thus, his visits to the stable had been kept secret from them.  
  


The temperature in the air was slowly starting to drop as the sun hung low over the mountaintops. Emil breathed in the fresh air, so unlike the air in the city, even though they were only a few minutes outside it. It still wasn’t cold enough for his breath to show in the air, but he was grateful for his jacket.  
  


The horses were standing under a cusp of threes, lazily batting flies away with their tails, their ears relaxed backwards. It didn’t take Emil long to single out the one who he’d been training for the past years, her brown coat easily distinguishable from the many red and black horses. Gígja. The mare greeted him by breathing warm air over his hands, nudging him to see if he had any candy.  
  


“Not today,” he smiled, and fastened the halter. It was nice and calm when he got back to the stables since there wasn’t anyone else around. He took his time finding all the things he needed before heading back to Gígja again.  
  


As he gathered up the brushes to start cleaning the mud out of Gígja’s fur, the door to the little barn flew up, revealing a short man with gold blond hair.  
  


“Hey Emil, how have you been!?” He bellowed. The man was followed by a slightly taller one with shoulder length brown hair. He too gave Emil a small nod, smiling slightly as they walked up to where Emil was standing. At first, the man might seem a bit shallow and carefree, but Emil knew that deep down, he was a good person. It had been a coincidence, really.  
  


_Emil had just been taking a different route home after school one year, just to clear his head a little, and had ended up walking past the frodig pastures. Normally, he wouldn’t have stopped if he saw horses, because they were normal enough, and he wasn’t a small child anymore; they didn’t amaze him like they used to. However, something had drawn him to the vast paddock where the small horses were grazing calmly. It had stung his heart to realize that they were Icelandic horses, just like the kind his mother used to take him to see. The same kind she used to have when Emil and Lukas were younger, but had to_ _give up when her job took up too much time to have both a horse and two young kids._  
  


_Emil had just stood there in awe for a few minutes when a blond man dressed in colourful riding gear had come up to him, slightly jittery, but also sort of intimidating. Sensing that he might not be welcome, Emil took a step back from the fence separating him and the animals._

_“Who are you? We don’t want any trouble, okay? If you’re here to hurt the horses, I will call the police.” The man had said, casting worried glances around. Emil had hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder again, getting ready to leave._  
  


_“I was just watching your horses. I wasn’t going to, don’t worry, I’ll be going.” He had planned on just getting out of there as soon as possible before the weird man got angry at him. But before he got any far, he was stopped by the man calling out to him again._  
  


_“So you like horses?”_  
  


_The memory of his mother taking him for rides in the woods and the smell of fresh hay in the summer came back to him, urging him to keep on talking with the man, even though he wasn’t very good with strangers._  
  


_“Yes. I really do.”_  
  


_He didn’t know how long they stood there just talking, but it turned out that the man had known Emil’s mother from competing against her. When he heard that the woman he had admired so much had died, he didn’t hesitate with offering Emil a place to ride in exchange of him helping out at the stables every now and then. They never mentioned anything about parents or guardians, which Emil appreciated, and neither did the topic become worth mentioning later._

In the present, they made some small talk before Feliks presented his issue to Emil. He rarely came just to chat, so Emil wasn’t surprised when the short man came with a message. The fact that Toris was there too just built up under that assumption. Feliks wasn’t a man who’d put forth his case without backup. Not that he needed it, but whenever there was serious matters at hand, finding Toris somewhere in his vicinity wasn’t uncommon.  
  


They were both standing by the box now, Feliks leaning over the half-wall to brush his hands through Gígja’s mane. The mare regarded her owner with calm eyes, not really minding the extra attention.  
  


“You know, there’s a competition coming up in two weeks time. I was thinking that maybe we should enter Gígja. Her gait has really improved after you started using her. I think she’ll stand a good chance of winning.”  
  


Emil nodded, not feeling too good about it, despite being proud of having accomplished so much with her. However, that was how Feliks ran his business. Even though he did love his horses and would never treat them badly, what it came down to in the end, was placing well in competitions so he could breed foals with good pedigrees. Foals that would sell for a lot of money.  
  


He stopped brushing the mare for a moment. Instead, he started to clean small chunks of hair out of the red plastic brush. He really hoped that it’d be just a local one, and not some grand event that would take place at the other side of the country. With Matthias beginning to be more absent he felt a slight need of something to lean on. Visiting Gígja never failed to calm him down. He didn’t say any of this though. Instead, he turned and gave Feliks a forced smile.  
  


“That’s great Feliks. Just tell me when it’s going to be and I’ll make sure not to take her out then.”

Feliks paused for a second, before gathering himself again. Behind him, Toris was nursing an amused smile. Confused, Emil let his eyes flicker between the two men.

“I thought you might want to try competing. After all, your mom was great at it, and I believe you’ll be the best suited to bring out Gígja’s best.”  
  


Emil couldn’t contain his smile anymore. He had never expected to be ask to compete. Although he often helped train the yearlings, he had never entered a competition before, and there were several other people who frequented Feliks’ place who were much more experienced than he was.  
  


“Thank you, I’ll try my best.”  
  


“Don’t worry kid, I know you two will do great. Feel free to come as often you’d like until then. I’m expecting you to put in some training.” Nodding, Emil started to put on the saddle and the bridle as Feliks sauntered out of the barn. Toris uttered a good luck before leaving as well.  
  


Feeling encouraged, Emil hurried with getting ready, moving around the little barn with a slight spring in his step. He was just about to take Gígja out when his phone buzzed for a moment, catching his attention. Blinking, he reached down into his pocket to fish it out. Matthias’ name was lit up across the display.  
  


**From: Matthias**

**Hey Emmy! I forgot some things over at Lukey’s place so I’ll just head over there to pick them up. Might take a while, so don’t wait up for me. See ya later!  
**   


Emil clutched his phone, staring blankly down at it, his face not betraying a single change in emotion. _Of course he is.  
_  

When he got out of the barn, he didn’t head towards the paddock where he usually practiced tölt. Instead, he set course for the woods, not caring that it was starting to get dark. Setting his feet in his horse’s sides after walking for a few minutes he let his frustrations drown in the green foliage surrounding him.  
  


He rode for what felt like hours, and it probably was. He didn’t have a goal, but let Gígja take him wherever. The crisp air was starting to feel cold against his skin, and he wished he had worn gloves. It was only hours later when he found his way back to the stable, horse drenched in sweat and fingers red from the cold, that he realized how tired he was.  
  


Deciding that it was a bit too cold to let Gígja out before she had dried up a little, he found some hay and left her in one of the stables in the barn.

* * *

It was nearing 11 pm when Emil finally dragged himself through the door of the apartment. He just wanted to take a long shower and go to bed, homework be damned. As he walked down the hallway, he noticed the light being on in his peripheral vision. Before he could ponder on why that was, he was interrupted by the sound of a chair scraping against the floor and a tall body slamming into him.  
  


“Holy shit, Emil, where were you? Do you have any idea of how worried I’ve been?! I tried to call you more than ten times the past hour!” Matthias was squeezing him tightly to his chest, as if Emil would disappear if he let go. Emil could feel his rapid breaths starting to calm a bit as the arms around him relinquished their crushing hold. Instead, Matthias put his hands on Emil’s shoulders, shoving him slightly away from himself.  
  


“Where were you Emil? I didn’t think you’d be the kind of person to just disappear like that.”

Matthias’ eyes were hard to meet as they were staring at him full of worry. Instead, Emil let his eyes drift to the door that lead into the bathroom. He had always known that keeping his visits to Feliks’ farm secret, but he had never imagined telling his brother like this. Actually, he wasn’t going to. Finally being able to meet Matthias’ eyes, he started to feel anger boil in him. What did he owe him anyway? _He_ was the one who had been leaving him alone so much lately. And wasn’t he 15 years old? He was more than old enough to make choices himself.  
  


“I was just around,” he mumbled, trying to get past his brother so he could get to his room. Matthias snorted and gave a humourless laugh.  
  


“Around? You could at least have told me that you were going to be late? For all I knew you were in hospital or something. You could be lying beat up in some ditch in a dark alley without anyone to help you. Do you think I could have lived with myself if something happened to you without me knowing? Without me being able to help?”  
  


“How _dare_ you?! Don’t you think I was worried when you didn’t come home last night? I knew you would be late, but you could at least have stayed sober enough to get back to me. I couldn’t even sleep properly last night. It’s like you like your stupid new friend better than me!”  
  


This made Matthias’ grip on him go limp. His mouth was open in disbelief, as if he had just witnessed the world end. The dim lights were casting ghostly shadows on his face, making his blue eyes even more prominent than usual. His voice was raspy when he started talking again.  
  


“Is that really what you think of me? That’d I’d chose some random new guy at school over you?”

Emil averted his eyes, staring stubbornly into the wall. He knew he had probably taken it too far, but he wasn’t about to admit it.  
  


“It’s not like that and you know it, but I have _responsibilities_ Emil. I can’t just leave him to himself.”

Emil snorted, pushing past Matthias and entered his room. He paused at the door, looking back.  
  


“So I’m not your responsibility anymore, then?”  
  


He regretted the words the moment they passed his lips, but he didn’t take them back. For the second night in a row, he didn’t sleep well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy!  
> So I'm here leaving another chapter again (possibly the last one in a week's time but you guys still have the amazing flightlesscrow to write for you so don't worry!)
> 
> Some cultural notes and translations:
> 
> Å svaran som æ gi dæ e itj dæm æ hadd I går: from a song called "Lys og Varme" by Åge Aleksandersen. It means "and the answers that I gave you isn't the ones I had yesterday" (keep in mind it is written in dialect). Lys og varme means "Light and warmth"
> 
> Snakke du engelsk?: A slightly broken way of asking if someone speaks english. The correct spelling would be "snakker du engelsk" but since America is rather new to the language he probably haven't got all the conjugating right yet
> 
> Timetables: In the first year, the students in the same class will have mostly the same subjects except you can choose different math and foreign language. In the second and third year, you'll have to choose some optional courses. This can be stuff like physics, chemistry, psychology or social science etc.
> 
> Studiespesialiserende: In norwegian high school you can choose what you want to study. Studiespesialiserende is general stuff like maths, languages, social sciences or science. Other things you can choose that is not studiespesialiserende might be media, art, sports or economy.
> 
> Nordland: an administrative region in Norway situated in the north. Literally means northern land
> 
> Gígja: An icelandic horse name meaning fiddle
> 
> Tölt: one of two special gaits that icelandic horses can use. Often competed in.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!  
> If you want to talk to either of us you can fin us on tumblr as norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon


	7. I Wrote You This Letter, I'm Wishing You Well

The next few days were confusing for Lukas. Mathias didn’t text him at all over the weekend, which made Lukas assume he was just busy, but still found it odd considering the amount of texting that came before this sudden decrease. He also had minimal contact with Mathias up until Wednesday. That contact was purely for showing Lukas to class or explaining schedules. 

On Thursday, Lukas had decided that he had had enough of this. He wasn’t going to let another friend slip away like he had with so many others. Mathias was all he had left now, and he’d be damned if he was going to give up on him that easily. 

It was around three in the afternoon, when he knew Mathias’s last class was ending. He stood by Mathias’s car, waiting nervously for the tall blond to make an appearance. When he finally showed, he gave Lukas a confused look.    
  
“What are you doing here? I figured you’d want to go straight home. What’s up?” Mathias asked him, but Lukas could hear an air of uncertainty behind the false confidence Mathias was trying to have. 

“You haven’t been yourself lately. It’s like you’ve been avoiding me. I want to know why.” Lukas said, getting straight to the point. He was never one to beat around the bush. He had rehearsed this several times in his head, though, even going as far as whispering it to himself to make sure he wouldn’t stumble over his words when he said them. 

“I haven’t been avoiding you…” Mathias said quietly, though he refused to meet Lukas’s gaze. Lukas rolled his eyes.    
  
“I can tell when people are lying, Mathias, and all signs show that you are. What did I do?” He was desperate to know. He didn’t want to be alone again, and wanted to know what he’d done wrong so he could fix it.

“You didn’t do anything. Just, drop it, Lukas.” Mathias said. He moved around Lukas and opened his car door. Lukas was stunned. Mathias never said his name, always a shortened version. Hearing his name come from the Dane’s lips confused him further. He only stared at the spot where Mathias had stood in front of him until he heard the starting of an engine. Snapping to attention, he whipped around to see Mathias getting ready to drive away. He quickly opened the passenger door.    
  
“What the hell? Lukas, what are you doing? I have to get home.” Mathias said. Lukas could tell he was annoyed. Lukas would be too. Not knowing what had changed was killing him, though, and he couldn’t bear it much longer. 

“What-” Lukas had to pause before he continued speaking, preventing a voice crack. He was getting too emotional. He had to push that down. “What did I do, Mathias? Why won’t you talk to me?” 

“Lukas, I seriously don’t have time for this right now. I’ll text you later.” Mathias said. Lukas shook his head.    
  
“You won’t, though. You haven’t for a while now. I just want to know what I did wrong. Please. Tell me what I did. Not knowing is killing me. I can’t stand it. Dammit, Mathias, I don’t want to be left alone again. Losing my parents, and then my brother, was hard enough. I never had many friends. I don’t want to lose you too. Not without answers. I’m not letting you leave until I have answers.” Lukas said. He hung his head, letting his hair fall in front of his face so Mathias wouldn’t see the stray tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. He never told anyone what he was feeling before. It was hard, but he had to, he had no other choices. 

“Lukas…” Mathias whispered. He sighed. “Get in.”    
  
“What?”    
  
“I said, get in. I’ll call my brother, tell him I’ll be home later than expected.” Mathias said. He dialed the number as Lukas got into the car. Mathias’s car was nice; it had an in-car phone system, where you could speak with others through the speakers. Lukas had never been in a car with this before.    
  
“Mathias?” Mathias’s brother answered the phone.    
  
“Hey, Em. I’ll be home a bit late today. Something came up, I gotta take care of it.” Mathias said. “I’ll be home for dinner, though.”    
  
“Way to make me seem like I’m just a school project…” Lukas whispered to himself. He had been sure no one had heard, but maybe he was louder than he thought.    
  
“Who’s with you? I heard someone say something.” Em said through the speakers.    
  
“Hi, sorry. It’s me again. I won’t keep him too long this time. I’m still sorry for last time.” Lukas said. He wasn’t sure if Em remember last Thursday.    
  
“Oh. You. Alright. I have homework, so I better go do that. Don’t be home too late. Bye, Mathias.” Em said before hanging up. For some reason, Lukas felt an odd sting from Em’s words. Like he was being rejected by his own family.  _ That’s absurd, Lukas, honestly. This kid doesn’t know even you. _

Mathias sighed, as did Lukas. They sat in silence for a while until Lukas said something.    
  
“Whatever I did, I’m sorry for it, and I’ll try my best to correct it.” Lukas said quietly.    
  
“Look, you didn’t do anything. I guess it was unfair of me to cut back contact so much without explainin’ anything to ya. So, here goes…

“I had been spending a lot of time with Emil before you transferred here. When you came, I had more responsibilities that pertained to you, and had to spend more time with you. That lead to me not being home as much. That meant Emil was by himself more. He doesn’t like that so much, being alone. It reminds him of a hard time he was in. But I left him alone longer than I should have most days.”    
  
“I’m sor-”    
  
“Shh, I’m not done yet. Plus it isn’t your fault, so don’t feel bad. A few nights ago, we had a big argument, and things haven’t been the same between us since. I’m trying to fix it, but I don’t know how. He’s difficult to figure out. I can’t think of how to fix this. I just, I wish we could be as close as we once were, y’know?”   
  
“Yeah, I know…” Lukas whispered. He cleared his throat. “Well, if he’s anything like my brother was, it’s likely that he’s not mad at you. He’s mad at the person taking all of your time and attention. That person being me, in this case. He doesn’t blame you, but he’s frustrated with me and can’t tell you that so he’s taking it out on you. So, don’t worry too much about this, because it’s not your fault.

“Maybe just sit down with him and plan some things for you both to do together? Let him know ahead of time when you will be out later. It helps. It really helps.” Lukas suggested.    
  
“That does make a lot of sense… but it isn’t right for him to blame you for something you have no control over.” Lukas just shrugged at this. He couldn’t change a stubborn person, so he wasn’t going to try.    
  
“Just let him know that I’m sorry. I never meant to cause a rift between you two…” Mathias hummed at this statement. Nothing else was said until they got to Lukas’s house. He sent a puzzled look at Mathias.    
  
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, since we left your car on campus. I gotta get going though. I’ll talk to you later?” Mathias asked.    
  
“Yeah, see you later…” Lukas said, getting out of the car. He held his things with one arm, waving goodbye with the other. He watched Mathias as he drove away, trailing the car as it got farther and farther away, until it wasn’t able to be seen anymore. Then, he went inside.

Plopping down on his couch, he sighed. He had assignments to do, but no energy to do them. It was going to stress him out later, but he didn’t care at the moment. He couldn’t shake the anxious feeling that had followed him around all week. It was bothersome. 

Knowing of only one thing to do, he walked to his room. He rummaged around in his closet until he found what he was looking for. His violin. 

He’d had it for years now, ever since he was sixteen. Life was hard for him back then, and he had no one to talk to about it. Internalizing it became too much, so on an impulse, he went out with all the pocket money he had and bought a violin. He didn’t think about what he’d done until he got home and his parents asked about it, but by then it was too late.    
  
He taught himself to play in secret, never letting another soul hear his music. Though, he had a sneaking suspicion a certain sibling would stand outside the door of his practice room and listen, but he could never catch Emil in the act. Learning to play was a slow, hard process, but eventually the instrument became like an extension of a limb to him. He could play nearly anything on it.    
  
The only times he ever played now, though, were when he was feeling an emotion extremely strongly. Especially fear, sadness, and anger. 

Taking the sleek instrument out of its case, he sat with it in his lap for a few minutes, running a finger along the surface. It was soothing. But not soothing enough. He took the bow, and his violin, and stood with them. Propping the instrument in the proper position, he took a deep breath before he slid the bow carefully along the strings. 

He didn’t have a particular song he was playing, he just let his emotions guide him. It started out slow and hesitant, but gradually got faster, louder, nearly out of control. This was the downside of playing violin - Lukas had no control over his emotions, and it truly showed in his music. 

He had been playing so loud, so fast, and so aggressively for so long now that he had lost track of time and his surroundings. It wasn’t until a string snapped in his face did he realize how long he’s been playing.    
  
He blinked. Pulling the instrument away from himself, he saw that there were little water droplets on it. He wasn’t aware he’d been crying. He twisted his hand to get a better grip around the neck of the violin to put it away, but ended up hissing in pain and nearly dropping it. He put it away as quickly as he could without damaging it. He then went to turn on the light. He looked at his fingertips. They were slightly bloody. He took a deep breath, hurrying to the bathroom to clean them. 

When that was done, he came back to his room. He was tired, so he did his nightly routine. Slipping into bed, though, he found himself wide awake. The sky was bright, and it kept him up, along with countless thoughts swirling around in his head. 

A lot of his thoughts were about his brother, and how much he missed him. Em’s coldness from earlier still rang in his mind, and it made him paranoid that if he did see his Emil again, would Emil regard him the same way? Coldly, like he wishes Lukas wasn’t there? The thought made Lukas shiver. He didn’t know if he could handle that.

He tried to close his eyes, willing his thoughts to stop so he could sleep, but it did not work. That was frustrating. Sighing, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and wandered into the kitchen to find a pen and some paper. He sat down at the counter, uncapping the pen, and setting to work. 

_ Dear Emil, _

_ Hey, buddy. It’s your brother, Lukas. I don’t know if you remember me, it’s been quite a while since I last saw you. You were a mere ten years old. Only ten… and your entire life had changed. I’m so sorry for that.  _

_ I understand if you’re mad at me for not staying with you. But know that I tried my damndest to keep you with me, to be allowed to look after you. They wouldn’t listen to me then. I was a scared, confused, hysterical just-barely-18 year old, why would I be allowed to take care of a child? I wasn’t fit to. Maybe it was better that way. I couldn’t afford food for myself some weeks, and just barely managed to pay all the bills so I wouldn’t be without heat and electricity.  _

_ I hope that where you are now, you’re happy, and you’re doing well. I’m doing better than I was. Those years after mom and dad passed were tough, and it was very lonely. I missed you like hell. I still do. I have come to terms with the fact that I’ll likely never see you again, though.  _

_ I hope for your sake that you’ve forgotten all about me, and mom and dad and our house and everything. It’d make it much easier for you to not have to live with the pain of knowing everything was ripped away from you in an instant. But if you haven’t forgotten, I at least hope you’ve come to peace with everything, and that it doesn’t hurt you. I’d never want for anything to hurt you.  _

_ It was kind of foolish for me to write this letter. It isn’t like you’d see it, anyways. But pain and loneliness can make a man do strange things, I guess. If I ever see you again, I’ll deliver this to you. In person. So if you’re reading this, then you’ve found me. Or I’ve found you. Either way, we found each other, and maybe we can catch up sometime if you’d like.  _

_ It’s around 2 in the morning, by now. I have university in a few hours, so I have to try to sleep now. I love you. Stay safe, please, and know that I’m rooting for you, no matter how far away I am.  _

_ Love,  _

_ Your big brother, Lukas Bondevik _

After writing this letter, Lukas passed out where he was sitting. 

He awoke the next morning to loud banging on his door. Mathias was here. He quickly straightened up and got ready for the day. The banging continued.    
  
“Coming!” Lukas hollered. He opened the door, grabbing his keys. With one last look towards the counter where the letter sat, Lukas rushed into the chilly autumn morning, ready to get classes over with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei! Another chapter up, woo-hoo! I know nothing about violins or violin playing at all, so feel free to correct me if something is incorrect. Thank you to all of you who have read this, left kudos, and left nice comments on our fic! It means a lot to the both of us. 
> 
> Feel free to message us at norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr!


	8. And I promise, I'll do better

The next few days after Friday were noticeably tense. Emil spent big parts of his weekend in his room, watching series on his computer and playing video games. He only ever talked to Matthias during meals, and even then it was limited to short instructions like “pass the potatoes” or “careful, it’s hot”. Never had they said so little to each other.

* * *

 

When the school week finally started again, Leon still wasn’t back, something which made Emil slightly worried. He couldn’t possibly have hurt him for real? He had heard that sometimes, people don’t realize they’re actually hurt before hours after an injury had been acquired. He would have told him, wouldn’t he? Realization dawned on Emil when he remembered that even though the boy had been all over him, they had never really exchanged numbers.

He thought to himself that even though the boy would talk his ears off at times, he was actually good company. The classroom felt even more unbearable without his friend there. It felt lonely just sitting alone by his desk at the front of the classroom. The guys in the back of the classroom seemed louder than usual, and every whispered word felt like it was making fun of him.

He felt mentally exhausted by the time lunch rolled around. Sitting himself down by a table in the canteen, he prepared himself for a lunch alone. He was just started on a dry slice of bread with white cheese and butter when a plate was gracefully slid onto the table, and the sound of a chair being pulled out drew his attention away from his food.

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind me sitting down here, you looked a bit lonely.”

Alfred was wearing a brown jacket with a white t-shirt underneath, proudly displaying an american flag. His plate was far more interesting than Emil’s own lunchbox, being loaded with komle, still hot from the school kitchens. Emil was a bit surprised that the American had actually chosen to buy the stuff, as it didn’t exactly look very good, but he supposed that some people wanted to try everything when visiting a place with a different culture.  
Emil opened his mouth to ask about it, but realized that the American was already speaking at 100 km/h, not noticing that Emil wasn’t following. _It’s like he doesn’t even expect me to._ Picking up another slice of bread, quietly munching on it as his new friend (or was he more like an acquaintance? ) picked up his fork to take a bite from his food.

It was out of his mouth less than two seconds after it had gotten in. The surprised yell he gave was enough to make the rest of the kids in the canteen turn towards them with curious eyes. Alfred was still spitting and chugging down iced tea as Emil uncertainty patted him on the back, warily eyeing the others. They turned back to their own food soon enough.

“What is this stuff?” Alfred managed to get out, voice betrayed.

Emil shrugged. “Mostly potatoes I think? I’ve never seen them be made though, but I was surprised this was the first thing you went with.”

“If I knew I wouldn’t have. I just ordered the dish of the day since the cashier said it was good.” His Norwegian were starting to slip, and he was adding English words in where he couldn’t come up with the Norwegian equivalent. He was staring dejectedly down on his plate, as if lamenting his bad choice.

Sighing, Emil shoved his lunchbox towards the guy, pulling the plate to himself. “You can have my food instead. It’s not very fancy, but I don’t think you’ll dislike it.”

Alfred’s eyes lit up with his usual excitement, snatching up a slightly floppy slice of bread. “Really! Thanks dude, you’re a lifesaver.”

The lunch continued with Alfred telling Emil about his hometown and occasionally asking about Norway, and when Emil told him about his ancestry, Iceland. It didn’t take long before the two of them fell into familiar rhythm, and Emil found that when the American decided it was time to head off to his classes, he didn’t mind at all when the other shouted a joyous “See you later!” over his shoulder.

* * *

That had been two days ago now, and Emil realized that he actually looked forward to go to school (even if it was gym day), something that hadn’t been a thing for several years. _The mood at home hasn’t been this bad in years either, though_ , he thought bitterly to himself.

He had been avoiding staying at home since the school week started, heading over to Feliks and Toris after school to train with Gígja. If the two of them had noticed anything weird about his frequent visits, they didn’t say anything about it. However, maybe it simply was a matter of them expecting him to put down some work before the competition.

“She’s living up to her name,” Toris had commented one day.

“Agile and lively like a fiddle.” If Emil’s thoughts slipped to the slow, uneven sounds of a certain inexperienced violin player, he didn’t admit it.

It was barely 8:05 am when he walked into the classroom, having taken his bike to school to avoid catching a ride from Matthias. It was mostly empty except for the seat beside his. A seat that hadn’t been filled in a long time. Emil could feel his stomach drop, wanting to get out of the situation. Was he supposed to apologize? Leon had assured him that his nose wasn’t broken, but what if he was lying? Would a broken nose be enough to keep him away from school that long?

He almost turned and walked out of the classroom again, but before he could, Leon was calling his name. Slowly, he turned around, prepared for a scolding, which he probably deserved if he had actually broken the nose of one of his only friends.

Leon fortunately did not seem to be very angry. He smiled like he usually did whenever they talked together, and his nose didn’t seem to be in a bad shape either. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Emil went to sit down at his place by the window. When he got closer he could clearly see dark bags underneath the other boy’s eyes, and he seemed slightly paler than he had earlier. His hair was pulled back into a small ponytail at the base of his neck, making his face look even thinner than usual. Still, he managed to smile enthusiastically, and it didn’t take long before he was chatting amiably with Emil.

His voice was a bit raspy, as if he had been screaming a lot. This couldn’t possibly have anything to do with last week, could it? He waited until Leon had finished talking about something his older cousin did last week.

“You wouldn’t mind me asking you a question, would you?”

“I don’t mind, go ahead,” Leon shrugged, playing with a piece of chalk he had picked up from the teacher’s desk. It was leaving a trail of purple chalk dust on his fingers, making him seem even more sickly.

“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but why were you gone for so long? I know you said that I didn’t injury you last week, but if I did I’m sorry, and I’d rather you actually yell at me for doing it than pretending it didn’t happen, cause I feel really bad about it, and-”

He was interrupted by Leon bursting out in laughter. Emil cast a worried glance around, ensuring that they still were the only two people in the classroom. Feeling slightly worried that Leon might be laughing because Emil had made some sort of mistake, he hugged himself, burying down into his woolen sweater. (His mother knit it for him when she was still alive. It was a traditional lopapeysa that five years ago, had been several sizes too big.)

By the time Leon started to get a hold of himself again, he had hints of tears in his eyes. He was still laughing, but started to cough violently into the sleeve of his hoodie, making his tears spill onto his cheeks.

“That’s what you were worried about all along? Dude, I thought you were being quieter than usual, but I didn’t think this was why.” He sat up straight again, brushing away the wet trails from his face.

“You still didn’t answer me though?” Emil mumbled, finding a spot on the floor to stare at.

Leon leaned back in his chair, still wheezing a little to catch enough air.

“It has nothing to do with you punching me in the face. My stupid cousin dared me to go bathing with her because she thinks I’m a wimp, so I actually went with her to a lake. It was freezing in the water, but we swam anyway, so that's how I caught a cold.”

He bent down to find a box of lozenges in his coat pocket, offering one to Emil. It was honey flavoured.

“I wasn’t really that sick, but my older brother kinda freaked and tried to fix it by giving me some of his chinese herb medicine. I was coughing up gunk for days afterwards and my stomach hurt like hell, so my other brother had to take me to the doctor to get some real help, and not the dubious stuff Yao is making. It’d probably work better if he knew what he was doing.”

“How many brother’s do you have?” Emil muttered, not really meaning to pose a question.

“Four brothers, one sister and a lot of cousins. My family is rather big.”

People were starting to enter the classroom now, chatting loudly. Several of the other kids were already dressed in their brightly colored gym t-shirts and some were even playing around with balls or other sports gear. Emil looked down on himself, not quite feeling like removing his comfortable wool sweater yet. Leon on the other hand jumped out of his chair, ready to go as soon as the teacher had made a head count. He could feel the nervousness creep back into him as the thought of failing at sports found its way into his head, but was interrupted from overthinking when Leon slung an arm around his shoulder, dragging him into the circle where his classmates had gathered, almost as if he knew that the gesture made Emil feel safe.

* * *

If there was anything Emil hated more than having to play team sports with his crazy-athletic class, it was playing team sports with the whole school. For a high school, they were rather few, so it wasn’t really a problem gathering the few hundred students in the schoolyard and sending them to the many stations.

It was sunny outside, and the August weather was still relatively hot, the last remnants of summer clinging to their last breath. A weak breeze was doing its best to rustle people’s hair and running off with loose papers. The chatter was almost unbearingly loud, but somehow, it didn’t feel as bad as it usually did whenever Emil was forced to attend to events like this. He thought back to a similar situation when he was on a summer camp with his brother. He had been clinging to his hand, not daring to let go, even if he was a counselor and he had responsibilities with the other kids. This time his hand was clutched in Leon’s, a measure to ensure they didn’t lose each other in the masses of people.

He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest when they ended up in the same group. As he walked towards the station where they would be starting, he felt a gaze linger on his back, briefly catching the eye of one of his favourite teachers, miss Héderváry, as she watched the students from her place by the front doors. It was short, but it was enough to make him understand that him and Leon being on the same group wasn’t a coincidence, and he sent a silent thank you to the young woman as she turned and walked into the school building again, probably to get ready to head over to the swimming hall.

Their first station was, to Emil’s relief, football. He had been playing a lot when he was younger, both with his brother, but also on a local team. That had come to an abrupt end when his parents died, and although Matthias would sometimes play with him, he never joined a team again. Still, he wasn’t bad at the sport at all, and hopefully he’d be able to make a good addition to his team. They had just gotten gathered around the teacher leading the activity when someone shouted his name.

The whole group turned to see Alfred sprinting towards them, enthusiastically waving. A few of the second years seemed to recognise him, and looked around to find out he he was calling for. The teacher confusedly looked through his list again, and had to listen to Alfred rapidly explaining how he wasn’t in the school system yet, but he had been assigned there by a different teacher. Shrugging, the teacher gave him a yellow vest, telling him to join the yellow team.

The American jogged over to where Leon and Emil were doing warm ups, wearing his trademark grin, the one that said he was ready to win. It seemed to take him a few seconds to register that Leon was also there, as he fell in step with the two while they did their exercises. He stared confusedly at the boy until Leon himself was staring back, confusement showing in his hazel eyes.

“Can I help you?” Leon asked, his voice slightly annoyed. Alfred continued squinting at the boy, seemingly oblivious to Leon’s tone.

“I don’t think we’ve met before? I can’t remember seeing Emil with anyone else.”

“Well, I’m his best friend, so you’ll probably be seeing me around then,” Leon retorted. Emil glanced nervously between the two. He hadn’t had anyone particularly close to him since he moved to live with the Køhler’s, and although he hadn’t known the two boys for more than two weeks, they already felt more like friends than anyone else ever had. Except for maybe Matthias, and his older brother. In other words, he didn’t know if he could stand them disliking each other.

He didn’t have to worry for long though, as Alfred’s face lit up in a smile once again.

“Wow bro, why didn’t you just say so? I’m happy that Emil have some other friends, he seemed a bit lonely.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. I was a bit worried about him honestly, I mean, I didn’t want him to feel alone when I was at home puking my guts out because of my dumbass brother.”

Emil could feel his cheeks heating up, inwardly cursing his pale complexion. It didn’t take long before his two friends began taking a liking to each other, excitedly talking about video games and the newest movies. However, the theme of the conversation always seemed to revert back to him if it strayed too far, and he wasn’t quite sure, but judging by the way they spoke to each other, it was as if there was an underlying message. If the other hurt him, there’d be hell to pay.

The teacher blew the whistle, assembling the group to start the match. Emil could feel the excitement boiling in his veins as they walked onto the field, Alfred loudly complaining about how this was not football. His shouts were soon drowned by the sound of competitive teenagers.

Emil was quick to get the ball, kicking it past a player from the other team. After a long series of passes, he ended up being the first person to score. It became evident soon that his team was way stronger than the other, and when the match was done, they were leading 18-6.

He was smiling properly for the first time in days as his teammates erupted into cheers, hugging each other with glee, despite it being only a minor school match. Emil was content with staying on the sidelines, watching the others celebrate, but was pulled into it by Alfred and Leon, who were shouting just as loud as the rest. It ended up with the teacher having to blow his whistle several times before they calmed down.

The rest of the day went by fast without anything noticeable happening. The trio found out that none of them were particularly good at golf, and that aerobic made them all feel rather stupid. A few of the girls shot them annoyed glances when they didn’t take the lesson seriously.

They got joined by some of Alfred’s second year friends at lunch, who, although they didn’t speak much with Emil, were nice to be around. It felt like the day lasted an eternity, and when it finally was time to go home, a sense of dread was starting to take over Emil. He didn’t feel like going home to the apartment yet, and Gígja was being used for some arrangement Feliks had been planning that day, so he couldn’t go there either.

He rode his bike back home as slowly as he could, not wanting to spend more time in the empty apartment than necessary. The door was unlocked when Emil came back, which was odd, since Matthias rarely came home before him, even when he went to visit Gígja, something he hadn’t done that day. He quickly went through Matthias’ schedule in his head, trying to figure out if there was any possibility of him being home. If he was right, Matthias would be in classes until at least 4pm, so maybe he had just forgotten to unlock the door?

The apartment was mostly silent as he walked into the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the fridge. It was getting low on several products, but he didn’t feel like asking Matthias to go shopping for anything. A little voice inside him told him that it was ridiculous of them to keep doing this, but he still felt slightly hurt from Matthias spending so much time away.

Maybe he could ask his parents to move back in with them. If he wasn’t going to see Matthias that often anymore it wouldn’t matter, and it would be closer to school. Grimacing, he realized that’d mean a lot of alone time too, as his parents were very busy with their jobs. That was one of the reasons they had taken him in in the first place. To give Matthias someone he could depend on when they weren’t there for him.

He was on his way to his room when the door to Matthias’ room opened up, hitting him in the face. His hand flew to his hurt nose, angrily cursing, not caring whether his brother heard it or not. What was he doing at home at this time anyway? He was ready to start yelling, but instead of Matthias’ tall figure, he was met by the frightened eyes of a very surprised Tino Väinämöinen. Realizing that Emil was clutching his face from being hit, the short man dropped everything he was carrying in his hands, hurrying over to check if Emil was okay. He tried his best to ensure his brother's friend that he was indeed okay and that he would be fine.

Not buying it 100%, but backing off nonetheless, Tino hurried to assemble what he had been carrying earlier: a fresh set of clothes. Finding a visit from Tino to be a nice surprise, Emil still wondered why the man was currently running off with his brother’s clothes. He let the other gather up the garments before he started talking.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything, but why are you here?”

The Finn walked into the kitchen, urging Emil to follow. He didn’t answer immediately, taking his time to rummage in their fridge, muttering on how badly stocked it was, before pulling out some bread and cheese. He swiftly started to cut the bread into slices.

“I’m just here to pick up some food and clothes for Matthias. Something about coffee spills and not having time to buy lunch as a result. Since his still in classes, I offered to go for him.”

“Oh, so you’re not here to steal clothes then.”

Tino laughed, apparently finding Emil’s joke funny. He gathered up the slices of bread and cheese into a plastic box and proceeded to fill up an empty plastic bottle with water.

“I was kinda hoping I’d run into you, eh, not literally though.” There was a brief pause before Tino nodded towards the sofa. Emil felt his stomach drop as he could see where this was leading, but let the other take him to sit down.

“Okay, before you assume anything. Matthias didn’t send me here to talk to you, but I felt like something needed to be done, ‘cause he’s obviously been down for the past few days, and no one likes to see him like this. Honestly, I was assuming that you weren’t doing too well yourself, judging by how close you two have been ever since you came around.”

Emil just nodded, focusing on a small green pot plant Matthias bought once. It was the only plant they had, but it was a nice change in the otherwise grey scenery of their home.

“I guess I just wanted to say. There’s no way Matthias would intentionally hurt you. You mean the world to him, and I don’t think anything can change that. Please at least see if you can try to forgive him? I don’t know everything that transpired between the two of you, but I know that he genuinely cares for you, and would anything to fix whatever happened. He wants to be there for you, you know? I mean, that’s what brothers are for, right?” Tino gave a nervous laugh, rising up from the sofa. He slung the little bag with things over his shoulders, giving Emil one last smile.

“I really wish I had a brother like that, or one at all. You’re really lucky Emil.”

It suddenly felt like he was the bad guy in the story.

* * *

After Tino left, he could barely sit still. He tried to get some homework done, but his thoughts would just stray to Matthias. Had he hurt him more than he initially thought? Was he too caught up in feeling sorry for himself that he didn’t see what his brother had been feeling? He felt horrible, and wanted to fix it as soon as possible. Waiting around for Matthias to come home was like torture.

When the sound of the door swinging open finally came, he was half asleep over a math problem. However, he was quick wake again, tumbling out of his chair, eager to make things good again.

Matthias looked tired when he entered their living room. His hair was even more messy than usual, and his eyes lacked their usual energy. There was a slight drag to his step as he made his way towards the sofa, where he collapsed face-first. The sound of Emil’s feet still got his attention the moment the younger boy entered the same room.

He sat up, opening his mouth as if to say something, but there was no sound coming from him. They just stared at each other, as if they hadn’t seen each other clearly for years. Matthias shook his head, dragging a hand through the mess on his head. He coughed awkwardly, wordlessly begging Emil to sit down with him.

“So Em,” he started, not quite able to look him in the eye.

“I’ve been thinking. No, listen to me before you say anything. I’ve been thinking, it’s been a long time since we did something together, just the two of us-”

“I’m sorry.”

Matthias blinked, confused by the apology. He chuckled nervously, something very uncharacteristic for him. It felt wrong to hear him unsure about anything. Emil stood up from the chair he had been sitting in and walked over to where Matthias was sitting, plumping down beside him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get mad at you for spending less time with me. I know you have other obligations than me, and I overreacted. It’s just, things have been a bit stressing, and I took it out on you, which was never the right thing to do, so.” Emil breathed out shakily, letting the last bit of pride slip away.

“I hope you forgive me.”

Matthias didn’t respond. Not looking up, from the fear of what he would find, Emil kept staring at the floor. While an answer didn’t come, he could hear something that sounded suspiciously like sniffling. Glancing to his right, he could see wet spots on the older man’s pants. When Emil finally dared to meet the eyes of his sibling, the other was full out bawling, tears streaming down his face. He tried to dried them in an unsuccessful attempt, only making his eyes redder.

Uncomfortable with seeing his older brother cry, Emil wrapped his arms around the other in an attempt to make him stop. It had the opposite effect, and soon, he was crushing Emil to his chest, making it near impossible for the younger one to breathe. Emil let him.

After a few minutes, Matthias seemed to have calmed down enough to talk again. He was still crying, but the tears seemed to be at least under some control now.

“I’m a bad brother too, for not being there for you,” he finally managed, carding his fingers through Emil’s hair. Emil wanted to protest, but didn’t feel like he had the energy to.

“I know I should have told you earlier when I would be home, and I shouldn’t have gotten drunk that night. I promise I’ll try harder to see when you’re down. You know you can come to me with anything, right? Just, please bear with me when I make mistakes.” He chuckled bitterly. “I’m not perfect, you know.”

“I know. And I’ll try harder to not get mad from now on. I was being dumb, and it is just as much my job to see when you are down, I mean, that’s what brothers are for, right?”

Matthias almost started crying again, but caught himself in it, and stood up instead. He hurried over to the hallway to get his backpack, and sat himself down next to Emil, his computer now in his lap.

“We’re going somewhere this weekend, just the two of us. It can be anywhere, as long as it doesn’t cost too much.”

Emil was going to protest, to insist that they were fine with staying at home, but Matthias wouldn’t hear it. They ended up sitting up until they fell asleep on each other, plans forgotten for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for real this time, this will be my last chapter in a week. (I'm going on a school trip, yay~), but yet again, you have the amazing flightlesscrow to provide you with a chapter, so it's not that bad. 
> 
> Title from the song "light" by sleeping at last. It is a really pretty song, you should all go listen to it
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you have any questions or just feel like talking to us, you can find us as norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr :)


	9. Now There's an Endless Road to Rediscover

Lukas had seen Mathias last Friday at university, but hadn’t heard from him since. He was confused about the absence of his friend. He thought they’d gotten past this avoidance thing. What’d he done this time?  _ Maybe it’s not your fault this time? No, it must be, _ he thought. He had considered texting Mathias, but decided against it in fear of a bad reaction. He was losing sleep over this issue, too, so when he came into class Monday morning with bags under his eyes and a pissed off expression, people stayed further away from him than they usually did. 

He had dozed off several times during the three-hour-long class. It resulted in him accidentally letting his head slip from his hand, ending with him hitting his head on the desk. That got him an entire class of people staring at him, as well as a headache, which bothered him immensely.  _ This isn’t my week, apparently. _

The sky had been dark and grey when he walked into class, but walking out of it, he saw that it was now bright and blue outside. Squinting against the harsh light, he saw someone who looked familiar only a few feet away. Tino. Perfect. Tino would know what’s up with Mathias. Maybe if he got some closure from Tino, he could sleep again. His decision was made for him, and he jogged towards the short blond.    
  
“Tino! Hi, it’s me, Lukas, from the party? Can I ask you a question?” Lukas asked, tapping Tino on the shoulder to get his attention when he had caught up with him.    
  
“Oh, hi Lukas! What’s up?” Tino said, turning towards Lukas. He smiled at him. 

“Um, what’s up with Mathias? Have you heard from him lately?” Lukas shifted his weight from side to side, looking down at the things he was holding.

“I last heard from him Friday night. He was packing for a trip with his brother. It was just the two of them, a bonding experience, I think. He left his phone at home so he could focus on Emil.” Lukas felt a pain shoot through him at the mention of that name. “Did he not tell you?”    


“No, he didn’t…” Lukas muttered under his breath. Why didn’t Mathias at least mention it to him? Was he really that unimportant to him? “Thanks though, for telling me.”   
  
“No problem. He should be getting back tonight, so he’ll probably be in class tomorrow. Speaking of class, I gotta get to my next one. See ya, Lukas!” Tino said cheerfully, walking quickly away from Lukas to get to his class on time.    
  
“Yeah, see ya.” Lukas whispered. He only had one more class today, and it was another three hours long. He sighed, slowly making his way to class.    
  
All through the class, he couldn’t focus on the lecture. He doodled on his notes. He was never the best artist, but doodling gave him something to do. His mind strayed to when he and his brother would draw together. They often drew Emil’s favorite cartoon characters, or an animal (often times a horse). Emil often gushed over Lukas’s drawings, claiming that his big brother was “the best drawer in the whole wide world!” Lukas would thank him, but he was still never confident in his skills. Still, he did enjoy doodling when he had nothing better to do.    
  
While he doodled, his mind also strayed to thoughts of Mathias. 

_ Does he even consider me his friend? I thought we had gotten over this… maybe I’m not that important to him. But he did used to text me a lot. Why would he tell Tino, and not me? Did he tell Berwald, too? Probably. Why not me, though? _ One half of him thought bitterly.

**_He’s known those two way longer than you. You’re just the new student he has to show around. Are you honestly surprised he didn’t tell you? He’s showed you around enough now that you wouldn’t be helpless without him here, anyways. There’s no real reason for him to stick with you._ ** The other half whispered. Lukas squeezed his eyes shut, dropping his pen on the table. He wanted his mind to be quiet.    
  
_ But he does stick with me. He talks to me, he asks me about my day and my interests, and he seems to genuinely enjoy being around me. I just don’t understand why he didn’t tell me about his trip.  _

**_Maybe it’s all a show. A joke. Maybe this isn’t real._ ** __   
__   
_ No, it is. I’m sure of it.  _ __   
**_  
_ ** **_But are you really?_ **

Lukas let out a low groan and put his head in his hands. He heard the student next to him laugh and whisper something about him to the student beside them, but he was too tired to care.    
  
He sat like that the rest of the class, shooting out of his seat with his things faster than he ever had before. He wanted to relax. He swiftly walked to his car, throwing his things in the passenger seat and slamming the door. He ignored the looks of others in the lot as he walked around to the driver’s side.    
  
Sliding into the seat, he put his hands on the wheel, leaning forward to rest his forehead against them. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out, he noticed he had a text from Mathias. 

**From: Mathias** ****  
**Hey Lukey!! I’m so sorry I didn’t text u at all this weekend, I was on a trip with Em!!! I forgot to tell u about it, sry, I was just rlly excited and forgot to text u! I hope u did alright tho!**   
  
_ He does care…  _ Lukas thought, smiling at his screen slightly. He felt better than he had earlier. His insecurities remained where they were, but they were pushed to the back of his mind at this sign of acknowledgement. 

**To: Mathias** **  
** **I did fine. How was your trip? Did you two have fun?**

**From: Mathias** ****  
**Yeah it was a blast! Emil made me ride all the crazy rollercoasters, and we played bumper cars about eight times. We went two days so we could go on all the rides. It was insane!! So many of them. I think Em had fun, which is good. I think we got closer too which was the goal tbh,** ****  
****  
**To: Mathias** ****  
**That’s good. I’m glad you two had fun together. It must have been nice, I’m glad things are okay between you two now.** ****  
****  
**From: Mathias** ****  
**Yep! Oh, btw, me Tino and Ber are having a get together at my place, wanna come? I’ll pick you up. Don’t worry about my brother, he’ll be going to a friend’s house he said.** ****  
****  
Lukas thought for a bit. He hadn’t hung out with anyone in a long, long time, but this also made him a bit hesitant to do so. What if he said something odd? He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He was going; no turning back.    
  
**To: Mathias** ****  
**Yeah. I’ll be home in about thirty minutes, you can pick me up any time after that. Just text me before you come over.** ****  
****  
**From: Mathias** ****  
**Okay! See ya, LuLu!!** ****  
****  
Lukas sighed, but smiled afterwards. He put his phone in the cup holder in the console, and turned on his car. He pulled out of his parking space. He drove as carefully as he could, and made it home right around the time that he told Mathias he’d be home at. He saw he had a notification on his phone, so he checked it when he went inside and put his things away.    
  
**From: Mathias** **  
** **I’m on my way!!!**

Lukas decided not to respond, since that’d distract Mathias and he couldn’t bear to do that. He had sat down at the kitchen counter, where he saw his note that he’d written the other day. He held it in his hands, reading over the words over and over. He folded and unfolded it countless times, simply for something to do. 

He heard knocking at his door, and without thinking, slipped the folded letter into his pocket. He grabbed his keys so he could lock the house up, and answered the door. He came face-to-face with a freckled, smiling Dane. Lukas allowed a small smile to play on his features as well.    
  
“Ya ready? Oh, this is gonna be so fun!” Mathias said excitedly, hugging Lukas tight before letting go soon after. Lukas stumbled after being let go so abruptly.    
  
“Yeah, yeah. Let me lock up the house…” He was already doing just that, though, as he spoke. The two then walked to Mathias’s car, Lukas getting in on the passenger side. The radio was playing something soft and sweet. It was rather nice. Mathias slipped into the passenger seat, buckling his seat belt before driving out of Lukas’s driveway and towards his own home.    
  
The ride was filled with small talk, but it was a comfortable kind of talk rather than one that’d make Lukas uncomfortable. Before he knew it, they were at Mathias’s house. Well, Lukas supposed that “apartment” would be a better word.    
  
“Um, which one is yours?” Lukas asked, looking at the many doors. All had a different number on them.    
  
“Number 33. C’mon, Lukey, let’s go party!” Mathias said, switching off his car and hurriedly climbing out of it.    
  
“I’m not Barbie…” Lukas mumbled, but he too got out of the car after Mathias. He followed him to his apartment, noting the long stairway that led to it. He’d hate to have to climb that every day just to get into his house.    
  
Eventually, after what seemed like an hour of walking (but was in reality maybe five minutes), they came upon Mathias’s door. Mathias opened the door, allowing Lukas to walk in first.    
  
The first thing he noticed was how bare the walls were. He found it hard to believe someone as expressive and lively as Mathias lived here. Were they in the right apartment? 

Then he noticed loose papers and items strewn throughout the rooms, and an untidy shoe rack by the door. A small plant sat on the windowsill. He also saw some small paintings and pictures hung on the walls. He heard chatter from the other room, and moved towards it. This closer look at the apartment was much more suited to Mathias in his opinion. 

“Hi, Lukas!” Tino said, waving to him from the couch when Lukas entered the room. Berwald waved as well.    
  
“Hi, guys.” Lukas was going to say more, but was interrupted by Mathias.    
  
“Does anyone want any drinks?!” He hollered from the kitchen.    
  
“No, we’re good!” Tino hollered back.    
  
Mathias strolled into the room with an uncapped beer bottle in hand, taking a seat in a chair situated across the couch. He took a swig from the bottle.    
  
“Lukas, you can sit down, y’know.” Mathias said, eyeing the way Lukas was standing at the outskirts of the room. He was rather stiff.    
  
“Oh, um…” He looked around the room. There wasn’t another empty seat. The couch was simply a loveseat; and Berwald and Tino were both sitting there, while Mathias had the only chair in the room. “There’s no more seats left.”   
  
“You could sit on my lap,” Mathias suggested, winking at Lukas, who turned as red as the main color of his country’s flag.    
  
“No, I think I’m alright…” Lukas mumbled.    
  
“You could always grab a chair from the kitchen,” Tino added.    
  
Lukas looked to Mathias to make sure this was alright. Mathias looked a little hurt, but otherwise nodded. Lukas bit his lip. He looked between the doorway and Mathias, but ultimately ended up walking towards the Dane.    
  
“If you try anything, I will end you.” Lukas whispered to Mathias, who simply laughed as he set his beer on the side table. He ended up pulling Lukas onto his lap, making the younger man squeak in protest, which was humiliating in his opinion.    
  
“Aw, don’t worry LuLu, I won’t do nothin’ to ya!” Mathias said in a sing-song type voice. Lukas looked skeptical, but relaxed more against Mathias, finding that he didn’t really mind this so much. It was sort of nice to be so close to another person. He was reminded of the other night, and if another blush dusted across his cheeks, well, neither person across from him mentioned it. 

“So,” Berwald said quietly, trying to start up a conversation in the rather quiet apartment.    
  
“Oh, did I tell you two about my trip?” Mathias asked Berwald and Tino. The duo shook their heads to say that no, he had not, and so he launched into a massive retelling of he and Emil’s trip.    
  
“So, we went to an amusement park. It was Tusenfryd, so we had to drive for a little while, but it was worth it. We both had an awesome time, and I think we got closer. Emil made me go on all the rollercoasters, and we did the bumper cars about eight times. The water rides were really cool too, but we got super soaked. There were too many rides for just one day, so we stayed overnight in a hotel and went to park again the next day to ride as many of the remaining rides as we could.

“We didn’t get to all of them, but we got to most of them, so that was really cool. Emil really liked the Speed Monster a lot. I liked the Spin Spider best, though. It was fun; we should all go one day!” Mathias said. Lukas noticed that he liked to play with something while he talked. His arms had somehow snaked their way around Lukas, and Mathias was playing with the sleeves of Lukas’s sweater. Tino smiled.    
  
“That sounds awesome! It would be fun to go, wouldn’t it, Ber?” Tino said, looking up at Berwald.    
  
“Yeah, it would.” Berwald nodded. Tino turned to Lukas.    
  
“So, what’d you do this weekend, Lukas?”    
  
He was surprised they asked him, but answered as honestly as he could without telling them he was busy freaking out about Mathias’s sudden absence. “Um, I did some grocery shopping, worked on a few essays, and watched some movies. I didn’t do anything exciting.” Lukas responded meekly.    
  
“That’s better than nothing, though! At least you were productive.” Tino smiled. “Me and Berwald babysat for a friend all weekend, so we had our hands full. Peter’s a little rascal, isn’t he?” He laughed gleefully.    
  
“That he is. With how often you two look after him, I’m surprised you haven’t just adopted him as your own.” Mathias chuckled at the pair. Lukas thought he saw a faint blush on Berwald’s cheeks, but he couldn’t tell since the lighting was dim. Tino nodded, though.    
  
“Who’s Peter?” Lukas asked, looking at Tino.    
  
“He’s the son of a friend of mine. Arthur’s son. He’s young, and a handful, but he’s adored by all of us. Even Emil plays with him. It’s hard to get Emil to play with anyone.” Tino said thoughtfully. He grabbed Berwald’s hand.    
  
“Oh.” Lukas said awkwardly. He had no idea what else to say, and desperately hoped someone would keep up the conversation. Luckily for him, Mathias had begun to speak again.    
  
“Is anyone else pissed off that Pluto’s no longer a planet? I’m still pissed about this.” He huffed. Lukas watched as Tino and Berwald got riled up as well about this, and soon the conversation tool a long turn down the astrology road. Lukas, not knowing much about space, decided not to participate in the conversation, but rather listen in instead. He shifted his position on Mathias’s lap so he was sitting sideways rather than forwards, and swung his legs over the arm of the chair. This caused Mathias to let go of Lukas, but as soon as he was situated again, he found the Dane’s arms wrapped around his middle once more.    
  
He listened as all three of them talked about the planets, debating on which one was the Best Planet in the entire solar system. Lukas was surprised no one said earth, since that’s their own planet, but he guessed that other planets are more interesting to learn about than earth since humans aren’t on other planets.    
  
Lukas leaned against Mathias, resting his head on the taller man’s chest. He listened as the debaters defended their favorite planets. Tino liked Saturn because of it’s rings. Berwald liked Neptune because of its colors. Mathias liked Uranus, purely for the name. This made Lukas snort with laughter. The rest of the people in the room got quiet and looked at him, before they all burst into laughter too. He laughed along with them. It felt nice to laugh again. Interacting with others was nice, he told himself that he’d have to do it more often.    
  
Suddenly, he really had to go to the bathroom. He tapped Mathias’s arm. “Mathias,” he whispered. “Let me up, I gotta pee.”    
  
“Okay,” Mathias whispered, letting Lukas up so he could go to the bathroom. Luckily enough, the bathroom door was open, so he didn’t have trouble finding it.    
  
As he was using the restroom, he heard someone come in the front door and yell that they were home. A chorus of “Hey, Emil’s,” Came from the trio out in the living room.  _ Ah, so Mathias’s mysterious brother makes an appearance…  _   
  
He heard them all talking with Emil, their words being drowned out by the sound of the water rushing over his hands as he washed them, as well as the flushing of the toilet. He could hear them more clearly when the sounds of water stopped and he was drying his hands on the hand towel.    
  
“Who’s here? Besides you all, of course.” A voice that Lukas vaguely remembers hearing before says. He assumes this is Emil.    
  
“Lukas, he’s in the bathroom.” Tino responded. Lukas could hear Tino’s cheery smile through his words. He waited a few moments, but it was quiet in the living room. He decided to come out of the bathroom.    
  
He opened the door, stepping out of the room, and walking towards the living room. What he saw made him freeze.    
  
There, standing in the middle of the room, was Emil.  _ His _ Emil. His little brother. Oh, how grown-up he looked. It’d been five years since he’d last seen his little brother, but he’d recognize him anywhere. This was most definitely the brother he’d been torn away from.    
  
He stood there, silently staring. He saw his brother’s features go from confusion, to understanding, and then something entirely incomprehensible as his hand flew up to cover his mouth. What was that? That seemed like a negative reaction. Lukas couldn’t do that. Nope, nadda, zip, big fat zero chance on him sticking around another second to see his brother’s reaction. He, instead, turned and raced back into the bathroom.    
  
With unsteady hands, he slammed the door shut behind him, trying to lock it as best he could. He backed away from it, towards the other wall, but kept his eyes locked firmly on it.    
  
He couldn’t decipher his brother’s thoughts. Was he upset? Was he hurt? Was he angry? Lukas supposed those were all possible. More and more thoughts circled around his head, cutting off all rational thoughts with outlandish ones. He felt like the walls were closing in on him. He couldn’t breathe. Why did his brother react like that? Was it because Lukas had left him in an orphanage? It wasn’t like he wanted to. He’d had no choice. Would Emil understand that, though? He didn’t know. He heard his name being called from outside the bathroom door, but the voices seemed far away from where he was. He didn’t respond. It wasn’t like he could, even if he wanted to; gasping for air made it too difficult to talk.   
  
The bathroom door opened all of a sudden. It confused Lukas.  _ I thought I locked that? _ He saw a head of platinum blond hair peek through the crack the person had made. Light blue eyes stared into deep blue ones, and a weak voice spoke.    
  
“Lukas?” Emil said, hesitantly opening the door further. He took a small step into the bathroom, towards his brother. Lukas didn’t know what to do. There was no where else to go.    
  
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t… didn’t mean to leave you by yourself, I couldn’t, they didn’t let me, I couldn’t take care, I, I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad,” Lukas rambled. He spoke quickly and his words ran together, making him near incomprehensible. Emil understood, though.    
  
“I’m not mad…” Emil said. Lukas was confused. What did he mean, he wasn’t mad? He didn’t understand.    
  
“Emil…” Lukas whispered. He remembered the letter in his pocket. He frantically dug it out, holding out the small, folded piece of paper to Emil. He closed his eyes, so as not to see his brother’s face when reading the paper. He looked at the back of his eyelids for what felt like decades, until he heard a sniffle come from the boy standing across from him. He looked up just as Emil wrapped him in a huge hug, crying onto his shoulder like he used to when he was young. Lukas began to cry then, too. He hugged his brother close.    
  
“You’re here, you’re here, oh god. It’s you. I thought I’d never see you again. Oh my god, Emil. You’re here. I missed you. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m sorry. Oh, god.” Lukas whispered to his brother.    
  
“Yes, I’m here. And you’re here. We’re here. I missed you too. I love you too.” Emil responded slightly louder.    
  
Lukas squeezed his brother tighter. He was considerably shorter than Lukas, so he could rest his head atop his brother’s. His hair was soft and smelled like the outdoors. Lukas laughed, then, more tears springing at the same time. He saw Mathias out of the corner of his eye, watching the two with a concerned expression on his face.    
  
As much as he didn’t want to, in fear that Emil would disappear, he let go of his brother, and looked at Mathias, smiling.    
  
“You know how I had a brother, right?” Lukas asked Mathias.    
  
“Yes…” Mathias responded hesitantly. Emil turned towards Mathias then, too.    
  
“Well… This is him. Looks like your Emil is also my little brother.” Lukas said. Mathias gaped at the two, not quite understanding.    
  
“Wait, what? What do you mean?” Mathias asked.    
  
“Mathias, I told you my big brother’s name, right? Lukas. Lukas Bondevik.  _ This is _ Lukas Bondevik.” Emil said, pointing at Lukas.    
  
“Oh… I never even made the connection that you two could be related…” Mathias whispered. Lukas wiped his eyes, trying not to cry more than he already had. He felt Emil hug him again, and didn’t hesitate to return the gesture.    
  
“Mathias? Ber and I are gonna head out now, good night! Bye Lukas, Emil!” Tino called out.    
  
“Bye,” The three of them called in unison. Moments later, they heard the front door open and shut. The sounds resonated in Lukas’s head. He felt like it was closing the doors on all the thoughts about never finding his brother, or his brother not liking him anymore if he found him, and negative things like that. It was a weight lifted off his shoulders.    
  
The three of them moved to the living room, where there was more space than in the tiny bathroom. Mathias had a lot of questions. The brothers answered as best as they could. They all talked for a long while. By the time they were done, it was around one in the morning. 

Emil yawned. “I think I’m gonna head to bed. Night, guys.” He said, getting up from his spot on the couch next to Lukas and walking towards his room. Before he entered, though, he turned back.    
  
“You’re gonna be here in the morning when I wake up, right, Lukas? You’re not gonna disappear?” Emil asked, worry tinting his words and expression.    
  
“I’ll be here, I’m not going anywhere tonight.” Lukas assured him with a smile. Emil smiled back before heading into his room. 

“That sure was… something.” Mathias said when Emil was out of earshot. Lukas nodded.

“I missed him… I had no idea… This all seems like some sort of dream…” Lukas said sleepily. He, too, was tired, but made himself stay awake to talk to Mathias.    
  
“I’m glad you two found each other, though. Now you both have closure on it, and know how to get in contact with each other.” Mathias smiled. He slung an arm around Lukas, bringing him close to his side. He kissed the top of Lukas’s head, making him blush for the third time that night. The attention was not unwanted, though, so Lukas allowed it to happen. He curled into the Dane’s side.    
  
“I’m glad we found each other, too. I really missed him.” Lukas whispered, beginning to doze off.    
  
“I know ya did, believe me. He missed you just as much.” Mathias whispered back. He rubbed the tired Norwegian’s arm in an attempt to soothe him into sleeping. It seemed to work, as Mathias soon heard soft snores come from Lukas. He smiled softly down at him. He picked him up bridal-style and brought him to his room, laying him down on the bed. He got a blanket and laid it overtop him, then grabbing another one for himself.    
  
That night, Mathias slept on the couch, but it was worth it, for the two people he cared extremely deeply about could rest happy tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This will be the last chapter for about a week, seeing as my co-author is on a trip at the moment. I'm here to bring you another chapter, though, so I hope it's alright!   
> And so the brothers finally meet. I hope I managed to pull that off well.   
> (Also, DenNor fluff because I'm trash for that ship.)  
> The title of this chapter is based off the song Hey, Brother by Avicii, just like this fic is.   
> If you want to talk to us about the fic, leave a comment! Or come yell at us at norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr!  
> Thank you all so much for reading!


	10. How did it end up like this?

Emil couldn't remember last time he had had such a good night's sleep. The bleak rays of the morning sun were finding their way through the blinds covering his bedroom window, rousing him from his peaceful slumber. Slowly, he sat up, regarding the well known room with passive eyes. The previous day had been fun but also very fatiguing.

* * *

_After school, he had been invited over to Leon’s house to meet his family. They were… a special bunch. Since Leon's parents often had to work outside the country with international affairs, the rambunctious family was more or less governed by Leon's oldest brother, Yao. He had made a huge traditional Chinese meal, urging Emil to try all the weird dishes, despite his reluctance._

_They had gotten a good few laughs from watching Emil’s facial expressions as he tasted the unknown food. Especially another of Leon's brothers, Yong Soo had been very vocal about it, patting the younger boy on the back while shouting encouraging words._

_Later, they had been told stories by Cheng, the second oldest brother, while Xiao Mei and Leon's three cousins Lien, Kunga and Tai, who also lived in the three storey house, made dessert. Although the group was very welcoming and kind, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit like an outsider. It took all his attention to keep up with their accented way of speaking, often at a very fast pace. In other words, he had been more or less exhausted by all the attention by the time Leon decided to walk him back to the apartment he shared with Matthias._

_Emil had been very tired and not very attentive as they walked, still not used to getting so much attention from people. He wondered how Leon handled constantly being surrounded by his huge family unit. They were entering the more busy part of the city when it happened._

_Lost in thought, mostly running on autopilot, Emil just walked straight ahead until he was suddenly pulled backwards, narrowly avoiding being hit by a passing car. He stumbled a few steps before regaining his balance, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Leon was clutching his hand in an iron grip, eyes wide with fear. However, the emotion was soon replaced by his usual light hearted grin, as if nothing had happened._

_“You should pay attention to your surroundings, it’d be a shame if you got run over.” Leon changed his grip on Emil’s hand, intertwining their fingers. He winked at him, but looked away again too fast for Emil to determine whether it was intentional or not._

_“I guess I’ll just have to watch out for you then, just stick close and I’ll get you home safely.” Before Emil had the chance to reply, Leon was dragging him with him. Emil could feel his cheeks start to heat up, but held on tightly to Leon’s hand anyway, letting himself be led home._

_If he hadn’t be paying attention to his surroundings before, he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a car and a road now. His eyes were locked on to Leon as he walked joyously beside him, swinging their hands in between them as if they were the main characters in a cheesy movie._ Is this normal in his culture? Does he have any idea of what this looks like? Do I mind it? What if he actually means it like that, what will I do if he does? 

 _Emil was too distracted to realize when they finally reached his block, ending up walking straight into Leon’s shoulder, something which caused Leon to snicker._  

_“You’re really lost without me aren’t you?”_

_Emil scoffed, turning his head to hide the fact that his pale cheeks were growing redder._

_“I’m just a bit tired that’s all”. He looked down at their still joined hands._

_“Aren’t you going to, um, let go of my hand soon? I think I’ll be safe from here.”_

_Leon’s eyes showed surprise for a split second as if he wasn’t aware of the fact that they were still holding hands, but yet again, the emotion was gone before Emil could quite catch it. Leon gave a small laugh, however, it was slightly more unsure than it usually was._  

 _“You’re not gonna trip in the stairs or walk into a door if I don’t accompany you then?” Leon somehow seemed.. Hopeful? Emil internally shook his head. No, it was probably wishful thinking. He couldn’t just fall for every person that was kind to him. He was probably just reading too much into the situation. He hesitated for a bit, considering to ask if Leon wanted to come with him, but let go of the idea. They had already spent a long time with Leon’s family, he was probably tired as well, and judging by how they all doted on their youngest brother, he doubted they’d appreciate him keeping Leon from them for too long without telling them. Instead, he shook his head slightly._  

 _“No, I promise I won’t trip on the stairs.” Gently prying Leon’s hand off his own, he gave a small smile before taking a step towards the door. He turned to say goodbye, and was met by a Leon who looked slightly lost._  

**Look, you made him sad.**

He’s probably just tired as well, that’s all.

_Leon smiled slightly, before waving, turning around to walk back home again._

* * *

Emil sighed, flopping onto his back. When he first realized he had feelings for Leon, he had wanted to scream. Even though he had only known him for a short time, he knew that the way he felt around Leon wasn’t like with his few other friends. He had had a few small crushes on people through middle school, but never dated anyone. Still, this was different than that too. He wasn’t even sure if Matthias and his parents was accepting of gay people. More than ever, he wished he could speak with it together with Lukas. He’d understand. 

_Lukas._

Emil flung himself out his bed. Had it all been a dream? Hurriedly throwing on the first clothes he could find in the messy piles on his floor he rushed into the living room, taking a quick look around. He felt his stomach drop when he realized that the couch was empty. Had he really been there the other day? He thought he could recall his brother promising to be there when he woke up. However, it wasn’t unusual for him to dream about Lukas, so his mind playing cheap tricks on him wouldn’t be anything new. Lukas had haunted his dreams for years. 

The apartment didn't have a guest room, and he doubted that his brother would feel comfortable with sharing a bed with Matthias. He had always been a rather shy person who preferred that everyone stayed out of his personal space. When they were younger, the only people he allowed close to him were Emil and their parents. 

Shaking his head, he trudged into the kitchen. The sound of something sizzling in a frying pan caught his attention. Lost in all the hopeful thoughts, he had failed to notice the smell of eggs and bacon frying. He made a small grunt at Matthias who was flipping the pieces of bacon in the frying pan, absentmindedly humming a song Emil vaguely recognized.

Matthias smiled at Emil as he approached the stove, and dumped a portion of eggs onto a plate before handing it to the younger boy.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I guess? I had a strange dream.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah, I just- Why are you making three portions?”

Matthias glanced down at the plates in front of him, blinking a few times, as if he hadn’t been aware of what he had been doing. _He is way too young to start becoming senile already._ Matthias scratched the back of his head, casting a glance towards the doorway. 

“I was kinda hoping to have some for myself, and also I have no idea how much your brother eats for breakfast, so I made some extra.” 

“Is Lukas still here!?”

Matthias shrugged, glancing at the doorway again. 

“He was still asleep last time I checked. I didn’t want to wake him, but he’s in my room I guess.” Emil didn’t need to hear more before he rushed into Matthias’ room. _It wasn’t a dream. He’s really here. My brother is really here._  

The curtains were still pulled in front of the windows in Matthias’ room, but they did little to keep the light out. Soft colours filtered through them, bathing the room in a warm orange hue. Lukas was still fast asleep, bundled up in Matthias’ covers, clinging to them as if they were his anchor on a stormy sea. Emil paused, taking in the view, so very alike one he had seen countless times before. 

Lukas had always been a sound sleeper, not easily woken by anything. Their mom used to joke that the world could end, and he’d still not notice. Still, the moment he sensed his brother needing something, he’d be wide awake within seconds, something that had often lead to Emil being the one tasked with waking him up in the mornings. 

It had become routine; Emil walking into Lukas’ room and climbing into the older boy’s bed, clinging to him until he eventually woke. No one ever questioned it. After all, it was the best way to get the heavy sleeper to get out of bed. 

It had only been after the accident that Emil realized how much he had grown accustomed to it. He’d wake in the mornings in his new home, wandering around aimlessly, until he realized, his brother didn’t need him there to wake him up. He had never really dared to ask Matthias if it’d be okay for him to come into his room like that in the mornings, neither did he get the opportunity to as his new brother woke earlier than him on most days.

However, as he was standing there now, he could feel the past five years without this little ritual of theirs more clearly than ever. Lukas was showing no signs of waking up on his own accord anytime soon. His breathing was even, his hair the only thing visible, just like Emil remembered. _Funny how after so much has changed, some things still remain the same._  

He lingered uncertainly by the edge of the bed, hesitantly carding his fingers through the blond strands spilling out on the pillow. The cross-shaped hairclip that had once belonged to their mom was resting on the bedside table, glimmering slightly in the light. Emil picked it up, studying the worn shape. It was slightly smaller than he remembered it to be, and the edges were smooth from wear. Still, it was undoubtedly the same one his mother had used, her lucky charm during competitions. Putting it down, Emil glanced over at the sleeping body again.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, fingers poking at the edge of the blanket. Would it still be okay for him to climb in with Lukas? He hated how the past 5 years had created such a gap between them. He felt like he didn’t know where they stood with each other anymore. Taking a deep breath, he lifted the cover and snuggled up against his long lost brother.

He just lay there for a couple of minutes, savouring the warmth and the calm, comfortable feeling that always surrounded Lukas. He sighed contently, hoping that they would be able to mend what had been broken by their time apart. As if only the thought itself was enough, Lukas stirred, blinking slowly down at Emil, who froze up for a moment, afraid that he might have gone too far.

Instead of throwing him out however, Lukas just stared blankly at him, as if he couldn’t quite comprehend that he was there, before pulling him into a hug. They just lay there for a while, Lukas humming softly to himself, like he used to do when he was content, his soft voice as calming as it had always been.

Emil didn’t know how long they stayed there, but that was where Matthias eventually found them. He complained loudly about them leaving him out of the fun before jumping on top of them, squashing them both into the bed. Emil hadn’t laughed that much in years, and to his surprise, even Lukas cracked a smile.

They completely forgot the time, almost ending up with Emil coming too late to school, but they somehow managed to get him there on time. The teacher gave Emil a slight scowl as he ran in through the door just as she started noting down absence. Leon just snickered as the teacher  dramatically began to explain how much latecomers ruined the quality of the lesson, and about how she wished they used rules that prevented latecomers to enter classes at all.

The rest of the classes passed without Emil really noticing what was being said at all, his mind still not quite done with processing the fact that he had managed to find Lukas again. During lunch, Alfred actually noticed that he wasn’t participating in the conversation, and asked if everything was okay with him, something which he just nodded to, giving a sheepish smile.

The end of the day came much faster than he had expected, and soon enough he was walking out the doors, Leon trailing behind him.

“You seem very different today,” Leon commented as he rummaged through his bag, pulling out  a carton of apple juice. He poked the straw through the weak spot on the box, nibbling thoughtfully at the end of the straw. The sun was making Leon’s hair look like it was coated with gold. He was wearing it in a ponytail again (no, he was not taking after his brother), his long bangs fluttering weakly in the wind.

“I just really need to get home,” Emil said forcing himself not to stare at Leon’s hair. The other didn’t seem to notice, but took a long sip from his juice.

“Oh, that’s too bad then. I was wondering if you wanted to come over… Um, the other’s I mean, they really liked you. Thought you were funny.” He tossed the empty juice box into a nearby trash can as they walked past it. Leon suddenly stopped for a moment, staring at Emil.

“Wait, I thought you went to the stables on Wednesdays?”

 _Dammit_.

Emil glanced at his phone. With everything that had been happening the previous day he had forgotten that he still had to train with Gígja. The competition was less than a week away, and he still hadn’t gotten the guts to tell Matthias about it. Lukas and Matthias were both coming to pick him up after school. In fact, they were nearly at the bus stop where Matthias used to park while he waited for him.

_I could always lie and tell Feliks that I’m sick. He wouldn't be able to argue with that, but I’m still not very experienced and I need all the training I can get and-_

“Hey, are you okay? Emil?” Leon was shaking his shoulder, snapping his fingers in front of Emil’s eyes with his other hand. Emil nodded quickly, pulling out his phone. Maybe if he was quick he’d have the time to call Matthias and Lukas so he could tell them not to pick him up. His plan was interrupted by Matthias yelling his name from across the street where he was standing together with Lukas who looked slightly uncomfortable with having the Dane hanging onto his shoulder, not quite used to having anyone up in his personal space.

“Is that your brother?” Leon asked. Emil nodded, lowering his phone.

“Yeah. Actually, they both are.” He ignored Leon’s confused expression and hurried over to where Matthias and Lukas were waiting by the car. Leon was still following behind him. Matthias pulled him into a one armed hug when he came close enough, squashing Lukas with his other.

“Hey Em, how was your day?” Matthias grinned, releasing the sibling pair from his embrace. Emil shrugged, assuring him that everything was fine before turning back to Leon, who was watching the three of them awkwardly.

“I don’t think I introduced you, but this is my friend Leon. I think I mentioned him to you?”

Matthias paused for a moment, as if thinking, then enthusiastically went to shake Leon’s hand. Even though Leon usually was an energetic extroverted person himself, he still seemed slightly baffled by Matthias’ hyper personality. Lukas shook his hand with the same passive expression that he usually wore, or at least, usually wore when Emil was younger. Another thing that was seemingly the same. After a few minutes with Matthias and Leon making small talk while Lukas and Emil just stood by, watching as the two exchanged words, Matthias decided that he wanted to go home.

“I got to eat you know. I didn’t have time for lunch today since I forgot to pack one, and I didn’t have time to go buy anything.”

“You could have asked someone who had time to buy something for you.” Lukas commented. Matthias lightly hit Lukas’ back, giving him a reprimanding stare.

“I already owe Tino one, and I’m not gonna make you go get me lunch just because you don’t have classes, what kind of buddy would I be? I’m supposed to be helping you, not ordering you around.”

“You couldn’t order me around if you wanted to, I don’t listen to idiots. Anyways, we should get going so you don’t starve. ”

Emil stopped, taking hold of Matthias’ sleeve.

“Wait. I have something I need to tell you.”

Matthias pouted, glancing at his car.

“Can it wait until we get home? I’m really hungry.”

“No, It has to be now. Okay, don’t get mad.” Emil took a deep breath. In the corner of his eye, he could see Leon fidgeting with his backpack straps. Lukas was halfway into the car, but was hanging onto the door, watching Emil with a worried expression.

“So you know how I’ve been away after school a lot recently? That wasn’t just because I didn’t want to see you. Or because I was at a friend’s house. I have a, um, it’s a hobby. There’s this local stable that is owned by one of my mother’s friends, and they let me borrow a horse in exchange for helping out there sometimes. They offered me to participate in a competition on Saturday, so that’’s where I’ve been. Training for the competition. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.”

Lukas inhaled sharply, a mix between something that looked like it could be pride or pain grazing his face. Matthias sighed in relief, giving Emil a pat on the shoulder.

“Why would you think I’d be mad about this? I mean, I wish you would have told me earlier, but I can’t see why you’d think I would be upset with this.”

Emil shrugged, looking at his feet. 

“I didn’t want you to feel bad for not having enough money to provide me with a leisure activity and I never really found the right moment to tell you. I’m sorry. And also, I kinda have to go there today so I can train with my, um, he’s my coach I guess?”   

“Oh, we could drive you there then? Right Lukas?” 

They all turned to Lukas who was standing frozen by the car. He hadn’t said a word since Emil revealed his secret, but judging by the way he was staring at Emil, he did have something he wanted to say. Matthias let his eyes flicker between them both.

“You alright buddy?” 

Lukas blinked, nodding. His voice was barely a whisper. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” When he met Emil's eyes again, it was obvious that his own were starting to fill with unshed tears. 

“You remind me of mom a lot you know? You look like her, and you act like her, and now you have taken up her hobby as well. I think.. I think she’d be very proud of you. You were always her favourite.” Lukas looked up, trying to keep his tears from spilling. Emil could feel his own eyes starting to fill with tears.

“Don’t say that. You know she loved you a lot, even if you fought sometimes. I know she actually liked your violin playing, even if she was mad at you for getting a violin at first. She told me that. Just, she’d be proud of you too.” 

Lukas laughed bitterly. 

“I failed to keep you with me and I haven’t even managed to become anything yet. You know, one of the last things she said to me was that she wished I could get a job soon. She was always worrying about how I never seemed to have any plans for my future, and look where I am now. Maybe she was right all along. There’s not really anything to be proud of.”

Emil clenched his fists. 

“Maybe her real problem was that you always were so self-deprecating!? Like, you never went through with anything. She’d try and try to get you to do something but you always gave up the moment shit started to get hard. Why do you think she got frustrated when you went and began playing the violin? She’d buy one for you. She’d buy the world for you, and you just couldn’t accept her help. The only thing you ever committed to was the one thing you wouldn’t let her help you with!” 

Emil turned around, ignoring both Matthias’ shocked expression, and the hurt one Lukas was sending him. Instead he grabbed hold of Leon’s hand, not feeling like going alone. The other boy didn’t protest, but he looked like he wanted to. His eyes were not sure of who to settle on. 

“I’ll have Feliks drive me home, he’s mom’s friend in case you’re wondering, but I’ll, I just can’t stay here.”

  
Before Matthias had any chance to protest or make him stay to talk it out, Emil dragged Leon with him in the general direction of the stables, not looking back before he was sure his brothers were both out of sight and not following him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: 10.10.16  
> I changed the date for the competition to match with my co-writer's chapter. Otherwise, the plot stays the same
> 
> Hey!! So I'm back from my trip with a new chapter. I'm sorry it is a bit short, but my friend had a good idea so you have something good coming in the next chapter. Title is from Mr. Brightside by The killers.
> 
> So Ice finally meets Hong kong's huge family, which is to be honest, very confusing. My friend helped me find the names for everyone, some of them are fanon so here's a list as to who's who:
> 
> Yao: China  
> Yong Soo: South Korea  
> Cheng: Macau  
> Xiao Mei: Taiwan  
> Lien: Vietnam  
> Kunga: Tibet  
> Tai: Thailand
> 
> Cultural note: Since my co-writer found this weird, I'm just gonna put this here. In norway greeting people by shaking hands is how you usually do it, regardless of who it is. So while it might seem very formal, it's not really that much of a big deal.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! If you want to talk to us we are Sheepouttetradecagon and norwaythememelord on tumblr :)


	11. Isn't it Ironic?

“Take me home.” Lukas said, voice barely above a whisper.   
  
“What? Lukas, I-”   
  
“Damn it, Mathias, I said to take me home. Just, please…” Lukas didn’t bother to prevent any tears from falling at this point. He was too stunned to say anything more.    
  
Mathias, seeing the tears slowly rolling down Lukas’s cheeks, merely nodded. He opened Lukas’s car door for him, closing it after he was sure that Lukas was buckled in. He then went around to his side of the car, slipping into his seat behind the wheel. Looking over at the man in the passenger seat, he wanted to say something, but decided against it. 

Instead, he just drove. Not a word was spoken between the two of them. Lukas couldn’t speak and Mathias felt like it would be inappropriate to. What would he have said, anyways? Nothing he could think of were things he deemed alright to say. 

Even the radio was turned off. It was purely the sound of ragged breaths from Lukas mixed with the scratch of tires on asphalt. This was fine with Lukas.

When Mathias pulled into Lukas’s driveway, he turned off the car. The two of them sat there in utter silence. Then, Lukas took a deep breath. Shakily, he unbuckled his belt, putting his hand on the door handle.    
  
“Lukas?” Mathias asked, grabbing Lukas’s sleeve to prevent him from leaving just yet. Lukas turned to face Mathias.    
  
Mathias smiled at him. It was a slow, hesitant smile, but it was soft and warm, as were the Dane’s light blue eyes. He then brought up a hand to push Lukas’s bangs out of his face. Lukas was confused, but then understood when Mathias leaned over to place a chaste kiss on his forehead. He blushed a deep red color. 

“I’m sorry that happened, LuLu. I’ll talk to him later tonight, yeah?” Mathias’s voice was gentle. He spoke slowly and softly, as if Lukas was a deer and he was trying not to scare it away. Lukas couldn’t bear to look into those damned blue eyes any longer. Not when they held so much tolerance. So much patience, warmth, acceptance, fondness. So much  _ love.  _ How was it possible for someone to care so much about him? When his own brother had just shouted for the whole world to hear all his flaws? Lukas couldn’t begin to comprehend the look Mathias was giving him, the gentleness of his actions. 

“If you want to. I have to go. Bye, Mathias.” Lukas then exited the car swiftly, digging his keys out of his pocket. He fumbled when unlocking his house, dropping his keys once. But not one time did he turn around to look at Mathias. He couldn’t. He had to get inside without looking back. So that’s what he did. 

Once he was inside, he slammed the door shut, leaning against it with a heavy sigh. He was exhausted. What time was it, again? The clock on his wall told him it was only four in the afternoon. Not a conventional time for sleeping, but he couldn’t care less. 

He sluggishly dragged himself to bed, not even bothering to change out of his day clothes as he slipped under the heavy blankets. He laid his head on his pillow, letting his hair spill over his eyes so he could barely see through the light strands. His mind was screaming, but he was weary. Physically and emotionally, he didn’t have enough energy to keep up with his mind today. Closing his eyes, he slowly drifted off to sleep. 

-

He dreamt of nothing, which in a way was a blessing. He didn’t have anything to decipher in the morning. Well, afternoon would be a better term. 

He awoke to banging on his front door and a phone overloaded with text messages. He was too groggy to look at all the messages now, so he saved them for later. He reached out to his nightstand for his hair clip, so he could make himself look somewhat presentable, but came up empty handed. He frowned. Where had it gone?    
  
He then remembered leaving it on Mathias’s nightstand. He groaned, slipping out of bed and grumpily walking to his front door, where the banging had gotten faster and louder. He opened the door and almost came face-to-fist with Mathias’s hand.    
  
“Lukas! Why didn’t you show up today to school? Oh, you look a mess, did you just wake up? Are you alright?” Mathias had a bajillion other questions, none of which Lukas found time to answer during the onslaught of them.    
  
“You’re loud, and it’s bright out there. Come in,” Lukas said in a semi-annoyed tone, dragging Mathias into his house. He closed the door behind him, standing pressed against it as he watched Mathias look around the house, despite having been in it before.    
  
“Why’d you come here?” Lukas asked him, yawning towards the end of his sentence.

“Because you didn’t answer your phone! I was afraid something had happened to you!” Mathias whined, taking big strides to get to where Lukas stood. He hugged him close, resting his head on top of the other’s.    
  
“I was asleep.” Lukas’s voice was muffled by the close proximity of Mathias. He made no move to get away from him, however, and rather just let himself be enveloped by the warmth of another person. A question burned inside him, however, and he pulled away to have it answered.

“Why were you concerned? Shouldn’t you be more worried about Emil?” Lukas asked. He felt Mathias’s arms move from around his shoulders down to his lower back, and he felt himself being pulled closer to Mathias once more. 

“I am worried about Emil. But I also worry about you. I care about you, Lu, a hell of a lot. I don’t want to see you hurting.” As he spoke, he kept one arm wrapped around Lukas as he brought his other arm up so he could card his fingers through Lukas’s silky hair. 

Lukas didn’t know how to respond to that. He leaned his head on Mathias’s chest, though, and closed his eyes. The feeling of someone playing with his hair was nice, and he enjoyed being close to Mathias. 

“Still, this isn’t worth skipping class over,” he mumbled at a later point. He heard Mathias hum to himself.

“Then why are you?” 

“I meant that you shouldn’t be skipping class because of me, dumbass.” 

“Hey! But I’m not skipping class, I’m done for today,” Mathias confirmed. Lukas just sighed. He pulled out of Mathias’s grasp, walking to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Mathias followed. He watched as Lukas poured two glasses, offering one to Mathias before putting the jug back in the fridge. Lukas leaned against the counter, staring at the spot where he wrote his brother that letter some nights ago. He held his cup in slightly trembling hands.    
  
Mathias watched on without speaking, occasionally sipping at his water as he observed Lukas’s behaviour. Lukas took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down as the trembling got worse. He knew he should turn away from the sight, but he couldn’t. 

_ I thought this was going to be easy. I thought we’d get along. I thought it’d be like before. Has five years really changed us that much? All his points were so valid… that’s what makes it worse. Because even after five years, I’m still transparent to him, and everything about me now makes him pissed off. Am I really that bad? He must hate me. I’d hate me, too, if I was him. Fuck, it hasn’t even been that long, and I’ve already blown it… _

It wasn’t until Lukas heard the sound of glass shattering and felt water splash all over his pants that he snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Lukas?!” Mathias rushed to his side, pulling him away from the mess while making sure he didn’t get cut on broken glass. He had set his own glass on the counter and out of the way. He noticed that Lukas was shaking like a leaf. He wasn’t sure why.    
  
“Lukas? Can you tell me where the broom is?” Mathias asked calmly. 

“Shhh. You’re not cleaning this up, I am, I made the mess.” Lukas walked off to find the broom, but it was almost as if he was in a daze. Mathias was worried. He walked after him, cornering him in the hallway. He took the broom from Lukas’s hands without much effort. 

“I’ll clean it up. You go sit down, okay?” Lukas shook his head. Mathias sighed. He led Lukas to the living room and sat him down on the couch. “Stay,” he told him. As he walked back to the kitchen, he heard a muttered, “I’m not a dog,” come from Lukas. Mathias just chuckled.

He swept up the glass into the dustpan, dumping the shattered remains of what was once a cup into the garbage bin. He then got a handful of paper towels to wipe up the water, being mindful of extra bits of glass. After he was sure that the kitchen was safe to be in again, he put away the broom and went to sit by Lukas, who at this point was curled up at the end of the couch, picking at his hands. 

“Don’t do that,” Mathias said softly, pulling Lukas’s hands away from each other and holding them in his own for a bit. He then sat beside Lukas, wrapping an arm around him to pull him close to his side. 

Lukas sighed. He was tired again, despite having only woken up a bit ago. 

“I’m sorry,” Lukas said quietly. Mathias waved a hand in dismissal.    
  
“Don’t be, buddy. I’m here to cheer you up! What do you want to do?” 

“Sleep,” Lukas mumbled, resting his head on the Dane. He was warm and comfortable, and Lukas couldn’t resist closing his eyes. 

“But, LuLu, you just woke up. Don’t you wanna do something fun?” 

“Sleep is fun.”

“I mean something exciting! Like watching a movie or playing a game or something,” Mathias was running out of ideas. Which was concerning, since he’d only listed two things.

“Sleep is exciting. I can play games or watch movies in my dreams.”

“Lukas, you can’t sleep all day,” Mathias pleaded. “Come on, let’s go do something, yeah?” 

“I don’t want to. I want to sleep.” Lukas could barely talk loud enough to be heard, sleep already having him in its clutches. 

“Oh, fine. Go to sleep, then. But be up later! I want to talk to you about something.” Mathias said. He pushed Lukas away a bit, getting ready to stand up so he could leave Lukas be, but was surprised by Lukas holding onto his arm. 

“Don’t go. You’re warm and comfortable, and I maybe don’t wanna be alone right now.” Lukas looked at Mathias with sleep-clouded eyes, silently begging him to stay.    
  
“Alright,” Mathias agreed. So he stayed, and Lukas went back to sleep, not waking up til hours later in his bed with a note on the dresser. 

_ Lukas, _

_ I’ve gone home, but I carried you to bed so you wouldn’t wake up stiff and sore. I hope you slept well! Check your phone!  _

_ ~ Mathias _

All over the note were hand drawn hearts, stars, and smiley faces. Lukas appreciated the effort. He finally checked his phone, noting all the missed messages. Some were from classmates telling him that he missed assignments, which he ignored. Most of the messages came from Mathias. 

He opened them, reading through them all until he got to the last one. That was the only one worth replying to. 

**From: Mathias** **  
** **Emil told me his competition is at 1 p.m. on Saturday, he wants u to be there. Will u come?**

Lukas thought it over. Would he? His brother had acted thoroughly disgusted last time he saw him, he didn’t want to cause a big scene at a competition. But, he had missed out on his little brother’s life for far too long now, he was going to participate more. 

**To: Mathias**

**I’ll be there.**

Having nothing else to do then, he went back to sleep. 

-

This would become routine over the next week. Lukas didn’t show up to any classes. He was getting behind, but he failed to care. He slept the majority of the time, purely for the fact that when he was awake, he thought about the fight. Those thoughts led to worse ones, and he didn’t want to go down that road.

The only times he was awake was when Mathias stopped by to visit, which was once a day, usually around lunch.

He’d bring over food for them to share, and he’d talk while Lukas listened. He made sure Lukas showered and took care of himself, and then they’d watch television until Mathias had to go again.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad schedule, Lukas supposed. But he barely had the energy to do that. He wondered why he was so drained all the time. Why was he sleeping most hours of the day now? Why could only one person ever motivate him to get out of bed for an hour? He didn’t have a clue. 

On Thursday, he was woken up by a phone call from an unknown number. He answered it.    
  
“Hello?”   
  
_ “Lukas? Are you alright? Oh god, you have me and Ber so worried! Where’re you at? Why haven’t you come to school? Mathias is worried about you too!” _   
  
Tino’s voice dripped with concern, causing Lukas to feel a twinge of guilt.

“Sorry, I just haven’t felt well is all. I’ll be back next week.”   
  
_ “That better not be a lie!”  _

_ “I’ll drag him here if I have to, don’t worry.” _

“Mathias, you will do no such thing.” Lukas said. He would come back! Just on his own time. 

_ “Please come back soon, though. We are all worried ‘bout ya.” _ Berwald’s deep voice sounded through the phone speakers. 

“Alright, alright. I have to go now. Bye.” Lukas said. He didn’t want to be on the phone any longer, so he hung up without getting a response. 

Had they really meant that? He wasn’t sure. But then he thought about how ridiculous it’d be to call someone and say that you were worried for them if you really weren’t. 

Thinking about his led him to thinking about Emil, which gave him a headache, so he went back to sleep to fight it off. 

-

On Saturday, Lukas woke up from his alarm going off at ten a.m. He lazily rolled out of bed, taking a shower and getting dressed in presentable clothes for today. He wanted to finally make things right again with his brother. He didn’t know where to begin, though. 

It was around twelve by the time he had finished getting ready, and he was feeling a little hungry. He made himself some noodles to eat while he waited until it was time to leave. Mathias called to ask if he was awake and ready. He said yes, and explained that he’d gotten dressed and showered without being told. 

_ “Do you want a ride?” _   
  
“No, I’ll drive myself.” Lukas wanted to be able to leave early if need be. 

_ “Alright. Take care, then. See ya soon, LuLu!”  _ Mathias didn’t allow Lukas much time to respond before he hung up on him. 

_ Alright, then. _ Lukas washed his dishes when he was done for them. By that time, it was 12:30, so he figured he might as well head out now. 

He grabbed his keys and phone, strolling to his car. Once inside, he cautiously backed out of the driveway. His usual consciousness while driving, however, was not present today. Other things plagued his mind rather than being attentive to his surroundings. 

How would his brother react to seeing him again after a week of no contact? Would he be happy? Angry? Sad? Indifferent? Had his brother forgiven him? He’d forgiven Emil. What if Emil didn’t want him there? Would he ask him to leave? Would they fight again? Lukas didn’t want to fight again. He wondered if the fight had any affect on Emil like it had had on him. Did Emil even know about that? Would Mathias tell him? Unlikely. 

These questions, combined with other distracting thoughts along with a grogginess he just couldn’t shake prevented Lukas from paying attention to the road like he was supposed to. 

He didn’t see the oncoming car racing through the intersection he was driving across until it slammed into him. 

He heard metal scratch against metal. Metallic crunching that could only be the front of a car colliding with his own rang through the air with a haunting echo. Glass shattered, this time on a larger scale than in his kitchen. Little shards landed all over him. A bigger shard cut his forehead, more shards leaving cuts and scrapes on his arms. His head was thrown forward due to impact and it collided with the steering wheel. He shrieked. Luckily, it didn’t seem to hit too hard. 

This all seemed to go in slow motion to him, but in reality is happened very fast. 

He heard people screaming, and soon enough he heard sirens. Police and some ambulances arrived on scene. The lights were extremely bright. Were they always that bright? He couldn’t remember. His vision was getting fuzzy. It was hard to stay awake now. Vision going black at the edges wasn’t normal, he recalled, but he could do nothing to stop it. 

He fell asleep by the time medics could get him out of the car and into the ambulance. Everything after that ceased to exist. 

Right before he blacked out, though, he wondered if he’d be going to see his mom and dad again. He didn’t want to let Emil by himself, however, not when they just found each other again. So he pushed that thought away before succumbing to the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops. sorry.
> 
> at least there's some dennor fluff? (chapter title is from Ironic by Alanis Morissete) (not sure if i spelled her name right lol)
> 
> you can message us at norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr!


	12. Waiting on the moment trouble ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so things will get a bit angsty in this one, and WARNING: there will be a breakdown, so if that's triggering you can skip from "Herregud" to "They were interrupted by Leon and Alfred"

By the time Saturday came around, Emil felt like he hadn’t slept since the day he was born.The days after his fight with Lukas had passed in a blur, filled with intense training and time spent with Leon and his family. Most days, he couldn’t bear to meet the pleading eyes of Matthias, so he simply stayed away from home.

One time, he even went with Alfred to his home after school, but he quickly decided that he prefered Leon’s family over Alfred’s overprotective host family who would check in on them every other minute to see if they were still alive.

Instead, he invited his two friends to come watch him practice with Toris, who despite not being a competitive rider himself, was a really good trainer. “It’s the horsemanship,” Feliks would say. “He could get them to do anything for him; it’s almost like he’s one of them.”

At night Emil would lie awake, not really able to catch any sleep, his argument with Lukas finally forcing its way into his thoughts, now that there wasn’t anything else to occupy his mind. He knew Matthias went there every day, and he knew he should tell him he was sorry, but for some reason, he never did. He just couldn’t. It reminded him of how Lukas and his mother had treated each other before, their differences in character setting them apart more and more with every passing day. Where Lukas was a distant dreamer, she was structured and realistic. He didn’t want to be her. He didn’t want to start a fight to come crawling back with apologies later on when he realized what he had done. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing when Lukas said he reminded him of her anymore.

* * *

_It was the third time that week that Emil heard the high pitched sounds of Lukas’ violin coming from the room across the hall, something he knew meant that Lukas and his mother had just had another fight. They seemed like they were starting to become a regular thing, a constant in his everyday life. It worried him._

_Opening his door slightly so he could sneak out of his room unnoticed, he slipped across the small hallway until he was situated outside his brother’s bedroom door. It was slightly ajar, but not enough for him to be able to see in. However, it wasn’t necessary, he wasn’t planning on speaking to his brother at the moment anyway._

_The notes had started to become more sure the past few days. They were less shrill, and sometimes, it was actually rather nice to listen to. Emil closed his eyes and let the music lull him into a state of calm half sleep. He could hear annoyed huffs coming from the room every time a note sounded off, but he didn’t really mind. It was nice to listen to either way._

_It felt like he had been sitting there for hours when his mother suddenly appeared, carrying a tray with waffles and a glass of milk on it. She stopped when she saw Emil resting outside Lukas’ door, putting the tray down._

_“Emil, what are you doing here, shouldn’t you be in bed?” She hurried over and lifted him up into his arms. He was starting to get a bit big for that, but she had always been stronger than she looked. The music stopped abruptly the moment the words were out of her mouth._

_“Were you going to apologize to him again?” Emil mumbled as she carried him into his room, softly putting him down on his bed. She averted her eyes, stubbornly staring out the window._

_“I don’t know what you are talking about. Please go to sleep, you have school tomorrow so you need to be up by six, okay?” She gave him a kiss on the forehead, tucking his blanket around him. Her light blue eyes looked icy in the dull light from the window. Emil thought that sometimes, she looked like some ancient war goddess like from in the stories she sometimes read for him._

_“I heard you earlier. I wish you’d stop. It’s not fun when you’re sad.”_

_“We’re not sad. Just working stuff out. It will be fine, you see. I’m only trying to help him.” She turned slightly, hesitating for a moment, before exiting the room. Even Emil could tell the words were more to reassure herself more than something she actually meant. He closed his eyes, listening to his mother picking up the tray and entering Lukas’ room._

_He didn’t manage to fall asleep before he was sure it wouldn’t end in any more shouting._

* * *

Emil sighed, fastening the silver clip to his hair underneath his helmet. It was slightly uncomfortable, but it felt reassuring, as if his mother was watching him.

“You would have loved this, wouldn't you?” He whispered, mostly to himself. Gígja was the only one who could hear anyway. Her dark eyes glimmered softly, understanding. Emil smiled, ruffling her wild mane.

He wondered if Lukas would have anything against him using it. Had he been wearing it frequently since they parted? It had always seemed like their mother and him had always been arguing about something, but Emil didn’t doubt that his older brother missed her just as much as he did. He gritted his teeth. Looking back on it now, their argument earlier that week had seemed rather stupid. What was he doing? Here he had been going for five years, not daring to hope that they’d see each other again, and when they finally did, he had messed it all up.

Sighing, he did a last check on his tack, tightening the girth before taking the reins in his hand. He couldn’t let this get to him now. Not when Feliks and Toris had invested so much in him so he could stand on the same stage as his mother did. And Matthias had said Lukas would be watching as well.

The arena was bigger than the one he had practiced on, but it still held the same familiarity to it. The sand was soft underneath them as they positioned themselves. Emil scanned the crowd quickly, trying to see if he could spot Matthias and Lukas, but with no luck. He didn’t allow himself time to look closer, but checked the length of his stirrups for the third time that day, nervosity lingering at the edge of his mind. When he was certain everything was okay, he mounted Gígja, and took hold of the reins. The chatter from the crowd was drowning out any other sounds that might have been heard under normal circumstances.

He took a few deep breaths, going through his plan in his head before urging Gígja to start walking. It was a simple task really. All he needed to do was to show off the different gaits, then the rest would be up to the judges. He ignored the sound of the crowd and his surroundings as he lead Gígja through the different gaits, keeping her on the outside track. His mother’s pin felt heavy against his hair.

The time in the arena felt like it lasted forever, until he was finally done, the sound of Alfred and Leon shouting from somewhere in the audience drawing his attention away from the track. Smiling slightly, he petted Gígja’s long neck, before leading her out of the arena.

He was barely outside when both Leon and Alfred came rushing down from the bleachers, hugging him enthusiastically. They were both talking over each other, not really seeming to notice that Emil didn’t catch a word of what they were saying. He laughed anyway, letting them both shower Gígja with praises and carrots as they made their way back towards the trailer.

Matthias and Lukas were still nowhere to be seen. He kept throwing small glances around to ensure that he hadn’t missed them. Leon and Alfred were both a few steps ahead of him now, talking about some video game that was going to be released later that year. Emil did a more thorough scan of his surroundings before urging Gígja to walk a bit faster with him to catch up with his friends.

“Hey, guys! You didn’t see Matthias or Lukas anywhere?” Both of his friends turned, casting confused glances at each other before shaking their heads.

“We came together, and we were a bit late, so we haven’t really had the chance to go looking for anyone we know,” Leon said, glancing over at Alfred as if he was wanting the other to confirm his words.

“Matthias must have driven you here though?” Alfred asked. Emil shook his head.

“He drove me to Feliks and went straight here to meet up with Lukas. I haven’t talked to anyone but Feliks and Toris since I got here, and they’re both busy with the other representatives for our stable, so they probably won’t be around until later.”

The trio continued walking until they reached the field where people had parked their trailers. It took Emil a while to find the one belonging to Feliks in the big cluster of vehicles, but after a few minutes of looking they finally made it. A lone figure was leaning against the side of the white trailer, fidgeting with a cellphone. With a sigh of relief, Emil recognized the man as Matthias. He hurried over to greet him, wondering if Lukas was perhaps on a trip to the toilets or something. He had been going over his apology in his head several times before going to the competition, determined to not sound like his mother used to. It had taken him a week, but he was finally ready to set things right.

However, when he reached Matthias, all he got was a short greeting. The Dane looked like he was worried, and unlike Emil’s friends, he only commented with a short “You did really good out there.” Something that didn’t seem like his normally excited adoptive brother at all. Matthias let Emil take off the tack from Gígja without saying anything, which was kinda unnerving seeing as he usually had a hard time shutting his mouth. Leon and Alfred had gone somewhere to get something to drink, leaving the two of them alone.

After having brushed Gígja for a few minutes the silence was starting to become uncomfortable, and Lukas had yet to make an appearance. Matthias were still fidgeting with his phone, and seemed like he wanted to go somewhere. Maybe Lukas was waiting somewhere else, and Matthias was just there to fetch Emil? Emil put down his brush, eyeing Matthias suspiciously.

“If you want to go somewhere that’s okay with me. I’ll catch up with you later. Is Lukas waiting somewhere?”

Matthias made an expression Emil couldn’t quite identify for a moment. He cast his gaze downwards, studying his boots as he continued to fidget with his phone.

“I’m sorry Emil, but Lukas never got here.” Matthias voice was shaking slightly. He tapped absentmindedly at his phone screen, swiping back and forth through his colourful arrangements off various apps he never used.

“What do you mean he never got here? He said he’d come, didn’t he?” Matthias hesitated, as if he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Look Em, I think that maybe you should sit down.” Emil shook his head, feeling a shiver run down his spine. Something couldn’t have happened. It was all just Matthias being stupid about something. Lukas was probably just late, or on his way there. There was no need to worry.

“No, tell me right now. Whatever it is you don’t want to say just tell me.” Emil could feel tears beginning to force their way out of his eyes. What was he even crying for? There was nothing to worry about. Everything was fine. Lukas would be there soon, and he’d apologize for being dumb and they could be brothers again, and then they could go hear his results together.

Matthias’ breathing had started to become slightly hitched, as if he couldn’t quite catch any air. His fingers continued to tap and swipe on his phone. Matthias only every fidgeted when he was uncomfortable, which was rarely, cause if anyone had confidence, it was his adoptive brother.

“I got a call from Gilbert, you know, my friend, the one who works in the hospital. Lukas was just brought in. He wasn’t quite sure, but he thought he heard someone mention a car crash. He’s being examined right now.”

Emil froze, every sound around him suddenly very distant. His body didn’t respond to him anymore, his lungs refusing to cooperate with him. _No. No, no, no, no, this isn’t real. It can’t be real. I’m just dreaming._ He vaguely registered Matthias hugging him, but even that felt like it was happening to a different person. His mind flashed back to a long forgotten memory; a memory he had been repressing for years.

* * *

_At first, it had been a good evening. With their parents gone, Lukas couldn’t argue with them, something that seemed to happen whenever they were in the same room lately, and he also got to do stuff his parents usually didn’t approve of. Like playing video games after bedtime and eating a lot of ice cream instead of dinner. It was a peaceful arrangement. Lukas got to work on his projects, whatever it was he did. Emil had stopped asking. It was always something new._

_The peace was broken by lights flashing. At first, none of them noticed, but soon, it became evident that they lights weren’t just passing by. Lukas ushered Emil into the kitchen and told him to stay put. Emil could hear him answering the door, and decided to disregard orders. He snuck up to the hallway, peeking out at the officer who was talking in a deep monotone voice. Lukas nodded, but it was easy to see that he was trembling. Then the cop said something else, and Lukas started protesting. The officer made his way past him and headed for the living room, several others following him._

_Emil ran up to Lukas, curiously regarding the group of policemen discussing with each other, casting glances at Lukas. Emil could tell that Lukas wanted him to go to his room, but instead he decided to cling to him, refusing to be left out of whatever was happening._

_Lukas huffed, but let Emil come with as the officers sat them down and started to explain about the accident and how Emil could no longer live with Lukas. There were tears and a lot of shouting as the social workers struggled to separate the two, taking Emil with them. Emil cried until he couldn’t anymore._

_It was dark everywhere, but somehow, the world seemed to be flashing. He tried to call out, but his voice wouldn’t work. His hands were searching around, trying to find Lukas or his parents. Just someone to hold on to. He had never felt so scared in his life before, but no matter how much he shouted his family didn’t come._

* * *

He was jolted back to the present by Matthias shaking his shoulders. He could hear his name being shouted, but it sounded like he was underwater. Everything went in slow motion for a second, before he suddenly regained the ability to speak again.

“Matthias, we got to go there right now! I, I can’t take it if he’s dead. Oh god, please tell me he’s still alive.” His cheeks felt sore from tears. When had he started to cry? He wiped at his face in frustration, annoyed by his feelings overcoming him like that. Behind him, Gígja was starting to shift around, unsettled by his sudden outburst.

“Hey, calm down, breathe Em, he’s still alive. Gil said he was very lucky, he’ll be fine. And you need to stay here to hear the results okay? We can go after that, okay?”

“No Matthias, I want to go NOW! Just.. please. Feliks can tell me the results later. I… I need to go see him. I never got to tell him I was sorry. _Herregud,_ this is my fault.” Emil could feel his legs starting to give out underneath him. His vision was blurring, every breath feeling like it did nothing to give him air. He gasped, trying to draw air, his breathing getting progressively faster. Matthias seemed to be losing his cool as well, and dropped down beside Emil, his hands hovering, not sure where to land.

“Hey, Em, calm down. Remember we talked about this, right? Breathe slowly. I'll take you there, okay? None of this was your fault. He’s going to be okay. Just focus on breathing.”

Emil wanted to nod, but couldn’t do nothing to stop himself from heaving for breath. He couldn’t see anything, just the black darkness from the insides of his eyelids and the blurry picture obscured by his tears. Everything felt wet and clammy. He coughed, tears finding their way into his mouth, making everything taste like salt and snot. Matthias patted him on his back and held him until he had calmed down a bit more, stroking his hair reassuringly while whispering softly. They sat there until everything that could be heard was Emil sobbing brokenly into Matthias’ shoulder.

They were interrupted by Leon and Alfred returning, the sound of their voices joyfully chatting breaking the silence. Their conversation stopped as they discovered Emil and Matthias on the ground, Leon rushing forward to their side, Alfred following at a slightly slower pace behind him.

“Did something happen, are you alright?” Leon fluttered awkwardly at the edge of their personal space.

“Leon, would you mind finding Feliks and Toris and tell them we’re leaving early? Emil’s brother was in an accident. We are going to go check on him, but we’ll come back to get Emil’s stuff afterwards, okay?”

Leon nodded, turning to Alfred who looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t. The two of them exchanged some words before Leon turned back again and handed Emil his water bottle.

“I’ll see you later then Emi. Tell your brother hi from me, It’ll be fine, you’ll see.” Alfred nodded, his eyes betraying his confusion, probably caused by him not knowing the language well enough yet. Emil watched as they disappeared behind a big black trailer.

Matthias waited until they were out of sight, urging Emil to drink some water before he picked the younger boy up, carrying him with him, despite his protests. They found Matthias’ car, settling into it without saying anything. The engine took a few tries before it started, Matthias fumbling with the keys. For a moment, Emil wondered if Matthias was in a good enough emotional state to drive, but he said nothing about it. He trusted Matthias to keep his head with him.

It felt like it took forever to reach the small hospital situated a town over. It took them five minutes and a lot of Danish swear words from Matthias’ side before they could find somewhere to park. Emil felt really drained by the time Matthias opened his car door, offering him a hand. He took it, happy for the support. It felt nice to know that Matthias was physically there.

The waiting area was busy when they came in, but Matthias managed to plow his way through the masses to the desk where the secretary was sitting. He gave them a bored look, but listened to Matthias explain anyway. Emil felt like he couldn’t concentrate on what was being said, so he clung to Matthias who had started to get louder the past minute.

When they finally walked away from the desk, Emil was half asleep on Matthias’ arm, struggling to keep his eyes open. Matthias said something about Lukas being out of surgery by four, but that they didn’t allow visitors before at least five. He seemed like he wanted to go yell at the guy in the reception, but instead he sat Emil down in a chair and mumbled something about going to the little kiosk to buy some food for them. He returned with bacon and cheese hot dogs and a coffee for himself.

Emil munched dejectedly on his hot dog, staring at the clock. It was still half an hour until they were allowed in. Matthias had gone to find Gilbert while Emil rested in the waiting area. His phone buzzed as he went over to a trash can to throw away his used napkin. He frowned, pulling it out, not in the mood for a conversation.

His screen lit up telling him he had a snap from Leon. He sighed, finding his way to his chair. When he was certain that no one could pass by and peek on his screen (a fear he had gotten from one too many rude comments from nosy classmates), he swiped his finger on the screen to unlock it. The first picture showed Leon and Alfred doing thumbs up in front of a message board. They had drawn a ring around a sheet of paper hanging there, but it was too far away to read. He tapped to get the next. He blinked a few times before taking a screenshot of the picture before it had the chance to disappear. The last picture was simply “Congrats!!!” Written out in Leon’s loopy handwriting.

He opened the picture studying the numbers written out.

 

**Skritt: 5,02** ****  
**Trav: 6,3** ****  
**Tølt: 7,0  
** **Gallopp: 6,25**

 

It was far from a perfect score, but for his first time, it was better than he could have hoped for. He smiled slightly, despite still feeling a bit down about the whole Lukas situation. If he was right, it should be enough to win his category. He glanced up at the clock again. 15 minutes.

Matthias suddenly stormed down the hallway, another guy in tow behind him. He spotted Emil and waved wildly.

“Em! Pack your stuff. Gil said he’d let us in now. We’re going to see your brother!”

The guy behind him grinned, making a gesture towards himself.

“You guys can thank the awesome me for this later”. His voice was heavily accented, but Emil was too busy with running up to Matthias and Gilbert to care too much about it. Gilbert lead them through a labyrinth of corridors until he finally stopped outside a door, nodding towards it.

Matthias sent Emil a glance, wordlessly asking if he was ready. Emil nodded. Together, they stepped into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes:  
> herregud: Oh my god  
> Skritt, trav, tølt and gallopp: horse gaits, walk, trot, tölt and canter
> 
> I only know horse terminology in norwegian so if I translated something wrong, please tell me. Also, I've never competed so I had a friend explain to me, so I'm not sure if I got everything 100% right, but if anyone knows how gait competitions work feel free to come and correct me if I wrote something wrong. 
> 
> Title from "Love is war" by RUNAGROUND, it's such a nice song, so I recommend it for everyone
> 
> Come say hi to us at tumblr! We're Sheepouttetradecagon and norwaythememelord 
> 
> Thank y'all for reading!


	13. Please Don't Go

Lukas was laying in bed when he heard the door creak open. He sighed, thinking it was another nurse ready to do more tests. He didn’t want to do more tests. He wanted to rest. He was tired, and despite the morphine and countless other drugs the IV was pumping into his system, he was in pain as well. He wished they’d let him go to sleep. 

He closed his eyes, thinking maybe if he faked it the nurse would believe it, and they’d leave him alone. He didn’t hear any footsteps, though. Rather, he heard a choked sound come from someone. Then, he heard fast footsteps coming towards his bed. 

A cold hand came to brush his hair out of his face. He was sort of glad, but also sort of disgusted as well. His hair was dirty and gross now from the accident, and he couldn’t shower yet. Who would want to touch his hair? He wasn’t even sure what it looked like now. But it felt crusty and matted. That really annoyed him.    
  
“Oh, Lukas, I’m so so sorry. I shouldn’t have fought with you. I’m sorry. I did this. This is my fault. I broke an already fragile bond. And I’m so sorry. Look at you, oh god, I just, I can’t-” Emil’s voice was cut off by a sob coming from deep within him. Lukas kept still, afraid to move. He wanted to hear what his brother had to say. 

“I’m sorry. So, so sorry. Lukas? Can you hear me? Are you awake? Oh god, is the damage worse than I thought? Mathias? Is he alright? Can he hear me? What if he doesn’t wake up? Fucking hell, I can’t believe this happened to you. Lukas, you can’t leave me. If you can, if you can hear me, please do something. Open your eyes, or… or move your hand. Just, let me know you’re here.” 

The teen’s voice was cracked and his words were stuttered and slurred. Lukas was having a hard time understanding him. But he opened his eyes, not wanting his brother to get more worked up than he already was. 

_ “Hei, lillebror.” _ Lukas whispered, his voice raspy. It hurt him to speak, so he tried to refrain from it. That was impossible when he had questions to answer, though. 

Emil couldn’t respond; he was crying too much to form words. Instead, he kept touching Lukas’s hair with one hand, grabbing onto Lukas’s hand that wasn’t connected to the IV with the other. 

“Em, my hair is gross,” Lukas commented. He was finding the attention nice, though, so didn’t tell him to stop. 

“I don’t care. Oh god, Lukas, you could have died. You could have, you could have been taken away from me again. But this time, permanently. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t bear it. Lukas, you big idiot, I don’t want you to go away. Please. Please, please, please. I love you, please stay. Don’t go.” Emil seemed really terrified. 

“What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be fine. The doctors said so. It’s just a broken leg and a mild concussion. I’ll be alright. Don’t worry.” He smiled as best he could at his little brother, not wanting him to fret over him anymore. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your competition, I really wanted to see you compete. How’d you do? I do hope you stayed to see your results.” 

“We rushed straight here as soon as I found out. But my friend told me how I did. I did well. Better than I thought I’d do.” Lukas still smiled at his brother. His brother did not smile back. 

“Isn’t that good, then? Aren’t you happy?” Out of his peripheral vision, he saw someone move to stand beside his brother. It was Mathias. 

“I… I’m happy about how well I did, yes, but I can’t fully be happy because you’re in the hospital! Just, look at you, Lukas, you’re covered in cuts and bruises.” Emil frowned. Lukas averted his eyes. 

“LuLu, I thought you were all about being a safe driver. How’d this happen?” Mathias asked in the softest voice Lukas had ever heard come from him. 

“I wasn’t paying attention and drove through an intersection. A car collided with mine.” He didn’t dare say that it was because he was thinking about he and Emil’s fight. He didn’t want to face Emil’s reaction. 

He figured that his brother already knew the reason why he was distracted, if his hitched breathing had anything to do with it. No one spoke anymore, then. Emil’s hand stopped moving, but still rested on Lukas’s head. It was eerily quiet in the room. Only the sounds of the beeping machines could be heard. 

Lukas chanced a look back at the two visitors he had. Emil had stopped crying, but his face was now blotchy and red from getting so upset. Fresh tear tracks ran down his cheeks. Lukas could see the faint remains of tear tracks on Mathias’s face as well. Had they really been that upset over him? 

“I’m sorry for egging you on. I shouldn’t have done that.” Lukas whispered, looking at Emil. Emil looked confused. 

“What?”    
  
“I shouldn’t have said what I did. I knew it’d get you worked up. That’s why I said it, but I shouldn’t have said it at all. I wasn’t thinking. Mom used to say that I had a real knack for agitating people. I think that was the reason we had so many fights, Mom and me.” 

“I never did like it when you fought with Mom. It scared me. I don’t want us to fight like you and her did. Do I really remind you of Mom? I don’t want to remind you of that.” His voice was soft, as was his touch. Lukas watched as Emil looked at him, taking in the sight of his brother trapped in a hospital bed. 

“That’s not what I meant when I said that.” His brother looked skeptical. Lukas continued. “You and mom share the same love for horseback riding. For competing. You love the thrill of it, yes?”   
  
A small nod came from his brother. 

“You’re both so much stronger than I ever could dream to be. So much braver. So much more out there. You two were never afraid to be who you were. I admired that about Mom. I admire that about you. You can still remind me of Mom without reminding me of the bad times I had with her. 

“I mean that you remind me a lot of her in a positive light.” Emil nodded again. 

The door opened again. Emil and Mathias looked towards it. It was the doctor, followed by Gilbert. Lukas groaned quietly. Gilbert was nice enough,but his voice and accent gave Lukas a major headache. 

The doctor was much calmer and had less of a noticeable accent than Gilbert did, however. He began to tell Lukas, Mathias, and Emil about Lukas’s condition. He said that Lukas would need to stay for about a week to monitor his injuries and see if there was anything they missed, but that he would be fine to go home after then if they didn’t find anything. 

He explained that Lukas would need crutches to get around for six to eight weeks while his leg healed, and he might experience symptoms such as fatigue, confusion, temporary loss of consciousness, delayed response to questions, and more due to his concussion. Lukas sighed. None of this sounded fun. He wanted to go home.

He closed his eyes. Emil began to play with his hair again. He was too tired to protest about it, even if it was disgusting. He ended up falling asleep before the doctor and Gilbert even left. 

-

When he awoke, Mathias was in one of the sitting chairs in the room. His brother had somehow found enough space on the edge of the bed to sleep on without disturbing him. He scoot over as best as he could without moving his leg too much (since he wasn’t supposed to) and pulled Emil towards him.  _ Poor thing, he was practically falling off the bed. That couldn't have been comfortable. _ As Lukas thought this, his brother awoke. He blinked at him, trying to wake up some more. 

“Lu? What’re ya doin’?” Emil’s voice was rough from sleep. 

“Shh, lay down, go back to sleep. It’s early,” Lukas hushed him. Looking at the window, he could see that the sky was dark. He had woken up in the middle of the night it seems. 

“‘S not much space to lay.”   


“I know. Here, you can lay your head on me.” He got a skeptical look. “It won’t hurt me, and you don’t have much space to lay your head elsewhere, so.”   
  
His brother just huffed, reluctantly resting his head on his chest. The extra weight was a bit shocking at first, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Lukas quickly fell back asleep, as did Emil. 

-

He was next woken up by Emil climbing out of the bed. He was confused. What was going on? Mathias noticed Lukas’s expression.

“We’re gonna head back to my house to change and grab some food. We’ll bring in some things to keep you occupied too when we’re away! Since we have school on the weekdays.” Mathias said cheerfully, coming up to the bed where Lukas lay. 

“Oh, alright.” Lukas didn’t particularly want to be alone, but he didn’t have a choice. Mathias smiled sadly. 

“I’m sorry, LuLu, I’d get you outta here if I could, but I can’t. You gotta stay. It’s only a week though! And we’ll come visit you whenever possible!” He laid his hand on Lukas’s, using the other to comb through Lukas’s tangled hair with his fingers. 

“My hair is gross,” Lukas said.

“It’s not as bad as you think it is, but it does need washed,” Mathias commented. He leaned over the bed to press a kiss to Lukas’s forehead. They heard Emil gag behind them.

“Gross, you two. Get a room!”

“This is my room,” Lukas said with a smirk. He and Mathias laughed as they watched Emil’s face go pale.

“That’s disgusting. I’m going to wait in the car.” Emil said. He hovered by the door for a second, though, looking back towards Lukas and Mathias. He then walked over to the bed. He sat down on the side of it, giving his brother a hug as best as he could in the awkward position, before leaving the room. They were quiet as they watched him go.

“He’s really sorry, y’know.” Mathias broke the silence.    
  


“I know. I’m sorry, too.” 

They were quiet again. Mathias smiled, then. 

“I should get going before he starts to complain. Bye, LuLu!” Mathias gave him another kiss, but this time on his cheek rather than his forehead. 

Lukas was left wondering what that meant as he watched the Dane exit the room. 

-

It was quiet in the car as they drove to their apartment a town or so over. Emil was content with it. Apparently, Mathias was not.

“Hey, Em?” 

“What?”

“What would you say if I told you that I maybe, sorta kinda have a big crush on your brother?” Mathias bit his lip, chancing a glance at Emil, who sat stunned in the passenger seat. 

“I… I’m not sure? Do you?” 

“Yeah. Oh man, Em, I don’t know what to do about it!” 

“We’ll talk about it at home, just pay attention to the road please.” Emil said, looking out the window of his door. Mathias nodded, intent on getting them home. 

When they got to their flat, they immediately took turns getting a shower. While Emil was taking his turn, Mathias took it upon himself to gather some things for Lukas to use when he’s bored. He found some old books, and a pack of cards. He wasn’t really sure what Lukas did when he was alone. Maybe Emil knew. 

While Mathias showered, Emil dug around for things to bring his brother, too. He gathered up lots of paper and pencils, even a few pens of different colors. He hoped his brother would feel well enough to draw if he got bored. He remembered loving his brother’s drawings. 

When they were both ready, they compared their findings. “He draws?” Mathias asked quietly.

“He used to. I’m not sure if he still does.” Emil hoped he did. 

“Hmm. Oh, we have stickers somewhere, we never use them, do you think he’d like them?”   
  
“Maybe?” That was a good enough answer for Mathias, who gathered all the stickers he could and put them in the bag they were taking to Lukas. 

“Okay, about what you told me in the car…” Emil started, glancing at his adopted brother.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it! But he’s so nice, and cool, and he can be funny sometimes, and I wanna protect him and hold him and take away his insecurities and fears, and to be honest I wasn’t aware it was possible for someone to be that ho-”   
  
“Okay! I’ve heard enough, please don’t.” Emil interrupted. He sighed. “You like him a lot, I get it. Isn’t it a bit weird though?” 

“Why would it be?”

“Because I’m biologically related to him. You’re my adoptive brother. Is that even allowed?”   
  
“Well, I’m not related to him at all, so… just because I see you as a brother, doesn’t mean I see him as one. Because he isn’t my brother. Does that make sense?” 

“I suppose so…” It was quiet for a minute before Mathias spoke up again.

“Anyways, I’ve been thinking… and I really do think you should move back in with Lukas again. When he’s better, obviously.” Mathias wasn’t prepared for the reaction he got.

“What? What are you trying to say?” Emil was confused. Did Mathias not want him around anymore?

“Hey, hey, don’t get the wrong idea! I just thought you’d want to live with your biological brother again, catch up on lost time and all that. We can still hang out and see each other, buddy! I’m not tryna get rid of ya. I just… I guess I just wanted you two to get to be close like you two once were. I’ll talk to mom and dad about it if you want me to?” Mathias said. 

“I mean, yeah, that’d be cool, but… is that even allowed? We’d have to go to court and shit so he can get custody again, right?” Emil was pretty sure this would be a long legal process. 

“Well, yes, but I think you might be a lot happier. Both of you. I just want you to be happy.” Mathias said, smiling at Emil.

“I mean… we can talk to mom and dad about it, but not just yet. Let’s bring it up with Lukas first. When he’s better.” Emil said. But he could feel himself getting excited, even if this was an unlikely arrangement. 

They finished getting things for Lukas before heading back to the hospital again. 

-

Lukas spent the next week by himself for the most part. Sometimes nurses would come in and check on him and his progress. Sometimes, Emil and Mathias would drop in. They couldn’t stay too long, though. When they were there was when Lukas was happiest. He wasn’t talking to himself then. Or getting lost in his own thoughts. 

He drew a lot during his stay, thankful for the distraction. He made sure to draw at least two pictures a day, one for Mathias and one for Emil, to show his gratitude that they visited him and brought him things to do. 

Other than that, however, it was very boring. The bland, white room was depressing. So were the various machines he was surrounded by. At night, he could hear the distressed sounds of the other patients in the hospital. That was when he missed home most.

Saturday evening, Gilbert and the doctor told him that they’d be releasing him the next day. Gilbert asked if he had a ride home. 

“I’m sure Mathias can give me a ride.” Lukas responded. 

He asked him on Sunday if he could take him home. Mathias had no problem with it. Emil seemed excited that his brother was getting out of the hospital. Lukas was excited, too. 

He was permitted to walk with crutches, so as he did, Emil and Mathias carried his things to the car. They also helped him get in it. He felt sort of silly, needing all this help. It was a bit frustrating not being able to do things on his own. 

“Oh, man, I really need to shower. I think I was allowed to shower once that entire visit. I feel disgusting. Especially my hair…” Lukas complained. He did not want to have such dirty hair ever again. 

“Are you supposed to have help with showering? What with your cast, and all.” Mathias asked him. Lukas thought for a moment.

“Yeah, since I can’t get it wet.”

“I’ll help if you want.”

“Thanks.”

They heard Emil making gagging sounds in the backseat. Their laughter rang throughout the car. Then, they took off towards Lukas’s house. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about broken legs or concussions, being in the hospital, or medical bills in Norway, etc., so it's very vague about that. this is mostly just focusing on bonding again. Also, Den! Yay! Chapter title is from the song Please Don't Go by Joel Adams.
> 
> feh, i'm not too sure I like this chapter. Also warning for the next one: there will be a time skip from this point to then (in the story, anyways).
> 
> You can catch us at norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon @ tumblr!!!! thanks so much for reading!!!


	14. Here's where it changes, here's to a brand new start

The sound of a box being put down onto the floor resounded through the hall, causing a small cloud of dust to whirl up from the old worn carpet. Emil crinkled his nose, but inhaled the smell anyways. It was still more or less the same as he remembered it after all the years he had spent away. Behind him he could hear Matthias panting heavily as he stumbled through the front doors with another cardboard box. He dropped it onto the floor, coughing dramatically as another dust cloud surrounded them. Emil simply smiled, taking in the sight of the hallway of his old home.

Lukas emerged from the door leading into the kitchen, still hobbling around on crutches. He gave Matthias a disapproving look as the dust reached him, making him wrinkle his nose in disgust. It had been 6 weeks since the accident, and Emil had more or less settled everything with his adoptive parents. Although they had been surprised by the request at first, they had been very understanding when they got to hear the story told by the two brothers (his mother had even cried a bit, Emil wasn’t sure if he should feel touched or embarrassed). In the end, they agreed with Emil living with Lukas, even if it would take some months for them to get the paperwork sorted. Matthias had been strangely quiet throughout the whole discussion.

Nevertheless, he was more than happy with helping Emil moving his stuff over to the old family house. It was situated outside the city, slightly away from other people, but close enough to reach a neighbour by foot should something happen. Although it wasn’t very big, it lay so you could see the ocean from the kitchen window, and it was only a 20 minute drive to Matthias’ flat.

20 minutes away from Matthias. That would be hard to get used to. He looked up at the person in question, studying him as he stretched his arms above his head, groaning loudly. Even though Emil knew he’d still see him quite often (he had promised both Matthias and his parents that he’d visit frequently, and they had made both him and Lukas agree to celebrate Christmas with them, something Lukas had seemed pleasantly surprised by) he knew this would be very different. Compared to Matthias, Lukas was a very silent and introverted person.

Currently, the two of them were arguing by the staircase, Lukas trying to convince Matthias to let him help them with carrying some of the lighter stuff. He was starting to wobble slightly on his crutches, obviously not used to speaking without using his hands. When they were younger he often made up for his lack of spoken words with body language. Matthias tried to steady him a bit but was rewarded by a hit to the leg by Lukas’ crutch, the stubborn boy claiming he could stand perfectly fine on his own.

Emil could feel a little smile starting to pull on his lips. Even though it had been a bit weird to get his head around at first, he could see the two ending up together. They were more or less what made up his family now, and although it wasn’t what he had had before, it was still great. He picked up one of his boxes, making his way over to the stairs as Matthias finally caved and gave Lukas a bag with clothes. Or tried to anyways. Emil sighed, putting down his box so he could take it.

“How did you plan to carry that with you when you’re on crutches? You’ll just end up falling down the stairs and breaking another leg.” Lukas glared, trying to get Emil to hand the bag over.

“I’ve been walking up and down these stairs on crutches for weeks, I think I’ve mastered the art of hopping up the stairs on one leg, thank you very much.”

“Not with a heavy bag of clothes you haven’t,” Emil countered, holding the bag out of reach from his brother. Matthias looked between them, holding out his hand to keep Lukas from making a grab for the bag.

“Now now, no need to make a big deal out of this, how about I just carry the bag, then we can get this moving in business done with.”

“How about you two stop treating me like a child? I’m fine, I can still help you two and it is my house.”

Sighing, Emil decided he didn’t feel like arguing with Lukas about such trivial matter. They had to help him with getting it onto his back so he could carry it, but Lukas seemed content enough with the task, even if it wasn’t much. Matthias still made sure to walk behind Lukas in case he should fall, something that wouldn’t be much help since he was carrying a box himself, but Emil supposed it was the thought that counted.

With Lukas forcing himself up the stairs, it took them almost ten minutes to get to the top, his stubborn brother nearly collapsing onto his bed once they were in Emil’s room. Emil took in his surroundings, closing his eyes for a second so he could listen to the sound of waves outside his window. He had been there a couple of times after they reunited, but it hadn’t really felt like home before it was decided that he was going to move back in.

It wasn’t a big room, only slightly bigger than the one he had at Matthias’ apartment, but he didn’t need anything bigger. The walls were still the same faded shade of blue, the paint chipping off the white edges around his window. It was still the same bed that occupied the space by the northern wall, except it looked bare and cold without his blanket and stuffed animals. Lukas had sat up, and was sitting on the edge, regarding the other two as they opened the boxes they had brought with them. Emil pulled out the first thing he found and threw it at Lukas who caught it with a surprised yelp.

It was a small plush toy that their parents had gotten him when they went to Nordland for one summer. It was supposed to be a puffin, and it had been Emil’s favourite toy when he was a kid. It had a red bowtie, and it was modeled to be the size of a real life puffin. Lukas smiled a little, but placed “Mr. Puffin” down on the bed beside him.

“You still have this one?”

Emil shrugged nonchalantly, pulling out a few books from his box. There weren’t any shelves to put them in yet, so he simply stacked them on top of each other on the windowsill. Matthias snorted, sitting down next to Lukas.

“You have no idea. He didn’t want to go to sleep without it when I first met him. Once he lost it because mom was cleaning and he turned the house on its head to find it. He might pretend like he’s too big for plushies but we all know he still sleeps with it.”

“At least I'm not the one who sits up at 3 am crying over shitty TV dramas,” Emil countered, trying to hide his embarrassment. Lukas smiled, leaning over so he could rest against Matthias’ side rather than laying back down again. Matthias kissed the top of Lukas’ head, resting his chin on top of it.

Emil grimaced, placing a stack of video games in front of him.

“Okay, we're gonna need some rules.” Emil eyed the duo on his bed pointedly. Neither of them seemed to understand what he was talking about. Emil sighed.

“Firstly, no being gross when I'm in the room, like, keep your hands to yourself.”

Lukas sputtered, opening his mouth to say something but Emil cut him off before he had the chance.

“Secondly, I don't want to know if you're up to stuff, you know like, couple-y stuff. I really don't mind you doing whatever, as long as I don't need to know about it.”

Lukas had scooted away from Matthias now and was avoiding Emil’s eyes. His cheeks were noticeably growing red. To his left Matthias was staring down on his feet, his fingers playing with a rubix cube he had extracted from one of Emil’s boxes.

“I don't know what you think this is, but we’re not even together,” Lukas mumbled. Matthias nodded slowly, his face doing little to hide the fact that he felt hurt by the words. Emil blinked. Had Matthias really not had the guts to tell his brother yet?

He considered asking them about it, but decided against it. This was something Matthias would have to fix himself, and Emil didn’t think Matthias would appreciate if he told Lukas before he was ready to himself. Not that there was much to tell with how obvious they were being. Was Lukas even aware of it? He could be very stubborn sometimes, blatantly denying anything even if he was staring right at it. Emil recalled times when he had proved his brother wrong when they were younger and even when confronted about it he wouldn’t wield, refusing to be wrong.

“Hey guys,” Matthias tried, setting the rubix cube down on the bedside table. “How about we eat a bit, then we finish unpacking afterwards. I’ll cook us something good.” Lukas raised an eyebrow, side-eying Matthias skeptically.

“You sure you know how to cook?”

“Are you implying something?”

“Only that you look like the kind of person who would end up accidentally setting a house on fire.”

“Well get ready to get surprised buddy, cause this guy had a 12 in _madkundskab_.” Matthias pointed proudly to himself, obviously expecting Lukas to be at least a little bit impressed.

“Is that supposed to be good?”

“Aw, come on Lu, work with me here. Point is, I’m brilliant at cooking.” Matthias offered Lukas a hand, which he after a few seconds accepted, letting himself be pulled up onto his good foot. Emil handed him the crutches, making sure that his brother was steady before they started to move out of Emil’s room. Matthias went ahead of them, yelling something about starting without them.

Emil sighed, deciding to stay with Lukas to make sure he didn’t fall down the stairs. The process was slow, but Emil would rather have Lukas get down safely than having him rush and end up falling.

“His cooking is actually quite decent,” Emil said as they started their descent. Lukas hummed, his focus on clinging on to the rail with one hand while holding both his crutches with the other. He didn’t speak up again before they were nearly at the bottom.

“Even if he’s good, I doubt he’ll be able to magically make a good meal out of stale bread and cheese, cause that’s more or less what I have.” Emil inwardly made a note to himself to make Matthias take him to the grocery store so he could do some shopping for food.

They entered the kitchen and was met by the smell of something being fried. Emil breathed in the scent, not surprised by the fact that it actually smelled good. After having lived on a small budget with Matthias for the past year, he was used to the Dane creating delicious meals out of low price ingredients. His cooking skills could even rival his mother’s.

Matthias grinned when he saw them standing in the doorway and hurried with moving whatever it was he had in the frying pan over onto three plates. Lukas hobbled over to the kitchen table, slumping down in one of the chairs. Emil decided to be helpful and got some glasses from the cupboard and filled a jug with water. Matthias mumbled a ‘thank you’, placing the plates down in front of Lukas and two of the still empty chairs. He made a presenting gesture, bowing dramatically before he sat down in one chair. Lukas sniffed at the dish in front of him, poking it skeptically with his knife.

“What is this?”

“Grilled cheese sandwich with tuna and tomatoes. I found an old box in a cupboard so I hope you didn’t mind me using it. The expiration date was soon anyway.” Matthias shoved a big chunk of cheese sandwich into his mouth, chewing contentedly. Lukas was a bit slower, but cut off a small piece, tasting it almost reluctantly. His eyes widened slightly as he started to chew on the piece. Emil watched him cut off another piece as he swallowed.

“I’ll admit it, this is actually good.”

“Told you so.”

Emil looked down on his own sandwich, picking it up with his hands, not bothering with knife and fork. It was a bit softer than he expected, having been fried in a pan and not the oven, but he ignored the feeling of butter tainting his fingers and took a bite. The taste was better than he could have expected, especially after a long day of packing ad unpacking stuff. He wolfed down the whole thing, a little bit sad that there wasn’t more. The other two took their time with their food, chewing slowly. Honestly, how did they manage it? He had been hungry for hours.

They sat there for about half an hour before moving on to finish the packing again, the meal coming to an end when Emil attempted to steal Lukas’ last piece of cheese sandwich, something he failed miserably at. It still got them a good laugh, and they were in a good mood when they went out into the car to get the last boxes.

* * *

That night, all of them slept on the living room floor, watching the lazy glow from the fireplace paint the room with orange hues and dancing shadows. Matthias was the first one to go out, his heavy breathing the only sign that he was still there. Lukas and Emil lay on each side of him, enjoying the calm atmosphere.

“Lukas, are you still awake?” It took a few seconds before Lukas answered.

“Mm, yes. Was there anything you wanted?” Lukas’ voice was a bit sluggish, betraying how tired he really was. Emil shook his head.

“No, I was just wondering. This just reminded me of when we used to build blanket forts to spend the night in here, and everything really. Just, it feels good to be back.”

Lukas hummed in agreement, lazily swiping his hair away from his eyes. They were focused on the view from the glass door that lead out into the garden. The little path that lead down from the small hill to the slim strip of beach were standing out in the dark, the light stones bathing in the dull moonlight. Emil could see the waves languidly brushing against the shore.

“You know,” Lukas whispered, his voice slightly hoarse. “When you first left I’d lie here some nights. Just so I wouldn’t have to be alone in my room. I don’t know why, I was still alone here, but at least I could see the sea and I could pretend like the rest of you were still sleeping upstairs. It’s nice to actually have someone here with me. Kinda makes it all feel more real you know?” Emil swallowed. He felt like he should say something, but he didn’t know what. Instead, he closed his eyes, content to listen to what Lukas had to say.

“I still feel like it’s all a dream sometimes. On some days I expect to wake up and find mom and dad here, as if it was all just a dream, some days I even wish for it. But if this all hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met Matthias or Tino or Berwald, and I would probably still be lost. Even though it is hard to admit, losing you was one of the things that finally made me get my shit together. Sometimes I hate that this was what was necessary to get me on the right road, but I guess there’s nothing to do about it.”

“It doesn’t matter though?” Emil whispered back. He sat up, looking over Matthias’ still body. “Even if we were apart for some time, what matters is that we found each other again, and like you said, those years apart taught us a lot.” Lukas smiled almost imperceptibly.

“It’s a strange world.”

Emil sighed. “It really is”

* * *

“So this is where you used to live before?” Leon asked, taking in the house. Emil nodded, opening the door to his room, letting the other boy in. He had been staring at everything since he came, not used to older styles of building after having lived in the city for his whole life. After having given Leon an extensive tour around the house, they had eventually ended up in Emil’s bedroom. The two of them sat down on Emil’s bed, which was more or less the only place to sit in the room. Lukas had promised that he’d take him to Ikea one day when he got his next paycheck, something Emil had felt slightly guilty about, knowing that his brother’s part time job didn’t earn him an awful lot. He had begun to sell some of his drawings lately to get some extra money for them to spend.

A short silence settled between the two for a moment before Leon decided to break it.

“So… I guess it’ll be harder to see each other from now on,” Leon put his hands behind his head, collapsing backwards so he could lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The glow in the dark stars that Emil had put there as a kid were still hanging on to the pale grey boards, giving off a weak glow. Emil laid down as well, watching the fake stars with disinterest.

“We’ll still see each other at school and we can still visit each other. I’m not disappearing anywhere.”

“I know, I know. But I can’t just walk here though, and only Cheng knows how to drive properly. Or, he’s the only one I trust enough with a car.” Leon sighed. His hand was almost touching Emil’s, fingers tapping restlessly on the blanket. It felt safe, just lying there with his best friend, in his brother’s house. He hadn’t felt so at peace for years. They just lay there for a while, listening to the waves crashing against the shore and the muffled sounds of Matthias and Lukas talking in the other room. Nowadays, Matthias was more or less living there as well, using every excuse to come visit them. Neither of the brothers minded, appreciating his presence.

Emil closed his eyes, content with the comfortable silence. He opened one eye, glancing over at Leon, surprised by the fact that he hadn’t said anything for the past few minutes. He was met by Leon’s eyes clearly fixed on him, something akin to nervousness showing in the hazel orbs. His fingers were absentmindedly fidgeting with the sheets. Emil sat up, feeling a bit unnerved by the fact that Leon had been more or less staring at him for who knew how long. Leon sat up too, his eyes still on Emil. The part-Icelandic boy looked at the other skeptically, not sure how to deal with the situation, but he tried anyway.

“Are you alright? Do you nee-”  
  
“Can I try something?” The words came out so fast Emil barely managed to understand what he said.   
  
“Um.. sure?”

Leon scooted closer, lingering at the edge of Emil’s personal space. _Holy shit, what is happening?_ They froze for a moment, just staring at each other before Leon leaned in, pecking Emil on the lips. It was short, but it had Emil’s mind going into full freak out mode. He wanted to scream or kiss back or just do something. Instead, he just laughed awkwardly, picking at his pants. Leon smiled a bit, before sitting back again.

“That was… Not how I expected it to be,” Leon mumbled after a while. Emil looked away sheepishly.

“I'm sorry, I have never done that before.”

“Wanna try again?” Emil blinked, not quite sure what he had expected. Leon was leaning forwards, eyes eager. Emil nodded, closing his eyes, not sure of what to do. He could feel Leon’s breath on his face as he approached. He was only an inch away when the sound of the door opening startled them from going through with it.

Lukas peeked in, face unimpressed with what he had just witnessed. Emil flushed, throwing a pillow after him. The older boy dodged easily, expression doing nothing to tell Emil whether or not he was okay with what he had just walked in on.

“Get out Lukas,” he muttered, flinging another pillow towards the door.

“And here you go making rules about me not being gross in the house while you’re here all over your friend’s face. A bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“I was not all over his face and you were the one who came here, which leads me to my third rule. No entering my room without knocking.”

“I was just going to tell you that Leon’s brother is here to pick him up, and don’t you think I get a say in which rules we have in _my_ house?”

“The house belongs to both of us and I never said you couldn’t be gross in your own room.” Lukas smiled one of his subtle smiles, taking a step back. He lifted his hands in surrender, but his eyes glinted playfully.

“I guess you’re right little brother. The house belongs to both of us. I’ll let you continue your snog session.” He shut the door again before Emil could fling another pillow at him.

“So…” Leon pondered. “Does this mean I’m approved of as your boyfriend?”

Emil gaped, at loss for words for a second before he hit elbowed the other boy in the side.

“Shut up Leon.” Leon snickered, pulling Emil into a hug from behind.

“I’ll take that as a yes then?”

Emil tried to withhold a laugh but he was giggling soon enough, not able to contain the joy he felt. For the first time in years, everything felt like it was in its right place, all the puzzle pieces finally fitting, and if the people close to him teased him a bit, he found that he didn’t really mind. Not even a little bit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes:  
> Madkundskab: a subject in Danish school (and Norwegian school, where it is called mat og helse) where the students learn about food, nutrition and how to cook various dishes. When Den says he got a 12, that is the highest grade you can get. (Norway is confused because his system only goes up to 6)
> 
>  
> 
> Hello!!  
> This is probably the last chapter that I'll be writing for this fic, my awesome co-writer flightlesscrow getting the honour of writing the last one. So, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who have read this far, especially to all you nice people who left kudos and comments for us. They're all very much appreciated!
> 
> Also a big thank you to flightlesscrow for letting me be a part of this. I had a lot of fun with this, and your advice have been so much help, really, you're the best!
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter (finally some fluff to make up for the angst i put you through, oops)
> 
> If you want to tell us what you thought, leave us a comment or come scream at us at tumblr. We're sheepouttetradecagon and Norwaythememelord.
> 
> The title is from "Broken parts" by Måns Zelmerlöw


	15. In The End, I'd Do It All Again

Mathias was at Lukas and Emil’s house, like he usually was nowadays. It was around ten pm, and the two had thought Emil was in bed, as it was a school night. 

Lukas was finally off his crutches, and while he wasn’t supposed to put too much weight on his leg, he could still walk on it. He was due to get the cast off tomorrow, so Mathias was going with him to get that done. Lukas honestly couldn’t wait for that. 

The two of them were sitting in the living room, Lukas leaning into Mathias’s side, leeching off his warmth as Mathias wrapped an arm around him. They were staring out the bay windows on the other side of the room. The moon was bright, and it illuminated the waves lapping against the coast perfectly. It was almost romantic in Mathias’s eyes. 

“Lukas,” Mathias whispered, catching the attention of Lukas. “I’ve got something to tell you.” 

“Hmm? What is it?” Lukas mumbled. He was a bit drowsy, and the close proximity and heat of Mathias was making it harder with each passing moment to keep his eyes open.

“I, um… how to say this? I… uh… hmm,” Mathias was having trouble finding the words to say, though he had been practicing at his apartment for about a week now. 

“Just spit it out.” Lukas was now eager to know what Mathias wanted to tell him, so he sat up a little straighter. 

“Um, I, uh,”   
  
“Mathi-”   
  
“I have feelings for you!” Mathias said loudly, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to see Lukas’s reaction. 

The room was eerily silent. Not a sound was made between either of them. You could have heard the dropping of a feather. Mathias chanced opening his eyes. 

Lukas was staring at him, mouth slightly agape and a dumbfounded look in his velvet eyes. Mathias wasn’t sure what to make of this until Lukas spoke.

“You… have feelings… for me?” Lukas whispered, not quite believing what he’d heard. How was that possible? Someone as great as Mathias surely wouldn’t settle for someone like Lukas, would they? It was improbable. 

“Yes, LuLu, I have for a while. It’s a bit of a complicated feeling; I’m not 100% sure what it is yet, but I think it’s bordering on love. What I’m meaning to say is that I want to be with you, if you’d allow me to?” Mathias asked, hesitantly grabbing hold of one of Lukas’s hands. 

“Oh wow…” Lukas whispered again, trying to wrap his mind around this new information. He wanted to be with Mathias, very badly if he let himself think about it longer than five seconds, but wasn’t sure what to think of it. How would Emil react? Mathias’s parents? Tino and Berwald. He had a sneaking suspicion that they were together anyways and wouldn’t care, but what about the others? 

“Lu? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. Do you want me to go?” Mathias asked the confused blond he was sitting next to. 

“No. Stay.” Lukas’s sentences were short and cut off, but he didn’t know how to elaborate on his feelings. At least, not with words. There was something he could do to show Mathias how he felt…

He thought for a moment, wondering if this was the right way to go about this.  _ Fuck it,  _ he thought.  _ If it worked for my brother, it can work for me, too. _

So, he sat up a little straighter, no longer leaning at all on Mathias. He closed his eyes and sighed, preparing himself for the risk he was about to take. He then turned to face Mathias, who looked confused and a little anxious about his actions. _ Here goes. _

Lukas leaned in close. He paused about an inch away from Mathias’s face, giving them both a chance to back away if they wanted to. Neither did. So Lukas continued. 

He put a hand on Mathias’s shoulder, and then closed the short gap between them, closing his eyes at the same time. The kiss was short and sloppy, but Lukas found himself enjoying it and craving more when he pulled away after a little less than a second. 

Mathias was wide-eyed, and his face was set aflame by a rapid-spreading blush. Lukas found it quite cute, in all honesty. He was sure his face was the same shade of red, though, if the way his cheeks burned had any indication to their color. 

They sat like that for a while, both staring at each other but neither saying anything. Then, Mathias grinned. He pulled Lukas into another kiss, this time one that lasted much longer than the first. 

It was just as messy, maybe even more so, and they both figured that they could use some practice to get it right. When they pulled apart from each other, it was quiet in the room again. Mathias decided to break that silence. 

“So, does this mean I can call you mine?” He asked, a slight grin lighting up his features. 

“Only if I get to call you the same thing,” Lukas responded, a sly smirk present on his face. They laughed then; a soft, breathy sort of laugh. It was as light and carefree as both of them were feeling. 

“Yes!” Came a whisper from the other room. They whipped their heads around to see a flash of platinum blond hair disappearing around the corner. 

“Emil!? You’re supposed to be in bed! What was that ‘yes’ for?” Lukas was embarrassed that his brother was encroaching on his privacy like that, but he was then reminded that the living room  _ was _ a communal area, and Emil had every bit of a right to be there as he did. He heard footsteps pounding up the stairway. “Get back here!” He hollered. 

A minute later, Emil came back. He wore an apologetic smile, but both men could tell that he wasn’t the slightest bit sorry for eavesdropping. 

“Why were you watching us?” Lukas asked, demanding to know the answer through the stern look his eyes held.   
  
“Yeah, that’s not cool, little man.” Mathias nodded; he wanted to know as well.   
  
“I’m not little. And, well… because I may have been waiting for a while for you two to get together. Oh, and now Leon owes me money. He said you two would get together in a month. I said sometime this week.” Emil said proudly, chest puffed out and standing tall. He was glad that he had guessed right. Now he had more change in his pocket. Or, well, he would tomorrow, anyways. 

“Don’t bet on things, especially on people. Betting can lead to other things, bad things. Don’t go down that road,” Lukas scolded. Emil rolled his eyes at the preacher-like tone his brother was speaking in. 

“Yes,  _ mother _ , I’ll make sure to be a Good Little Boy from now on.” Emil said sarcastically, but his tone held no real malice. Lukas smiled a bit. Emil had picked that up from him a while ago. 

“Alright. Up to bed, now. You have school in the morning. I have an appointment I can’t be late to, too, so I’m going to bed as well.” Lukas watched with Mathias as Emil exited the room. They listened to his, this time much softer, footsteps as he crept up the stairs to his bedroom. 

He then looked at Mathias, who looked back at him with a soft fondness in his eyes. 

“Wanna stay the night?” Lukas asked, as if Mathias hadn’t been sleeping over the majority of the last month since Emil moved in. 

“I’d love to,” Mathias responded gleefully. He stood, then, helping Lukas to stand as well. He helped him up the stairs so he wouldn’t fall, as walking with a cast still wasn’t easy. Especially up stairs. When he was sure that Lukas was safely up the stairs, he headed to the guest room. Or, he was going to, when Lukas’s soft voice stopped him. 

“Where’re you goin’? Come sleep in here.” Lukas waved his hand at Mathias, inviting him into his own room. 

“My clothes are in here, though,” Mathias said, pointing at the guest room again. 

“Then get changed and meet me in here.” With that, Lukas entered his bedroom, leaving a bewildered Mathias standing in the hallway. Mathias smiled to himself, then, and hurriedly rushed to change and meet Lukas again. 

-

Months had passed since Lukas and Mathias had gotten together. Lukas was now fully healed and no longer needed help getting around, and was back in university. He had missed too much, though, so he was severely behind. It was too hard to catch up, so he ended up dropping out. 

That was okay, though, because he managed to find a job with good hours at one of the stores the next town over. The pay wasn’t the best, but it was better than what he’d been making previously. He also did art commissions when he had the time, so that brought in extra money as well. 

He was sitting at the kitchen counter, watching Emil and Mathias as they maneuvered boxes into the house and around the furniture. Mathias was moving in that day. It was almost deja-vu-like, watching this scene play out before his eyes. The same thing had occurred when Emil moved in. One thing was different, though. 

“Lukas, you ass, come help us!” Emil grunted, carrying a heavy box through the front door. He sighed dramatically as he set it down in the middle of the living room, flopping down on one of the sitting chairs on the outskirts of the room. Lukas snickered at his brother’s over-reactive behaviour. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll help.” He got up and walked out to the car, where Mathias was pulling boxes out of his car’s backseat. There were quite a few of them sitting around the car and in the car still. 

“Hey, babe.” Lukas said fondly, coming up beside Mathias. Mathias sat down the box he was holding, pulling Lukas into his arms instead. He hugged him tight. 

“Hi. So, this is it, huh? We’re finally living together,” Mathias commented, nuzzling his face into Lukas’s silky hair. 

“Not quite yet. You’re not completely moved in yet.” Lukas pulled out of Mathias’s embrace to pick up a box, beginning to carry it towards the front door. He looked over his shoulder at the Dane standing in the driveway. 

“Let’s go change that, shall we?” Lukas smirked, turning forward again and walking into their house.

Mathias watched in awe. He was never not surprised by Lukas and his words or actions. Every day, the Norwegian man did something new that left Mathias at a loss for words. He picked up a box, walking after Lukas and onto the threshold his new home. 

With Emil and Lukas there, the house seemed lively, warm, and inviting. This was something he had not found true the first time he had visited. It was strange how much his life had changed in just those few months since meeting Lukas. It was a change, though, that he was extremely grateful for. He wouldn’t exchange the brothers for the world. 

Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the doorway, setting the box amongst the others that were accumulating in the living room. 

Lukas was standing by the boxes, looking at the writing on them. He was trying to determine where everything would go. 

Mathias pulled Lukas into a hug from behind, kissing the top of his head and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Lukas laughed, telling Mathias to let him go. It was a half-hearted attempt, since he actually rather loved when his boyfriend did things like this. 

“Gross, you two, I don’t wanna see that! I’m leaving,” Emil protested, getting out of his chair and attempting to go pick another box from the outside. Mathias had other plans for him, though. 

Emil was caught by Mathias’s arm, the owner of it pulling him towards himself and Lukas. They both laughed, cooing at Emil, who pouted and complained about how Mathias and Lukas were the ‘worst ever,’ and he ‘honestly was so embarrassed right now, seriously?’ He ended up laughing along with them, though. 

Lukas grew quiet quickly. He listened as his two loved ones laughed and carried on, content with being close to them and seeing them happy. 

He was so glad to have met Mathias, and by extension Emil, that the feelings overwhelmed him. He knew that if he could go through everything again, he wouldn’t change a single thing, not even a word that was said. He brought the two into a group hug, squeezing them as tightly as he could. They returned the hug. 

He was looking forward to the rest of a new life with these two dorks that he loved so much that it made his heart ache sometimes. There was no need to vocalize this, though. He had a feeling that the other two knew, and were just as excited as he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. The final chapter. 
> 
> I had so much fun writing this with my lovely co-author ArbitraryRambunctious, and I'm forever grateful that they agreed to help me write this piece. I hope you all had as much fun reading it as we did writing it. I hope that maybe in the future we'll get to collaborate on a fic again. 
> 
> Thank you so so so much to everyone who read, left comments, or left kudos on our fic. It's greatly appreciated. 
> 
> If you want to tell us how we did, or just drop in to say hi, you can leave a comment here or message us at norwaythememelord and sheepouttetradecagon on tumblr. We'd love to hear your feedback!
> 
> Also, have some fluff to make up for the angst I put you all through. 
> 
> This chapter title is from Fall Out Boy's song "The Kids Aren't Alright," which is sort of ironic, since the characters we made suffer are gonna be alright now.
> 
> Anyways, bye for now!


End file.
